What if we go first?

Then we hope those we're helping have a back up plan in place or are willing to bring in extra help, if not go to the nursing home.

Idk if my mom has a backup plan if I get sick, hurt, or worse.

Maybe I am becoming old & selfish with my attitude already 😁...
New plan: to outlive them all.

I suppose it's a fair question if asked asked by anyone else. I do feel that your father being the one asking makes it self-absorbed and obnoxious, but I guess older people become like kids and just think they are the center of the universe.

Having an elder care lawyer involved is probably the best advice.

Hope everything turns out okay with regard to your health and you get through your caregiving ordeal so that you can enjoy life on the other side of it.

someguyinca: Perhaps you should retain an elder law attorney.

Don’t wait another day to get a lawyer. I just went through this very same scenario and what you don’t/I didn’t know is a lot. Forget the opinions offered here—this needs an expert.

Better to "name" a trusted relative or friend through whatever legal document his local town/government requires. Simply, set up a visit with the local lawyer who handles family law. A financial institution can handle his finances, but there will be fees involved.

I have had good luck with an accountant and a bookkeeper on separate occasions. In fact, currently my accountant is copied our bank and financial statements, no current ability to manage funds. However, she is in our will as an adviser to our kids, along with our lawyer. At our age, we might become gaga without awareness. I figure she can catch it. She has helped us and other family members for a long time.

Yes, this occurred to me as I was frantically trying to plan my husband's course and then it hit.................OMG, what if I go first? I spoke to my Elder Law Attorney and she told me that we could hire a guardian to take my place for managing finances, taxes, living arrangements and health providers. So, that his the plan B for us. I requested that my attorney make the arrangement and to have the guardian report to her for transparency and accountability.

FYI
https://www.familylawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/guardianship/overview/purpose-and-types-of-a-guardianship

Did you ask him who is going to take care of you with your terrible bloodwork? Does he even know you are having health issues? Just curious what he says about that or is it all about him?

There are licensed Geriatric Care Consultants. Perhaps you should meet with one.
you can also google Silver Bills.

Interview and have all the safeguards in place, legally.
Consult an attorney first.
Fiduciaries are mandated by law to do what is required (I was one)

Gena / Touch Matters

If you go first, have a plan in place that is doccumented by an attorney regarding care.

For handling his daily mail, have a trusted friend or relative do that. They can sort bills, junk, and personal items. The bills should be delivered weekly to an accountant.

If you have an accountant that you use for taxes, consider giving him/her financial POA to manage monthly bills. This will also make doing your taxes easier, since they will then already have a spreadsheet of all expenditures.

A quarterly report can be mailed to the friend/family member by the accountant so that they will be able to ensure that everything is accurate.

See if there is a daily financial planner in your area at aadmm.com
This person could even take over for you if you are ill. Also consult with an elder law attorney. When I traveled out of the country, I appointed someone as fiduciary for my LO

A reasonable question. My moms 89 …me 72… my only sibling 70 yr old is in poorer general heath then mom {Lewy}. We will set up my only child to take over if one of us die before mom…..I expect my mom may live to 100. It is reasonable to think an 80 yr old child could die first.. people in good health …now outlive their brains.

I would contact a trained Licensed Financial Fiduciary. They are appointed by the courts when there is no family to manage the funds and the care and placement of elders. Your attorney, or an elder law attorney in your area will know how to guide you in finding one as they are often in court SEEKING one. I sure wish you both the same. You are correct to wonder because this does happen.

Me "going first" was a thought I had while I was caring for my Husband.
I set up a "Special Needs Trust" so that my assets would or could only be used for his care. (I know he would have been placed in a MC facility as there is no way family (s-daughter) would have been able to care for him at home she works and has her own family to consider. and s-son lives out of state)
A Geriatric Care manager would be able to much of what you are looking to have done. But your GCM should have someone to report to I would hope that someone would be your dad's POA.

Your dad should be concerned about your health if you are dealing with your own issues.

Please take care of yourself.

Look into resources for your dad, perhaps speak to his doctor or a hospital social worker for suggestions.

Then start to make plans for caring for your own needs.

Best wishes to you and your father.

Gee thanks Dad, I'm so glad to know you won't be worried that I DIED, just that your MAIL and finances won't be tended to.

How about you get dad placed NOW in AL so all his 'worries' about you going first can be put to rest, knowing others will be there to take care of him?

Thank you!

Looks like exactly what we're after.

Check out geriatric care managers. AARP has some good articles on their website.