Mom is in memory care and will turn 95 this year. I am conflicted as to whether or not to have a big celebration at a nice venue. Opinions?

Small family celebration only. Make a birthday party, not a 95th birthday party.


Keep in mind that if her dementia is anything like my mother's, she doesn't think she's 95. My mom made it a couple months past 92, and by then she thought she was 16 and in high school again. A 92nd birthday celebration would have baffled her more than anything.

Not a good idea. Have her family-only party at her facility. Have you asked if they can take the lead on this and provide the cake, etc?

The rest of you get together somewhere else. Keep things quiet and level for her! Disruption = confusion.

You didn't mention when her birthday is, but her mental state may have deteriorated quite a bit by then. It's what to expect at her age.

I hope her special day will be really special for all of you.

I would forgo any "big celebration"
The best thing you could do would be have a small party (maybe several, I'll get to that) at the MC facility where she lives.
Siblings should (if they wish) come visit but not all at the same time.
When each visits they can bring their own party cake, treats...
If you want to visit with all the siblings do so in another location and do not bring mom.
This way mom is not overwhelmed with LOTS of people, noise and confusion.
Keeping it at the MC where mom lives keeps it in a place she is safe and feels safe. If it gets to be to much she can return to her room.

As said, those suffering from Dementia get overwhelmed easily. My Mom was always ready to go home within the hour when we were out. They are perfectly happy in their small world because its familiar.

If she is in MC, I would not take her out. You really don't need to do anything big. The other residents will enjoy a party. Just bring cake, drinks, and paper goods. If ur siblings want to travel then they can do that. For my Mom it was immediate family. She really did not know who was not there. But everyone enjoyed that cake. Make it short because they tire easily.

I think you and siblings will be very disappointed if you try and have something big. Not just that Mom will get overwhelmed and ready to leave not long after she gets there but, she does not really have the ability to appreciate it. So don't expect a TU for all the trouble you went thru.

Once mom entered a NH (with dementia) we brought the parties to her residence. That way, when she got tired, she could go back to her room.

Usually, facilities have a room you can use for events like this.

All memory care facilities have large rooms that families can use for gatherings, so instead I would reserve a room at her facility and keep it fairly simple as she more than likely won't remember it anyway.
And when she's tired and has had enough you can just bring her to her room and the CNA's can put her in bed.
Folks with dementia can very easily be overwhelmed around too many people so again I would keep it as simple as possible.

I would not take an mc resident offsite. Their immediate world is where it is.