She can't stay with me as 1) I won't allow it, and 2) At this point she absolutely hates my guts & wouldn't want to come here anyway (she believes her being in the nursing home is all my fault even tho' she is the one who refused to stay hydrated, refused to participate in PT & OT, etc & managed to land in the hospital & then the nursing home.
All she carries on about is how she is going to get "her" wine come hell or high water.
Are there any facilities that would let her get drunk all day, everyday which is what she was doing from the time she awoke in the morning until she passed out at night before she broke her hip & went "dry" involuntarily?
It's hard to believe she's gone over nine months without alcohol & yet that is all she can think about.
I know this is evil of me, but at her age & with her attitude, I'm almost resigned to her just going ahead & drinking herself to death.
So, are there any places that would let her do that?
4 Answers
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The big question is who will provide her wine? And how much
I think there might be a problem if the AL determines that her drinking is a safety concern. Obviously she can injure herself but they have to take the staff's safety into consideration as well. If they are helping her move from a chair to bed and she is dead weight because she can not participate in the transfer that could possibly injure staff or her. If they then have to use equipment to transfer her that would be Skilled Nursing not AL.
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I would suppose that if she managed to get booze delivered, they wouldn't be able to stop her from getting smashed, but they'd likely also kick her out eventually. I'm not sure cleaning up after nightly binges counts as assisting with "activities of daily living."
I don't know if you have been to Al-Anon. If not, please go because you will meet those who will let you know that you are not alone, that there is nothing you can do for your Mom's alcoholism and that you need resources now to care for yourself and for her so far as you are able. To be honest, at this point, Mom doesn't see an upside to the pain of stopping alcohol; she likely doesn't see much upside to living whatsoever. This may be something you need to accept. Look up the alcoholic's prayer, as it is called, and learn it. I am not a praying person, but it pretty much poetically says it all. I am so sorry. But this just isn't your choice and not everything can be fixed just because we WANT it fixed.