My uncle is in a nursing home because his ex-wife arranged it. She wanted to sell the house, he did not want to. How do I take him home?

Having visits on good terms is quite different than caretaking. Your profile says you have a heart of gold and that you are a single parent with a good and stable job. Taking uncle out will destabilize everything.

My experience: I worked a full time job, my daughter, grandbabies lived with me during the pandemic and my father fell ill. I wanted to care for him so badly but how was the question. I could not leave him alone. My daughter was teaching via computer and the babies were between here and their daddys home. So I had to have him in a nursing home. I visited daily. His dementia was bad and getting worse daily. Finally he was diagnosed with ALZ. I could not take care of him and I knew it. Finally the day came when he did not get out of the bed in the nursing home and was on hospice. My hospice was great and when I realized my daddy was dying I called hospice and had him brought home to me. He was alive five days with me before he passed away and I held his hand, prayed with him and sang to him. My daughter, the grand babies and all his family could call him and he could hear them. He never woke after the third day with me but I could see on his face when he heard a familiar voice he face would smile. Let me tell you, you have two kids, and two grand kids and a full time job. Do not over extend yourself with caregiving - you will be dragging and hating life. Visit your uncle daily and give him some love. hugs to you and yours!

If you aren't his guardian, you can't take him anywhere.

Trust me, dementia progresses to where you cannot care for him at home, and then you'd have to but him back in a home which would be far more traumatic for him. Dementia patients need consistency and familiar surroundings.

Talk to him in his world. If he thinks he's still treating patients, ask him about his cases. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, because he's talking about what's real to him. That adds reassurance for him if you go along with his version of reality.

Taking him home might make you feel like a hero, but in reality you’d be doing the worst thing for him AND yourself.. You have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into.

Why does no one else want much to do with him? The “you’re just going to leave me to die” is a gullt tactic on his part. You had nothing to do with placing him there.

Your profile page says that your uncle is 72, and you state that his dementia is progressing. You don't say when he divorced, or why. Would it be a fair guess that his ex-wife couldn't cope with his (comparatively) early onset dementia? - they separated, the house was sold as part of the settlement, she arranged for him to go into residential care?

At what point were you given power of attorney?

With two children and a full-time job you would have to be off your rocker to attempt taking on the 24/7 care of your uncle. If he isn't happy where he is, or if you aren't happy with the quality of care, look for other options - but your family home can't be one of them.

They all want to "Get Out", it is their mantra. He is in the nursing home for good reasons, not because there is nothing wrong with him.

Caring for someone in his condition requires skilled care. Are you planning to hire for this care, 24/7?

I don't think that you understand what this entails, read around this site, many have tried to do what you are considering and are physical & emotional wrecks.

Good Luck!

Tatalexine4, welcome to the forum. Before you take your Uncle out of the nursing home, ask the nursing home if you can stay 3 full days in your Uncle's room. That will be you an idea of what is involved.

If the nursing home allows this, remember you will see different nurses/aids every 8 or 12 hours, as those employees go home to rest up for the next day shift. You will see how your Uncle is in the morning, if he is agreeable to use the bathroom, for getting dress, etc. Then you can witness how he is when eating. Then how he acts the rest of the morning until lunch time.

And how many times the Staff needs to take him to the bathroom. And how cooperative he is when it is time for his shower, and if it takes two Staff employees to shower him.

You get to see if your Uncle wanders at night, trying to get out of the facility. And how easy/hard it is to get him back into his bed. He may cooperate or he may become defensive. And how many bathroom breaks he needs. Or is he now in the Depend garment stage?

There is a lot to learn about dementia. It's like a person is going back in time and they become child like, but dealing with a 200 lb toddler won't be easy.

Just food for thought.

Tatalexine4- YES, do take your uncle home. After a week, you will find out why you shouldn't have done the stupidest thing to him and yourself. You won't know until you try. So please do.

Tell the nursing home, you're taking him home for a week long visit.
By the way, you will be 100% responsible if anything happens to him.

Please report back after you try.

There are a lot of POA questions here.

If OP has POA, what kind of POA is it? Durable? Medical? Both?

Does OP know how POA works? Is it activated?

How did the ex put him in a nursing home if she didn't have POA?

What happened to his half of the money from the home sale? If he's incompetent, how did she get away with selling the house?

Has OP talked to the administration of the nursing home and asked how his ex-wife was able to admit him? What did his doctors say about him being admitted?

OP needs to return and answer these questions, because this doesn't add up at all.

If you do not hold POA, you have no right to take him out of the SNF. And unless you have tons of experience and knowledge about dementia, you're unqualified TO care for your uncle. While the idea sounds great on paper, the reality of dealing with dementia behaviors 24/7/365 would likely have you scrambling to get him back into the SNF where teams of caregivers work in shifts to accomplish what you'd be trying to do by yourself.

Elders are always pulling out the guilt card to use on others when they're actually living in the proper environment. Be sad for the disease he is suffering from, but not for the fact he's being cared for by a whole team of people.