I have been the caregiver for my mother with dementia for 3 years now. Yesterday, for the first time, she didn't know me. It's hard. Advice?

Yes to what Funky said, she knows you are someone important, just not that you her daughter. I think my Mom thought I was her Mom.

I was with my Mom one day when we ran into someone we knew. The woman asked my Mom how her kids were. Mom indignantly said "I don't have any children!". Yep, I was standing right there. She had me at 21 so I knew then she had gone back to the years before me.

It’s really rough.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, the first time it happened with my mom.

I pray for help from God, every time I walk into my mother’s facility. For help to face each new grief without falling to my knees with sadness. For help to keep a smile on my face as my mother’s body is there in the room, but not her mind.

He gives the grace for each and every visit.

You’ve got lots of company, here on the forum. Big hugs!

And tomorrow she may "know" you again. And next Thursday she will forget again, but Monday she may again remember.
This, Dementia, is a rollercoaster of emotions, stresses, anxiety, hopefulness, hopelessness and everything in between.
You take the good days and be grateful for them
You take the bad days and remind yourself that tomorrow might be a good one.
On the good days you talk, hold hands and thank her for being a good mom.
On the bad days you keep your visit short and thank her for being a good mom.

You must remember that even though she may occasionally not remember who exactly you are, she will always know that you are someone that comes to visit and that cares for and about her. And sometimes that has to be enough.

This might help you. Take it one hour at a time….

My Daddy Forgot My Name

My daddy forgot my name today
It seems so strange to say
This day became eventual
As daddy fades away

Letters on white paper
Not etched into his mind
Just a word, just a word
A word he could not find

Gone... but forgotten
Blurry time and space
Oh what's in a name, Dad?
See the smile here on my face?

We put our trust in God
One hour at a time
We cling onto Dad's spirit
As time erases his mind

Our love knows his heart
His heart, so strong and true
We remember his strength
And the things he used to do

We treasure every moment
We treasure every smile
From dawn to time for bed
Facing each and every trial

Outside a storm is brewing
The world is in a hurry
Unkind words and heartbreak
Stress and work and worry

In the arms of God, 
Where we are living still,
Peace returns, enters joy
Blessings are so REAL!

My Daddy forgot my name today
And, that's OK with me
Believing in what God has planned
Is all we will ever need

-Debi Huizar

My mom did not know me at the end of her life but she loved me. She could not say my name but she knew that I cared and was watching after her. The knowledge of a name or how we are connected may fade, but in my case, the love remained. She still hugged me, she still smiled when I walked in the room, and she was sad when I left. That may not be the case for everyone but it was a small thing that gave me comfort, God bless you as you go through this journey.

The person you knew is gone. Make friends with the new person even if it has to be done every visit. If she doesn’t know you introduce yourself and sit down to talk. Good luck.

I do not think my Husband "knew" who I was. BUT he would give me a kiss when I would lean and and tell him I was "going to work" when I left him with a caregiver. I never once saw him turn to kiss a caregiver when they said good bye to him. Caregivers would tell me that he would make "excited noises" when he would hear the garage door open in the afternoon.
So while he may not have "known" me he knew I was safe, that I would care for him and that I would make sure that he was cared for. I suppose that is all one can hope for when you are being cared for by another person and completely dependent upon that person.

My mom was a wonderful lady who was active in her career and community well into her mid-80's. After hip surgery, her condition began to change, and that is when I, her son, took on the roll as full-time caregiver. As part of our daily routine, I incorporated an exercise where I asked her to write down her DOB, SS Number, Address, and phone number. Then I had her sign her name. As time went on, there were days when it was difficult for her, but she always completed the exercise. Her Dr. thought it was good idea when I told him what I was doing. It became even more challenging as she began to have TIA episodes (mini-strokes).

I only recall one time when mom hesitated when I asked, "What is my name?" She looked closely, paused, and said, "Don." It was difficult to see a once vibrant woman slowly decline, but I am content with the fact she was able to remain at home until the day before she passed at age 93. As an Eagle Scout, I took an oath that begins with "On my honor, I will do my best..." While I sometimes question certain decisions I made, I can honestly look back and say, "I did my best." If you can say that, then you have succeeded as her caregiver.

All I want to say right now is, I love you all! What a blessing to be in this group!