How do I decide if it’s time to resign from being my mom’s POAHC? It seems I have little “power” anyways.

My mom completed a durable, healthcare, power of attorney and named me as primary agent years ago. However, last year she received her second neuropsych eval, and was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Her POA was activated right then and there. I did not even fully understand what that meant as far as me. But in the explanation given in the notes from the neuropsych eval, it made it clear that my mother could no longer make any medical decisions for herself. In the actual letter, it stated that she was not competent enough to do so. However, in the additional notes , the psychiatrist noted under a suggestion that my mom should not make any medical, legal, or financial decisions on her own.

My mom has been given a 30 day notice from the adult family home that she has been residing in for only four months. This will now make her third 30 day notice in three years. Each time it has been due to her behavior. She is verbally, aggressive, accusatory, and paranoid. She has been formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, schizoaffective disorder, and anxiety, and is cognitively impaired.. And this is in addition to her already having diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease.

I am reaching complete burnout state. I know this because every other day I am reduced to tears after dealing with her. At times I feel like my head is going to explode off of my neck. She is making every decision I make, completely difficult. I feel as though she is sabotaging every thing I am doing to try and help her.

What’s worse, they don’t even want mom to move to their state. I am the one who receives all of the phone calls, all of the emails, and experiences all of the drama associated around caring for my mother.

Since this last and most recent 30 day notice, I have decided that she should no longer live in an adult family home. We had also tried a SIL, supported independent, living apartment, and that did not work, because she said her kitchen on fire twice, and was even verbally abusive to the staff there. Hence her getting a 30 day notice from there as well. So now I am trying to find a CBRF for her to live in. The problem is she has an emotional support animal, her cat, snowball. It has become increasingly difficult to find a residence that will take her cat. am I wrong for wanting her to get placed somewhere even if it means she could no longer keep her cat? We now are 20 days away from when she needs to move. And her insurance/case manager has said that she has found three places so far that will not except her due to her having the pet. After all of the stress that I have been through these past decades, I do not want to be present when it is time for her to move. And I certainly don’t want to be present or be the one to tell her that she cannot keep her cat. I feel like I have endured enough emotionally. Over the weekend, my mother went behind my back and was trying to see if she could get an apartment by herself. When I spoke with her case manager about this, the case manager told me that it does not matter if her POA has been activated. That if I want her to move to a CBRF, but that my mom wants to move to her own apartment Dash then, they are under obligation to support my mother’s wishes. If that is the case, then what is the point of having an activated POA?