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kimdeering Asked March 2023

My mom is currently in AL, but has improved and feels it necessary to go home with help. Any advice?

Beatty Mar 2023
Start with an updated needs assessment to get a good clear picture of her care needs.
- What level of independence does Mom have with all her ADLS & iADLS?
- Are there memory or judgement problems?
- What specific level of daily help would she need?

IF this of support is available AND affordable AND Mom has a home (or can find one) just maybe you could proceed.

But I would turn this around.
Ask Mom WHY she wants to move. What is missing from her current life in AL. Find that & add it where she is of you can!

Is there a chance Mom is doing nothing more than reminiscing about her past? When she was independent? Has depression snuck in? Going home won't make her young again sadly 😞

BurntCaregiver Mar 2023
Your profile says you need help finding homecare for your mother. An assisted living facility is not a rehab where people go to get better then go home. They go to AL and live there permanently because they cannot be managed at home anymore.
What normally follows AL is a nursing home or memory care.
Leave your mother where she is unless you're willing to take on the task of bringing in homecare and managing them, along with all of your mother's needs.

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Grandma1954 Mar 2023
2 big questions
Has mom "improved" and can she live INDEPENDENTLY?
Does mom actually have a home to return to?
It might be wise to check out cost of caregivers, and if she has no home to return to then you need to add in cost of Mortgage or rent, homeowners insurance or renters insurance, gas, electric, cable, garbage, water and food.
Will she need 24/7 caregivers or just a few hours each day?
Are you planning on providing any or all of the necessary care? If so are you ready to do that and give up all your time and energy?

Fawnby Mar 2023
Someone has to manage the home and the help. Will that be you? It’s a major job and will take lots of time and energy, so be careful. Seems like she wants to live “independently” but rarely is that possible for someone who’s already been in AL unless she has some poor sucker to depend on.

NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2023
Your profile says that she is 83. I wonder why she would want to go back home. Is she unhappy at her facility?

I would prefer having a complete staff over one individual helping her at home.

AlvaDeer Mar 2023
What do you think of this plan?
How well is Mom? How able to take care of herself?
How are her assets? Does she fully understand the cost of "help"?
And most of all, is Mom competent to make this decision? And if not, who is her POA?
Hope you can provide us a bit more so we can attempt to help a bit more. My best out to you, Kim.

JoAnn29 Mar 2023
Keep her where she is. Its not like she is in a NH. She has freedom to come and go as she pleases. To just hire someone 40 hrs a week at $20 an hour will cost her $800 a wk, $3200 a month. And what happens when the aide does not show up?

She may be doing better because of where she is. Really, no worries. She has 3 meals and day and snacks. Someone helps her when she needs it. There is an RN on duty and/or an LPN. CNAs are not medically trained. They cannot give shots or dispense meds, meaning they can remind but not handle the pills in any way. Mom does not have the worry of cleaning her house or paying someone to do it. No upkeep on a house that takes money. No taxes.

Maybe you should make up a spread sheet. Showing her the advantages of staying where she is and the disadvantages of staying in her home. Count up her taxes and bills she would not need to pay. My Moms taxes would have paid for over 1 month in her AL. I had to use her SS to cover taxes and other bills. Money she would have offset the cost of her AL. I so wish I had talked Mom into getting an apt when my Dad died and selling her home.

Suba5723 Mar 2023
Keep her in AL. You will be glad you did!

lkdrymom Mar 2023
If she needs any help assisted living is the place to be. She does realize 24/7 in home help would be too expensive, right? Much more than she pays now.

LoopyLoo Mar 2023
Don’t do it. Even if she is doing better now, her physical/mental issues will worsen with time. Then you’ll have to go through the process of placing her again. By then she’ll be older and it will be a harder adjustment.
againx100 Mar 2023
Good points. I concur!

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