My mother imagines we are hiding things from her. She will keep herself up at night worried and calls panicked that we are dying or in jail. How can we help her?

Rosie,

I don’t want to sound rude but judging by your response to Alva, this doctor sounds like a quack!

You’re correct about your mom seeing a doctor in person. It’s likely time for a ‘complete’ physical, including labs.

It doesn’t seem like she is doing well living on her own. Have you thought about alternatives such as an assisted living facility?

Paranoia and irrational behaviors can be signs that your mother is now suffering from some type of dementia. It's definitely more than just grieving.
And the fact that she lives alone is probably no longer a good idea, regardless if she likes it that way or not.
She needs to be seen by a competent neurologist to find out exactly what is going on, and then she should either hire full-time help to come look after her, or look into moving into an assisted living facility where she will be around other folks her own age and have lots of activities to keep her mind busy on other things.
It now has to be about what is best for your mother and her safety, and I think you already know that her living alone is no longer an option that is working for anyone.

First and foremost, in my opinion, is for your mother to RID herself of the person she's calling "doctor" who's nothing more than a quack, prescribing "aspirin to open up blood vessels" to help memory in an Elder he's Zoom diagnosed as NOT having dementia to begin with. Yet her history of paranoia and panicked thinking clearly says otherwise.

Secondly, what mother "likes" and what she needs for safety reasons are 2 different matters.

Please find a new REAL doctor who doesn't use hocus pocus to dx an Elder, and then get in home 24/7 care for the woman. She would likely benefit from calming meds to help her w the delusions and fear, too, the poor soul.

Lastly, plavix and cholesterol meds are the LEAST of her concerns! "Therapy" is intended for people who are lucid and capable of making rational decisions willingly. Mom sounds way past her therapy days to me.

"Mother is 90 and lives alone (she likes it that way)".

But she is not coping.
She is fearful, paranoid & panicked.

I would definately want a medical review. Rule out UTI or other medical causes, eg heart (? low O2 at night may cause panic)

In the short term, is there someone who could stay with Mother at night?

Lack of sleep & panic overnight will have many negative knock-on effects. I'm very sorry, but besides a med review I'm not sure what else you can do.

Sounds to me Mom has Dementia. If so, she should not be living alone. If not, she may be better in an Assisted Living.

I would talk to her DR about her Cholesterol meds. Its been proven that Statins contribute to Dementia. They effect cognitivity . You may see a slight difference if she is taken off. Blood thinners cause internal bleeding so may be good to take her off if on for years.

Never heard of an aspirin opening up blood vessels. It does thin the blood so probably not be taken with her blood thinners. Also, causes stomach problem. Mom needs a neurologist to determine if she has a Dementia. There could be other factors that labs can rule out.

A PCP/GP knows a little about everything and a lot about nothing. Dementia/ALZ is beyond a PCPs capabilities. They can't be determined by a Zoom meeting.

Hi Rosie, Sorry to hear the issues you are having.

I agree with AlvaDeer. I think if you mom is happy going into the doctor for an assessment, then it's most likely the best first step.

Bereavement can have all kinds of effects on a person, from the young to the old. I'm sorry to hear about your loss too.

What exactly does your mom think you are hiding, can you go to the house and take a complete inventory of everything, photograph everything and show your mom things she thinks are hidden. However this idea I don't expect to reverse your mom's way of thinking, even after proving the items are still there. I think she will believe what she wants to believe regardless.

The things you mentioned are certainly not what one would say is normal behavior. You're right to ask this forum and I see some great suggestions already (and they're far more experienced than me) and you've already mentioned the in-person visit to the doctor. I think this will provide conclusive answers and a way forward.

The neuropsychologist may be able to connect the dots, i.e is there any pattern to the type of things suspected of being hidden.

Please keep us all updated on this forum on how things go and what the doctor recommends. We'll support you through this.

Blessing & Peace.

1. Urinary Tract Infections sometimes cause these symptoms. If they have appeared suddenly, please get her tested.

2. Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? There are meds that can help with these kinds of issues.

3. Has she been seen by a neuropsychologist? Are there cognitive issues in play?

What is your Mom's diagnosis as far as dementia goes? Has she been assessed. This is not normal behavior and your Mom perhaps is no longer safe living alone.