Dad says he needs his "original will" in order to make a new one, and I don't want to. What do you think?

PS. In case this helps..

I met a man a while back determined to change his will. Out with Son - in with latest Nephew or something similar. (Son was being 'controlling' & become a 'thief' in his eyes). He was also at the *stolen stage* (hidden/misplaced items). His son insisted on a neuro-psych exam. Testing revealed the extent of his memory, judgement, processing & planning cognitive problems. among other observations he was passed as being capable of SMALL financial transactions (day to day shopping) but NOT for LARGE transactions eg buying/selling property.

He stated he wanted to change POA to a nephew - yet when asked who he wanted to make financial decisions for him if he could not do it himself, he answered clearly "My son".

I did not hear the actual outcome to his legal ability to change his WILL or POA. But even untrained as I am, I could see the disconnect with his reasoning.

I wonder if your Dad is kind of in the area?

I guess people with all sorts of judgement & memory issues must try to re-do their wills all the time.

But I also guess a legal professional has procedures to follow if cognitive problems are suspected? Maybe some with legal knowledge know more about this? I image those with good vocab & showtiming skills slip through to succeed.

But what to do now.
Give him his will or not? 🤔

How about truth + stall + investigate before action?

"Dad, I've been a little concerned about things going missing in your room." (Truth) "So I'd like to look into getting a safe box or something similar".
(Small white lie to stall)

"By the way, that doctor appointment is coming up".
(Make that true)

That may be a general doctor for a dementia screening test, or the next step, for longer neuro testing.

Yes he has rights to his own documents, so I feel bad for stalling & a white lie.. but I think an average person would be cautious like you, based on the behaviour you described & it would be reasonable to delay until some clarification on his decision making powers has been made.

Legally the document is your dad’s, so he has every right to request it.

Would he know the difference if you were to make a copy of the will?

Or do you not want him to see what is on the original will because he may be confused by it? What is he opposed to on the will?

Did he tell you what specific changes that he would like to make?

Have you explained to him that he can write a codicil to accompany his original will?

I wouldn’t hand over the original will to him if he will lose it or destroy it.

Best wishes to you.

He doesn't need the old will or a copy of it to make a new one. The will of most recent date overwrites any made previously. It just makes life simpler if former wills are destroyed, that's all.

He does, however, need to be of sound mind to make a valid will at all. Is he? Would a lawyer be satisfied that he is?

Your previous posts indicate he has cognitive issues and you're POA. Contact the elder lawyer who set this up & ask for his advice. Good luck

My answer won't help your situation, however, I want to share something that may help someone else. My FIL lost his will, POA, Living will, the whole folder. When his wife died last April my hubby brought him from Florida back up north by us, and FIL asked hubby to take him to a lawyer to draw up those documents again. The eldercare lawyer also talked FIL into having her draw up paperwork for a trust to protect money and assets. She charged a lot of money to draw up a trust. It was a waste. There is a 5 year look back in my state if someone applies for Medicaid in a nursing home. The man probably won't even live 5 more years or run out of money before he dies. Even if he lived 5 more years , he will end up in SNF much sooner than 5 years. He barely walks. It was way too late to set up a trust. I feel like this was unethical on the lawyer's part.

Let’s see if my internet service will cooperate.

If he is of sound enough mind to change his will, he can handle it himself. If his dementia has obscured his abilities and judgement too much and he’s in the raging at loved ones dementia stage, he shouldn’t be changing anything.

What if you ask for the new lawyer’s name and address, telling him you will then courier it directly to insure it does not get lost and so his new lawyer can have time to review it before they meet? Puts the onus back on your father. My mother raged about things after having lost the capacity to make sensible decisions.

Keep the original in a safe place, like a fireproof box.

I am in Canada and we do not have to surrender a will to make a new one. And a codicil can be added to make minor changes. I found multiple wills in my mother’s house as she had hers redone upon the death of my father, the death of my husband and my remarriage and birth of my children. I am keeping all, and will refer to the most recent upon her death.

Grrr. My internet is wonky today.

When mother was in early vascular dementia she changed her will several times. She certainly was somewhat paranoid then and the "new wills" were a little crazy. In the end her final will reflected what she had always wanted - an even split between her offspring. In your situation I would give him copies, stall and so on. Hopefully he will start to obsess about something else soon.

He doesn't need his will to remove you as executor. He can have a new document drawn up superseding any old one. This so speaks dementia to me. I am sorry you are going through this. Does he have a new person, a good alternative for executor? Franky I wish my mother had. Life would have been easier for me.

He wants to remove me as executor is all I know. He doesn’t have much in the way of assets — I’m just concerned he’s going to do something like tear it up.

Keep stalling. If he is not of sound mind, then it's a waste of time and money, but having said that, some attorneys will simply do what a client wants, irrespective of what is really what the client's state of mind.

My mom kept adding little 'afterthoughts' to her will, they were not 'pleasant' and sadly, I read them and they were basically posthumous slaps in the face.

That's likely what your dad wants to do--and honestly, after reading what mom had added (not legal by any act) my heart is still hurting, at some level. She was mad or disappointed in me, but I will never know why.

In the end, the will/trust that she and dad did together was the one they made 20+ years ago and that was the one that was honored.

Thank goodness for my YB who was FPOA. He 'cleaned up' the will, and with the help of an attorney, reinstated the original 'meaning' of the will--what DAD and mom together chose to do. YB knew that these little 'jabs' were meant to hurt my other YB and me, and he didn't know why either.

This has made it kind of hard to grieve her passing. I know she was 'mad' at me, or disappointed and I don't have any clue as to what I did.

This dynamic actually made it very easy for me to rescind my 'inheritance' and give it to my YB who cared for her in his home for the last 18 years, the last 7 being very hands on and draining.

I am very glad that my YB never knew of these 'additions'. He cared for her for so long with zero remuneration. Yet she was 'billing' him for over $6K to be paid back to the estate.

This kind of thing happens all the time.

I've not read where anyone asked why he is wanting to change his will. Is he wanting to remove you from it, thus why you're not wanting him to have the original?
If your dad has had no official diagnosis of dementia and no one is his POA then he has every right to change his will if he wants to.
There are always 2 sides to every story, well actually three, your side, his side and the truth.
I can't help but be suspicious here as to why you don't want him to change it unless it involves removing you. Does he have good reason to remove you?

Has he mentioned what he wants to change?

I wouldn’t give him the original. In fact, I’d probably put it in a bank safe deposit box. But I’m sure that if he wants to change his will, he can hire a lawyer to come to his assisted living home and do it there. It’s up to the lawyer to decide if dad is capable to sign. Also dad could download internet forms and create a will himself, having it notarized at the facility or the UPS store. In my state, a handwritten will is legal.
Just things to think about.

You are right to be cautious.
I do not think you "need" an original Will in order to draft a new one, the old one would be void with the drafting of the new one.
I would get him to a doctors appointment and when you schedule the appointment say you need testing for his cognition. the "problem" with that is it will probably not be able to be done in that 1 visit, the doctor would probably refer him to a Neurologist.
And to echo other comments..do you have POA?
If he is declared incompetent you may not get a lawyer that will let him appoint you POA and that may leave Guardianship. (If he can grasp some understanding the lawyer may determine that he is cognizant enough to appoint a POA)

I agree with JoAnn. Take him for a cognitive/memory test (make up a therapeutic fib so he doesn't know this is the reason for the appointment). Once he has a diagnosis in his records, he may no longer be able to change a Will.

Stalling is what I would do... just tell him you're looking for it, then change the topic. Keep redirecting the conversation.

You need to get Dad evaluated for a Dementia. Do u have POA? If so is it immediate or Springing? If Springing you need one or more Drs. to declare him incompetent to make informed decisions.

Do not give him the original. Tell him if he can get u an address for the lawyer you will send him the original. Important papers like a Will should not be lying around his room, tell him. May get lost.

Just keep stalling. Dont give him the original.