Caregiving grandson trying to deal with a grandmother who drinks excessively. Any advice?

A single parent of that many children should not be caregiving for a grandparent under any circumstances. He needs to move out and get a job.

Your son is exposing his 4 children to a toxic home environment where grandma is falling down drunk everyday and they're 'not getting along'. The children probably have daily stomach aches to vouch for the fact that grandma and daddy do not get along. In your profile, you say 'they are at odds ALL THE TIME.' How must the poor children feel about that? Furthermore, you say your father is on hospice at home, meaning the children are bearing witness to THIS, too! What a terrible environment for them, my heart hurts for all 4 of them.

Grandma is not long for this world with cirrhosis of the liver ALONE at play. She knows that; she's made her decision and it's her 'love of wine' over her love of family that's won. Which is nothing new for an alcoholic.

Why is your son living in such conditions and exposing his children to such a thing?? As a father, his first priority is his children, not his grandparents. They are YOUR problem entirely. Move out of the RV and into the house to do hands on care for both of them. I get a feeling that your son needs housing and that's why he's living there and 'caring for grandma & grandpa'.....if that's the case, he needs to buck up and get a job & a place of his own and get his kids safely situated out of this home. Or else he may face CPS showing up at his door one day wanting to take his children away from him! If the kids are telling other kids at school about how grandma drinks wine all day & night, don't be too surprised to get a knock on the door from CPS.

Your son & his 4 children would be better off living in your RV and have you moving in with your parents than anything, for the present moment. At least until he can get them situated in a real home of their own.

I grew up in a toxic environment where my grandmother lived with us and she was 'at odds ALL THE TIME' with my mother. I grew up in misery with a chronic stomach ache and chronic anxiety as a result. I moved out at 17 into a very abusive situation just to get OUT of that house. Don't allow your grandchildren to be exposed to what's going on in your parent's home. It will kill their soul off, bit by bit, and leave them not liking their dad OR their grandfather who allowed this situation to on for way too long. Trust me on that.

Not fair or right to four children, at all. Grandma isn’t changing, except to worsen. But those children have a long future and deserve a better living situation

You do realize this situation can result in the kids being removed from the home, right? One call to CPS and a visit is all it takes. It’s unsafe living conditions for all of them.

You are telling me a Dad with children is caring for an alcoholic instead of caring for his own children in his own home? That would be a shame. He should go to Al-Anon for support at once. As you said, this is her choice. Let the state deal with providing her care and support. The only advice I can give. Sacrificing your own life to an alcoholic when you have children is irresponsible to those who hold your first obligations of care.

My concerns mirror the others.

It seems the family is focused on Grandma who drinks.

Please widen the view.

Look at all the other people and CHILDREN in this picture.

Grandson may be well-intentioned - but helping can cross over to enabling. I think it has.

Is anyone attending Al-Anon?

Update...... Grandma is now in 90 day recovery rehab facility. (for over a month now) Stepdad has 24 hr paid for in-home Hospice care, Caregiving grandson and grandkids have moved out of state.

I just have to note that if son was posting we would be asking him where the grandparents own CHILDREN were and why they were not helping.. I am guessing that would be you , unless this is his exs grandparents? I am not trying to be mean,, just after being on this site for about 10 years this is a common statement,, and I agree he needs to be getting on with his life for his futures sake and his kids. Do you live with him and your parents? As you say you "every night right after she's gone to bed we've begun pouring 90% of what is left in her bottle into a different bottle leaving the chilled one in the same place and then transferring it to a different refrigerator out of her sight. She gets up throughout the night wanting refills She just thinks she has drank all her wine for the night."

Oh lord, I'm trying not to go ballistic here, but this whole situation is just so wrong on so many levels.
First and foremost like already stated many times, innocent children do not deserve to have to live in such a toxic environment. The damage being done to them by having to witness this dysfunction can be irreversible. And why are you as there grandfather allowing them to?
I'm sure there's more to the story than you've shared, but really there can't be a good enough excuse to think this living situation is ok.
Your son doesn't deserve this either, and should know better than to put his precious children through this.
You all need to go to Al-Anon, and quit enabling your mother. The main concern here besides the children should be grandpa as he is under hospice care and if not for your son otherwise being neglected. My heart breaks for him to have to spend his final days in such a toxic environment.
It probably would be better if he could be placed in a nursing facility, where at least he would be looked after in peace. And you can always apply for Medicaid for him if need be.
My first husband was an alcoholic(recovering now)and my children were 5 and 7 when I divorced him. I refused to allow my children to have to continue to witness the dysfunction and toxicity that went along with living with an alcoholic.
So I know what I'm talking about and witnessed first hand the damage that can be done to innocent lives if you're not careful.
Please get those children out of that horrible living situation and your son as well. They all deserve so much better. And get your step father out of there as well, so he can die in peace.
And as far as your mother, well.... she's made her bed and you all need to let her lie in it. If she dies in it, oh well, as she will have done that to herself. That will be on her and no one else.
I hope and pray that now that you're seeing how strangers looking in from the outside see this dysfunctional situation, that you will take the necessary steps to make things better for all involved.(except your mother as she will more than likely never change)

I am so glad things have worked out. For some reason I was not part of the thread. Guess I figured the others said what I would have. But the one thing people need to be aware of is Social Security. They go back 35 yrs from the time you choose to take it. So, if like me, I went out at 62, so 35 years would have taken me back 27yrs of age for me. I chose not to work 5 yrs of that 35 because I wanted to take care of my baby, I had at 35, till she was school age. So my SS was based on the 30 years I had earnings in that 35 yr time. So I got less SS than I would have had I worked that 5 yrs.

I agree that it probably seemed a good idea that son move in at the time. Probably put a roof over his and his childrens heads. I am glad other options were found. You do realize that Moms health conditions will not get better. Alcohol has already done its damage. Depending on how bad she is, you may need to call Hospice in for her too.