I am the sole caregiver for my father. I’ve lived with him for 9 months. I want to know if anyone has used adult day care and if they like it?

Okay yes, I know some friend's, they also had the similar situation, they used adult day care to support their family, and adult day care can give you a hand, it can make your daily movement to become easier, and your dad also will be a good hand, they will support your dad without having know problem.
Matilda

Where do you live? In northern CA. they have Del Oro Respite Care. Also, depending on how much $ your father has you can hiring private caregiver off of care.com. or get him on MediCal (this is all CA.). IHSS is a MediCal in home caregiver service.

One more helpful point most caring caregivers don’t thi k of but is obvious. Does he still need all the medicines you speak of? are they making him not have the long torture of dementia? No. Dimentia is a slow, horrible way to go.

As those we love get closer to end of life or passed average life expectancy, why is society feel need to constantly administer pharmaceuticals? It only helps the pharmasuital companies.

it is okay and better to pass away naturally, organically after in 80’s and older if with dimentia instead of keeping elderly taking loads of life saving medicines.

It’s difficult for dimentia patients to swallow anything. So administering medicines is extra rough in them. Most don’t want these medicines anymore anyway. It’s still their right to not take all the medicines. So forcing dimentia patients the unpleasantness of having to swallow drugs could be inhumane depending on benefit of the medicine.

2. Why are we all still giving anti-cholesterol, blood pressure, blood thinning, vitamins, anticancer, other meds to keep our dimentia and Alzheimer’s love ones living longer? Think it out logically. These drugs are only making person live longer while they are being tortured by dimentia. Why do doctors,family want to make people live longer to suffer terribly longer? It’s inhumane more and more believe. It is okay to die. It is okay for dementia patient to die naturally, organically. Why do we interfer with this? Because we care and want to help? Yes, but more so, bc we have been indoctrinated to misthink giving medicines always helps.

Why not let nature takes it course and stop the optional drugs? Why are people so afraid of letting love ones die or die naturally? It is selfish of doctors and family when parents have lived long lives yet are tortured now by moderate-severe dimentia.

And why are people so afraid to die? Most elderly people often say, “I just want to go” or similar verbiage as they sit unable to be independent, unable to recall things, unable to be part of active society any longer, unable to have joy and experience life outside a facility or home. It is not depression, it is normal to recognize life has no joy bc of dimentia.

To fill them still with blood thinners, anti-cholesterol meds, anti-cancer meds, and other life sustaining meds, to feed them by hand is not only against many of their Medical POA’s, but is cruel to let them live longer than if they didn’t take these meds as dimentia victims. To keep heart ticking with meds while the mind is beyond safe and cognitive functioning, is not the caregiver’s or doctor’s deciion if it only permits the dimentia to worsen and torture the patient. Obviously, quality of life is more important than length of life.

Example-Those who eat strictly healthy often end up living longer but not better as the mind from DNA pre-existing dimentia gene cannot be eaten or exercised away.

So as kind-hearted caregivers are we doing what is best for our parents by keeping them alive longer with medicines to sustain hearts and other aspects of the body while parent’s brain is severely dimented?

So in your own medical power of attorneys if you don’t want to be tortured by dimentia then write in it to discontinue the gambit of heart, cardiovascular, anti-cancer drugs so you don’t suffer from dementia so long. Many dimentia patients would have passed naturally but for the heart drugs they take. Think about it logically. We need to stop being told it makes one bad person if chose to discontinue life sustaining drugs we are told by uninvolved highly judgmentally, overly moralist persons or doctors who need to cover themselves from liability so keep prescribing life sustain meds to dementia patients which lengthen torture for these patients.

Obviously, people will oppose this who are indoctrinated by decades of medicine-giving is best. Yes, those meds are great if not already suffering from mod to severe dimentia. It’s okay to let death come naturally.

Also, check with your city. Some like ours have a Senioe Shuttle you can schedule that takes seniors to local Senioe center daily ie when you want. For lunch and entertainment. My Mum loves it bc she makes friends and gets out.

Swnior Centers provide in essence adult day care without calling it that for $3 shuttle ride round trip and $4 for lunch in North San Diego as an example. This gives you a break knowing parent is having positive event and with safe adults.

Meals on Wheels in So CA provides meals in person daily 6 days a week for like $6 a dinner. But the bigger advantage of this is they come 6 days a week. Your father must be able to answer door. That’s only rule. Then they call you immediately if he doesn’t answer or something is wrong. They interact with your father briefly at the front door when giving the food. That is the real benefit. It permits you days off to recoup your while a vetted person comes to provide socializing and food.

also try getting him an Amazon Show and some Blink camera. This way you don’t have to be with him to know he’s safe. And you can speak to him through these Blink camera to say hello and provide positive support without being there. We also have a companion four hours a day every so often as just a new person to engage with for a more fulfilling life.

I worked as a Geriatric Nutrition Counselor at a Daycare in NYS. It was part of a large nursing home. They loved coming for the day! Fun things to do, new friends, could take walks in the building and great meals. We also monitored blood pressure and help with medicine. It gave families a well needed break.

When I was the near full-time caregiver for my Mom, I enrolled her into senior day care for about 10 hours a day.

The first one we tried was recommended by my brother's physician. The physician had no information on my Mom other than the fact she was 97 years old. The cost for a week was far less than anything I paid for my daughter's day care, over 10 years ago. They gave her breakfast and lunch and 2 snacks. Each afternoon, they all took naps. They had activities during the day and afternoon. However, she was in much better shape than 3/4 of the people. In addition, most of the participants were female.. About 1/4 of them needed to be fed. The upside was that the center ran on Saturdays. However, there were no activities on Saturdays, but they got a lot of home cooked snacks since the number of people on Saturday was less than 15.

The 2nd one we tried was much. much, much better as the people who attended it were more affluent and active. The mix was about 1/3 male, 2/3 female. This time, most of the people were far more mobile and cognizant than she was. The Activities Director was a male in his late 60s and was the emcee for the day. Everyone loved him. They would run contests on "special" days like Halloween and Christmas, with real prizes, like blankets and purses. They also celebrated nearly every Hallmark Day. It only ran Monday thru Friday and the cost was substantially more than the 1st one. They provided breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks and the food was quite good. The ratio of caregivers to seniors was pretty good. In addition, seniors from their Senior Living area, would volunteer and help out with meals and games. The food was good with large portions. They also requested donations for prizes. Many had dementia. There were one or 2 people who would run for the door, each time the door opened. Another person would take napkins and silverware and put them in her purse, which would be emptied after the last snack was given for the day. Even more people would bring plastic bags and put all their leftover food in the bags. One guy brought his own loaf of bread everyday and munched on it the whole day. There were a few people who needed to be fed.

Both places would give baths or provide dinner for a fee.

My Mom really loved the second place as it was about her memory level. She loved playing hangman and Wheel of Fortune. They also had a Wii so they would play bowling on it. Tic-tac-toe with beanbags was a favorite too.

However, she started complaining that the program was repetitious. It was also about that time that her incontinence was getting worse and her memory lapses were significant. She complained of being bored, however the real truth was that her memory didn't allow her to stay focused.

She loved her time at the 2nd one as it was more "fun". Ironically, the 1st one, gave her more time outside as they tended the garden, took trips, etc.

I highly recommend senior day care. However, I'd go look and visit to ensure that they have activities and food that your Dad would enjoy and that the other participants are neither significantly better or worse, than your Dad.

Pammie187: Perhaps your best resource would be your locality's COA (Council on Aging), who should have on staff an elder care professional and also a social worker. Start there.

If you are contemplating "adult day care" in the home, don't fail to explore Home Instead. I was able to keep my husband at home through a long sad year with the incredible help of two wonderful compassionate people who arrived promptly at 8:00 a.m., bathed him, fed him his breakfast, changed his bed linens and "entertained" him (kept him company without talking down to him). He was unable to walk due to post-polio and I relied on the Home Instead helpers to get him up and dressed. He had some dementia but knew his friends and greeted them when they arrived. When they left at noon, they usually helped him to bed and my shift started. Regrettably I could only afford them 3 days a week so the rest of the time I was on my own. I would have had them 5 days a week but the long term care insurance (Lincoln Benefit Life) I had been paying for for 20 years ($80K) is STILL refusing payment of our legitimate claim. Re the meds, you'll have to continue supervising.

you could check with friends who had parents in day care, also there are people who would come to your home (aides) who are trained to help out. this would help you if your dad is ok with it. if he doesn't care then you are good.

I started my mother 2 times a week with Adult care and both of us love it my mom is mild dementia some mornings she does not want to go but when we get there and she sees people her own age and the activities they do it is worth it and I get some of my life back.

If your father is agreeable to an outing to adult day care, do it. He will be able to connect with others his own age and engage in the activities offered. The more you can get him out and about and being with others, the more you both will benefit. He gets to be around others besides you (before he gets too used to that and then all interest dwindles away) and you'll get some time to yourself or to be with others. Don't let it become a 24/7 caregiving role if there is anyway to put that off into the future.

Check some facilities out and chose the one with the most activities and people that seem to be encouraged to participate. If you're dad loved a game like dominos or cards, find a place that offers those things.

When my mother was able, she used to go to day care. She loved it.
She used to think that she was going to work. They did variety of activities, and including day trips. I thought it was wonderful.

My mother absolutely loved it. Taking her there was evidence that organized activities would be the best thing for her. As she declined, it was an easy decision to move her to AL and now MC. When there are activities, she is happy and tired out enough to sleep better. It's a win-win-win for all.

It isn't a matter of any of us individually liking it (as)

* Every individual using services in a day care is diferent (history, inclinations, medical conditions)

* Every management team and individual worker is different.

It depends on the specific interactions of the daycare team and how your dad may 'take' (resist / enjoy) this new environment / experience. Even if he is shy or resists, it is important to ask management how they integrate (ease in) a new person into their community, then watch them.

I would suggest:

* Talk to the management about your dad (and they will / definitely should ask about him / personal preferences, inclinations) and explain how they operate.

* Sit / observe, watch how staff / management interacts with their clientele.

* First day or two when your dad is there, sit with him and (then) away from him to observe how he is in the group setting; how staff support him (they will definitely show more interest in him with you there although ideally, it will be the same level of support when you are not there).

As well, I applaud you for considering this as it will give you some seriously needed personal time 'off' (space) to yourself. As well, it may stimulate new feelings for your dad being in a new environment surrounded by others engaged in activity.

- They will be able to do so much more for / with him than you can by the fact there are more / different people around with a targeted purpose (whatever activity it is).

* The only way you will know how things go is to try it, encourage him to try it out if he is reluctant. Encouragement / support / active listening go a very long way in these (any) new situation / behavior.

Let us know how it goes.

Gena / Touch Matters

My mom attended a county run senior center and loved it. There are daily activities, time for the members to socialize and share meals. They even went on outings to different places around the community.
Consider contacting the local council on aging. They provided additional support to help mom stay in her own home - companion care, light housekeeping. Basically, they will assist you by doing things you have trouble getting to. Cost was income based with nominal copay.
praying for you as you continue with the journey of helping your father

Adust day care provides a social sharing of age relations more than most seniors can get at home.

My husband started going to a city-run adult day care last June. He was never a group activities kind of guy so I wasn't sure he'd like it. After day-1 I didn't think it was going to work out as he seemed very grumpy about going but the center's administratorsuggested we keep trying and now he loves it. They are only open 3 days a week since covid; I started him out at 2 days a week- now it's 3. I drive him and pick him up; as it's only a mile from our house it's easy. Lovely building, nice room, nice staff. He really blossoms there, telling jokes and dancing and thanks all the staff people when he leaves. I work from home and can get work done or I take leave time and use the time to run errands or do projects around the house while he's away. Highly recommend.

My mother goes to daycare 4x a week. It started off as one day, then 2 then 3 then 4 days. I had to talk her into it. Now she loves it. My situation wasnt easy. First daycare closed. The second stopped bus service. Had to pick a third one that offered bus service. Elder service pays for 3 days and she pays for 80.00 for one day. I wake up earlier to get mom ready for daycare but the respite is worth it. I also work from home. Adult day care gives me respite, allows me to work and has helped keep my sanity. Mom loves it too. I recommend it to anyone.

My husband with dementia attended senior day care and he loved it. They had planned activities and a hot lunch everyday. They even had a therapy dog come in once a week and my husband loves pets. He looked forward to it and called it his “job”. It gave me the downtime I so needed. I dropped him off in the mornings but they also provided transportation. When he got home we had dinner together and he would tell me all about his day, shortly after that it was bedtime! You can do as many days as you want/willing to pay for. We started out with 2 days/week and advanced to 3. It would have probably progressed to more but sadly Covid shut everything down. He spiraled downhill quickly after that
and now he is in SNF. Good luck with your decision.

Your Doctor Can order the visiting Nurse to come in for medicine . A Certified nurse for bathing and Light Housekeeping . CNA . Physical and Occupational therapy can be ordered a couple times a week . I have Not tried daycare but that Is a Option .

Day care - Our VA offered it for my husband but when I visited, I impressed and almost went with it but decided against it because he is so high risk for pneumonia so I try to avoid public gatherings. Like a children's day care they aren't suppose to come with fever, etc. However, I remember there were times I sent my children to school believing everything was fine only to be called before noon because they were sick. For someone who is relatively healthy it seemed like a great choice. As someone else mentioned, for those who qualify the P.A.C.E. program may be an option which in our area includes adult day care. They even offered transportation.

Me Time - If he has VA benefits, ask about respite care. I now get 16 hours a week for someone to come to our home.

Before this benefit kicked in, I was able to get the grants from our Area Council on Aging to help pay someone to come to our home to help. In our area, these were only valid for three months at a time and depending on their funding sometimes could be renewed.

Sone members of my support group use it. Check with your local Council on Aging to see if there is some stipend also.

Good Morning,

Yes, I have tried the respite program and it is so needed today. I thought I was going to have a lot of back-up help coming from a large family but this is not the case.

Basically, the longer the illness goes on you have to set things up, "what if". I would simply go online, the closer the better. In my case I drove mother one morning a week and picked her up at a neighborhood Adult Day Center.

The 9AM-1PM (continental breakfast, lunch) and physical therapy covered by insurance with a co-pay along with an on-site RN was a big help. This is called a medical model, the nurse is full-time. They paint, plant, bake, all supervised.

The 10AM-2PM time slot mother was exhausted when she came home. She is always tired-fatigued due to the Lewy Body.

At first, I felt like I was dropping off a little kid the first day of school. I simply said, "Mom, I am going to run a few errands, I'll be back at 1PM." That's it, don't make a big deal out of it.

Some facilities have fees on a sliding scale--others, grants. My mother is able to hold a conversation. In all honesty, I think that if my mother attended more than one morning then she would backslide and become non-responsive.

At lunchtime, people who speak will say to my mother, "oh you can speak" and they all sit together like high school. It's sad in all honesty, especially when you learn that some of the attendees had these exciting lives (tennis player, head nurse at a hospital, etc.) before dementia hit.

You need peace of mind so if you want to get your hair done, oil changed on the car, doctor's appointments, you know that every say "Tuesday" you have a 4-hour time slot that is available to you where you father is safe, fed and supervised.

You don't want to rush home if he doesn't pick up the phone or find him on the floor, etc. You want to put the odds in your favor.

In my case, it had to be done, however, where I live it's now flu season. So, I pulled Mom out for the wintertime and possibly will return in May if there is a slot.

An UpWalker Lite depending upon if your father is mobile and good walking shoes that fit since when the elderly lose weight their feet shrink too, I highly recommend. Good shoes are important.

As far as the medications, I took that over the first sign of trouble. I have (2) calendars. (2) pill boxes that lock and I fill the meds once a week and I dispense.
Fortunately, there were no meds that needed to be given during the respite. I did ask the RN to take my mother's blood pressure.

Also, there is a service that some drugstores offer. They package the daily meds but this only works if they are taken at one time and if your father has the executive functioning skills to do this. I would not leave this to chance.

You can't wing this. If he is unable, don't say dad did you take your medication? I would NOT give him access to medications. Too much can go wrong and this could present another set of problems.

Your internet provider can put a sensor on the door, with a camera facing it and should dad leave, you get a text with a video of him going out the door. $20 per month, well worth it. A lifeline button is recommended as well.

I would start dad out with one morning a week respite. My mother became accustomed to it, I needed assurance that nothing would happen to her while I was running errands, but in all honesty, my mother doesn't miss it. It was a necessity for the both of us so I could keep mother home. I told her that...if you want to remain home, then you have to attend one morning per week. You have to keep your ship afloat so that when your loved one is called home to the Lord, you are still standing.

On Sundays' the Eucharistic Minister comes with Communion and a Church Bulletin. They never miss, rain or shine--Christmas Day and Easter. Mother looks forward to it.

Your dad's primary care physician can do an assessment and write orders for P/T for the facility. Sign up for the portal.

If you haven't tried already, look up PACE in your area. If dad qualifies, it would be the perfect solution for you both.

https://www.npaonline.org/pace-you/pacefinder-find-pace-program-your-neighborhood

A good quality day care is so helpful to client and for care giver. I highly recommend it.

My husband had dementia and when he got to the point that I could not leave him alone for even short periods of time, I brought him to adult day care for 3 days a week. My state has a grant program for caregivers to help with cargiving costs and adult day care is included. Twice a year, I could apply for a grant and it was usually $1,000 - $1,500 depending on what was available. I took him for a tour and then told him that I would be bringing him there to visit while I did errands. (Don't ask if he would like to go - the answer would probably be no.) It was wonderful to have that respite from 9:00 - 4:00.

A lot is going to depend on the programs available in your area and whether it is a good fit, the ability to get out of the house and socialize can be a huge benefit. As a lonely senior living alone my mom was repeatedly encouraged to try day care, but the program seemed to be used mostly as respite by caregivers of those with dementia, and the activities were not suitable for someone with low vision... for us it was a hard pass.

I'd be asking serious questions right now about what adult day care is doing to protect clients and employees from contracting contagious disease. You can check up-to-date statistics in your area compiled by Johns Hopkins University of Medicine at coronoavirus.jhu.edu
They also will send you a daily bulletin so you can adjust your daily activities according to risk in your area.

There are also senior community centers in some areas. Ours offers exercise classes, lunch Monday through Friday, art classes, games, field trips, etc.

The community centers won’t be all day. If you want all day then look into daycare. Some are connected to the assisted living facilities. Others are independent.

Some churches also have senior activities. You may have to be a member of the church.