How do I get out of this responsibility?

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Withgodshelp Asked January 2023

How do I get out of this responsibility?

My dad is 94 and on his own, he spent winters with us in our sunnier climate . The last “visit” he came from another country , coincided with covid and so stayed and now lives with my husband and I.

My husband has a mental health condition that limits his ability to work full time, so he was happy at first, but gradually could not cope and has left to go live with his brother in another country.

I am now Carer for 2 men. And I love them both. And I want out.
I am a loving person, respectful and responsible, don’t get me wrong…. But I am losing sight of me, I am changing and I don’t really like what I see happening, I know there is a better way but I just cannot seem to get to that first step……

Burnout Care Decisions Care Plan Family Caregiver

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score 0 · Answer 1

Is he foreign? Has he overstayed his Visa? Call ICE and they'll handle it from there.

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score 2 · Answer 2

I suggest you see a Licensed Social Worker in private practice as a therapist. She will be good at life transitions work and she will also be up to date on some options hopefully. I am so sorry. This is a tough one I only wish I had a clue of an answer for. Do seek help so you can see if there are any options available to you.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Since your husband went to live with his brother it sounds like you're actually down to caring for one person, your dad. And he has to go so your husband can come back where he belongs, unless you don't want him to.
It's time to tell dad that while you love him, you need/want your husband to return home and so he's going to have to find a nice assisted living facility near by that he can move to and be around people his own age, or go back to his country, so you can get your life and your husband back.
And you don't back down or listen to all the excuses as to why he can't, you just tell him that you're giving him until the end of February to be out. PERIOD.
You can do this! Your mental health depends on it.

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I would think her father, coming from another country, maybe better off going back to that country. If he has no greencard hear and 5 yr residency with that greencard, he is not entitled to any benefits. So everything is out of pocket or he pays big bucks for health insurance.

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How do I get out of this responsibility?

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