Mom fell today. She's not able to control her legs anymore and is officially bedbound, but refuses to believe it. How can I address this with her?

Cashew, I'm glad that you're feeling calmer and more accepting of this awful situation today.

At the end of her life, my mom had a horrific fall and DID get transported to the hospital to stabilize her broken wrist. A day later, the expected bruising on her face appeared and my SIL wanted her taken back to the ER to find out what was going on. I stood my ground and said "no more hospital".

Mom was in a NH already, so it wasn't like there weren't doctors and nurses around. But I get what you're saying.

Can the hospice nurse check for a UTI?

Hospice can bring mom a bolster of sorts designed just for elders who fall out of bed. It worked fairly well for my mother who had advanced dementia, forgot she couldn't walk (daily) and fell 95x as a result. She was never seriously hurt, believe it or not. But the whole situation is horrendous. Hospice also brought mom a taller wheelchair that tipped backwards which did prevent her from falling off the wheelchair. Nothing prevented her falling off the toilet bc she'd refuse to call for help when necessary.

There's only SO MUCH that can be done here.

Best of luck

I'm sorry for all you are going through. I see in your profile that your Mom has vascular dementia.

Before I read your profile, it sounded like she had a stroke. My brother had several small strokes. However, when his brain was recovering from the stroke, occasionally, the right half of the brain refused to cooperate with the left half of the brain so that whatever he was trying to do, wouldn't move. For instance, he would be walking fine, then attempt to turn the corner and his body locked; his body would refuse to go forward or backward. He also had trouble with a fork. Sometimes his brain would refuse to release the fork on the plate. He told me several times that he didn't have control of his movements.

I think you need to take her to the doctor pronto and see what is going on. It could be more than just vascular dementia.

Cashew,

I’m so sorry that you are being blamed for this. Of course, it’s not your fault. My mom fell several times. She had Parkinson’s disease and had balancing issues. It’s heartbreaking.

I had my mom living with us for many years. Caregiving is a tough job! I see where your mom is on hospice at home. My mother was too.

Towards the end she was able to move into an “end of life” hospice home. This was a big relief for her and our family. She had wonderful care around the clock. Is this a possibility for your mom?

dear cashew,

as you know, i've always loved your screen name :).
i loooooove cashew nuts.

regarding what you posted:

1.
the blaming is terrible and so undeserved.
i went through the exact same thing. if i was in the same room, it was my fault. if i was in a different room, my fault. same country, my fault. same planet, my fault. you get the picture.

i don't think you'll ever get her to stop blaming. you can try reasoning with her, defending yourself. you can also try ignoring it. or alternating between standing up for yourself, and ignoring the accusations.

some mothers LOVE to blame their sweet daughters.

the blame will probably affect you and make you feel bad.
don't believe what she says.
detox from her words by being extra, extra, extra sweet to yourself.

2.
as for her falling -- how to prevent it?
many elderly parents listen more to non-family. she might listen much more to the hired caregivers/hospice workers.

hugggggg.

strange edit error...

I read your profile. It looks as tho you moved both parents into your home, and your father passed, but Mom remains and is not doing well at all. Cashew, the long and short is that she may now need placement, and may need to be on palliative care or hospice. I would contact your MD for diagnosis of this new change. She may have sustained a stroke or some other reason, not that it changes things as they are overall. This is going to now be very daunting 24/7 care and should likely be done out of the home. I am so dreadfully sorry. I believe I would call EMS and say this is new, get her assessed and contact social workers at once in hospital to start discharge planning for placement in nursing home. I am so sorry. You cannot spend the rest of her life sitting at her bedside attempting to keep her from getting out of bed.

She's getting up from bed? Here are some ideas I've picked up over the years

You could try adding a bolster under the sheets at the edge of the bed to make it more difficult for her to get up.
Move furniture that she may fall into, and pad what can't be moved
Lower the bed if possible.
Place fall mats on the floor
Use a bed alarm so you know when she's on the move, or a floor alarm so you know if her feet hit the floor.
Where is she trying to go? If she'd be more content in a chair then help her to sit there, then placing a heavy table in front of her can make getting up difficult.