Spouse abandoned my father at the court house following the ruling to remove her as co-guardian and replace me as his sole guardian. His 24/7 care was dropped into my lap at that moment. Honoring his expressed wish to remain in his home. He is 92 yrs and in early, late stage Alz. I am an RN, with 40 years experience, and 22 years in Home Health and management there. I Have spent past 5 months as Primary c/g, and a total of 2,044 hours in his home Providing Direct Care, Supervision, I hired 24/7/caregivers, managed them, covered vacancies, essentially 'on call' for 5 months. Was responsible for Home Management including, food/meals, home care, safety, EVERYTHING that a person does to maintain a person in their home. Seeking info to obtain court approved payment for my services that are over and above Guardian responsibilities. Other nonskilled, non licensed c/g's were paid per hour, As an RN, acting as Care Manager, Care Giver. Home care Manager, the role has been 24/7 and has prohibited me from obtaining employment elsewhere as an RN.
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You cannot negotiate a contract with yourself.
If it were in fact actually to his advantage to be placed in a quality residential care setting, could that choice be considered?
“….wants to stay in his/her home….” is something that most multiply disabled elderly have said in the course of losing the ability to care and manage for their own affairs, and the consequences of the statement for family members and the individuals themselves, are obviously serious for all involved.
If safe, humane care is accessible in another setting, try to keep it on the table as a viable option when Dad becomes unable to make rational choices concerning his lifestyle.
Or is he already there?
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So.Much.More.
This a real success story of Advocatcy in Action.
Greedy spouse stopped.
Emergency care for Dad found.
A long term MC home found, for a sustainable care plan.
All the Guardian & legal 'stuff' in order.
I am relieved for you about the MC arrangement. I had the impression you wanted to keep Dad at home? But even with your nursing, community & legal knowledge, as you know first hand, running a Home for One is a full-time business. It would indeed keep your life in 'Dad's track' & leave little life for you.. or time for paid work. The burden too great.
I think you should be congratulated. For all that you have done & doing. It has been a tremendous gift of your time, energy & heart.
I wish you success with monetary compensation for it but if this does not eventuate, may you consider it the necessary gift you had to give - because you cared, because you are you.
I hope you stick around as I am sure your knowledge will help others.
I wish you good luck and am so glad your Dad is now in care and that you are now his guardian.
This is a good warning to others. But again, I think few have the dollars needed for these long court fights, and in those cases the elder is the loser.
We brought in their trust and estate attorney a week later who suggested I take over as their trustee, and AT THAT MEETING my dad insisted I be paid for my caregiving. He was still competent and the lawyer was a witness to his request, so after Dad died I reluctantly wrote a check to myself for my time.
I'm not quite sure that can happen for you since your dad isn't competent to pay you. You certainly deserve the pay if it's keeping you from working. Consult an attorney, because that might be the least of your issues. What happens to Dad's money when he dies -- does the spouse who abandoned him get it?
PLUS - the court is involved, and always will be now. And d/to legal Guardianship, and set compensation by law, this question will need to be addressed by a court. Possible less contentious using this venue vs relying on support for pay considering interpersonal trustee relationships. Its all still between a rock and a hard place.
I had no way of knowing the wife would abandon him requiring him to have 24/7 care or placement.... so no 'care contract' was even considered in advance - this is what court will need to know and consider. He continues to say 'I want to go home'. Spouse says it means 'home with her -that she is his 'home'. I know differently b/cause he always said he did not mean his wifes house - He NEVER resided there except for the time she kept him there and would not return him to his home - until it was court ordered and she abandoned him then. I have had the same atty since 2021 - I believe she has represented us (for dads best interests) very well. Once in the court system as G & C, will always remain there until he passes. All because of the spouse greed and manipulation of him for years and esp past few years of his most notable cognitive decline.
Trying to put the horse behind the cart at this time, being guardian doesn't mean one has to take care of another in home care.
His wishes are one thing, reality of the situation is another.
Wish you the best!
You cannot be paid by anyone who is incompetent to make a care contract with you. Your payment as guardian and caregiver will go according to the law in your area at this time and will amount to a very small amount of the total assets of your father.
There is no way for us to get paid a living wage for in home caregiving of our own families that I know of currently anywhere in the United States.
It is crucial now that your elder's assets be wisely used. I believe that means in facility care unless he has almost unlimited funds. I am speaking in terms of millions of dollars. You are currently made sole guardian.
You need a primer on what that means legally, so do consult an elder law attorney. THAT is paid for by your elders funds, but you need to know now how to handle every penny in and every penny out of your Dad's accounts, and to have good proof of same. If your father has an huge estate you should consider a licensed fiduciary to manage care.
Sure do wish you good luck. You fought to get this caregiving job and now you have it, and wow, it is a massive job to take on in so many levels from financial to medical.