Is it common for 90+ mother to remember my father's illness and death incorrectly?

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Julie71 Asked March 2023

Is it common for 90+ mother to remember my father's illness and death incorrectly?

My father passed away over 3 years ago For the last year of his life my 90+ mother and myself took care of him. He was also in a rehab/nursing home for about 8 weeks. My mother recalls that time and the circumstances of his death incorrectly. She seems to want to blame his death on anything other than it was his time. I don't even try to set her straight as it has led to her getting angry at me. I'm tired of hearing about things that never happened or people who were to blame. My father lived a long, mostly healthy life and I am grateful for the time I had with him.

Delusions End of Life Memory Loss Relationships

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score 1 · Answer 1

My mother forgot my dad and their 66 years together within two months of his death, so yes, it's not uncommon.

I think part of it was her dementia, but a bigger part was the complete and utter shock of losing him. I don't think she ever thought he'd go first.

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score 1 · Answer 2

You know even though she was there it was a stressful time. At 90+ she probably is some mental decline. Even to the point Dad was not 90+ at the time and her either.

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score 2 · Answer 3

It seems like dementia to me. She’s probably lost the exact memory and fills in the holes with made up stories. That’s confabulation and common in dementia. Don’t argue, just let it go. It’s in the past and doesn’t matter anymore. Her brain’s failing and neither she nor you can change that.

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score 1 · Answer 4

At the age of 90+ I can only imagine that your mother is now suffering from some mental decline, and perhaps even some dementia, so it's not uncommon for those folks who's brains are now broken to remember things differently than we do.
There's no use trying to correct her or argue with her as you will never win and only aggravate her and yourself.
So just go along with whatever she is saying and move on. It's really not a hill to die on.

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Is it common for 90+ mother to remember my father's illness and death incorrectly?

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