My 87-year-old husband was diagnosed almost 9 years ago with probable Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. We moved to a wonderful CCRC 7 years ago, but he has begun wandering. Going out of the apartment and sometimes outside the building and not being able to find his way back by himself. Long story short, I have been told he needs to move to memory care and, knowing that I'm getting to the end of my ability to care for him 24/7, have made arrangements for him to move into a board-and-care home in about six weeks. We have had several conversations between us and with our son and daughter-in-law about our wishes if one of us should need more care than the other can provide. How do I break it to him that the caregiving has become overwhelming for me and that he will be moving?
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Day 1. Husband was a mess, he spoke at length. MIL took the news calmly and just kept eating her breakfast.
Husband decided he needed to tell her again, since she hadn't reacted, he figured she didn't understand.
Day 2. Husband was calmer and spoke half as long, MIL nodded and kept eating her breakfast.
Day 3. Husband simply lowered the newspaper, reminded his mom we were leaving the next day and she nodded again.
I do think telling her several times after the first time was a lucky plan we stumbled into.... the emotion was dialed down, hopefully that helped.
She happily said goodbye to her sister the next day and we started the 14 hour drive. MIL would lose stability on the drive. About every 90 minute we would stop at either a Walmart or a fast food hamburger place. The familiarity of those places calmed her down and we could continue on our trip.
https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/50-tips-on-transitioning-a-loved-one-to-memory-dementia-or-alzheimers-careyour-blog-post-title-here
I'd let your husband know that it's Doctors orders he move into this new board and care home for his safety.
Is there no Memory Care accommodations in the CCRC you moved into ???? The ones I'm familiar with all have such accommodations since dementia is so common these days.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Short of that, I think you explain it honestly, tell him you will be with him frequently, and just acknowledge that not everything can be fixed or perfect any more, and that's part of aging.
I am so sorry you are faced with this.