<p style="color:#000000!important;" data-acsb-active-color="#000000">The dichotomy seems to add more stress to caregiving. I've only been a caregiver for four years. I provide for nearly all my husband's needs, and I care for him willingly...and lovingly. But there are those moments when I want a life of my own back. I do have help twice weekly, that allows me 3 hours respite each time. I'm not greedy or ungrateful...but it does leave me wanting more. DH is not yet ready for AL nor bad enough for long term nursing...and Neitther of us want that. The idea of my husband sitting in the hallway in a wheelchair....in a soiled or wet pull up, is almost more than my heart could bear. <p style="color:#000000!important;" data-acsb-active-color="#000000">
<p style="color:#000000!important;" data-acsb-active-color="#000000">I think I'm just letting off steam here. The journey is agonizingly slow...and yet way too fast! <p style="color:#000000!important;" data-acsb-active-color="#000000">
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4 Answers
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I know that after my husband passed, there was a relief for me that I no longer had to be his caregiver and watch his decline, and relief that he was now in a much better place where he was once again whole.
It's an odd combination relief and grief, but they often coexist side by side, especially after a long hard journey with our loved one.
Hang in there. I'm sure you're doing a great job. Just make sure that you're taking care of yourself along the way, as you matter too.
God bless you.
The last month of my Husbands life was a difficult one for me. He was pretty much confined to bed, the CNA from Hospice did not want to get him into the shower so it was bed baths. The last 2 weeks or so he was not eating and drinking very little if any.
I sat and talked to him. I started crying as I told him that he was free to go, that I would be alright.
It suddenly hit me that the crying was for me!
I was the one left behind..
I was the one that was going to miss him...
I was the one that was losing the love of my life...
These were selfish tears. (I am getting a bit weepy now writing this out...)
HE was going to be at peace at last. He was going to be free of the body that remained for so long after his mind left him.
He had not been the smiling, happy man with baby blue eyes for so long. So to be free of that body would be a blessing.
I have many saying taped to my computer and tacked to the calendar next to it but here are 2 that I particularly like
Crying is a way your eyes speak
when your mouth can't explain how broken
your heart is.
I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you
And then I realized...
You spent the rest of your life with me.
(**by the way because it is me responding..I am very pro Hospice. My Husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years. I would find out if your husband would qualify for Hospice. You will get lots of help. A nurse weekly, a CNA at least 2 times a week and all the supplies and equipment that you need. Not to mention the emotional support that you get form the staff. And you can request a Volunteer that can help you or sit with your husband while you get some things done. They can be with him for a maximum of 4 hours and the can not do "hands on care". And if your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see if he qualifies for any services from the VA)
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Please know that what you are feeling is completely normal. It’s unbearable at times to watch those we love suffering.
It’s just as hard to feel as if life is passing us by.
I respect your decision not to place your husband at this time and I certainly understand that everyone needs to vent once in awhile.
If your frustrations increase to a point where you’re completely miserable then you might want to reconsider your options.
At least tour a few facilities now before it is actually necessary. I say this because that is what was recommended to me. I was glad that I saw what was available in my area.
I might add that every place I toured said that it was easier for a resident to adjust if they were placed before it became absolutely necessary.
Also consider that often times they have waiting lists to enter a facility.
Best wishes to you and your husband. You sound like a very loving wife and your husband is blessed to have you by his side. Just remember to care for yourself too.