If she's at her home when she asks this, it's called Sundowning -- a very common feature of dementia. She is referring to her childhood home.
I'm in agreement to use therapeutic fibs to explain why she's staying where she is at. Then change the topic and keep changing it, or engage her in an activity to distract her mind. Sometimes people with dementia can become very agitated while they are Sundowning, so best for you to educate yourself more about it. I recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube: she's a dementia and caregiving expert and gives great explanations and solutions on how to better interact with our LOs with dementia for more peaceful and productive time together.
Home is an important topic with dementia. Some don’t want to leave their home, some don’t recognize their home. My late FIL thought he had two homes exactly the same.
If she is asking if the two of you are going home and you are already at her home, then just say, We are staying here tonight. Let me help you get ready for bed or let’s see what’s on tv. She doesn’t recognize her home at this stage You don’t want to try to explain that she is already home. That won’t calm or soothe her. She may not feel “at home “ anywhere. Some people think she may be referring to her childhood home. Sometimes I will ask my DH Aunt what her address is and she will give me an old address. Or I will ask her how old she is and she lops off 10 or 20 years. If someone else asks her she will give an answer and then look at me to see if she’s right. I just go along with whatever she says.
I always think of the lyrics to an old hymn when the home question comes up.
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through, My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue; The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door, And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.
Check out Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She is really helpful with her tips on redirecting.
Your profile states that your mom has Alzheimer’s disease. How far along is she?
Are there other things that she isn’t quite grasping as much as she is about ‘going home.?’ Have you spoken with your mom’s neurologist about this situation?
According to your profile you have moved in with your mom in order to care for her.
There are several people on this site that have parents who have Alzheimer’s disease. I’m sure that they will be happy to help you with your concerns.
My mom had Parkinson’s disease with dementia. So, I do not have much experience with Alzheimer’s disease.
My godmother had Alzheimer’s disease and her sons placed her in a nursing home to be cared for.
4 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I'm in agreement to use therapeutic fibs to explain why she's staying where she is at. Then change the topic and keep changing it, or engage her in an activity to distract her mind. Sometimes people with dementia can become very agitated while they are Sundowning, so best for you to educate yourself more about it. I recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube: she's a dementia and caregiving expert and gives great explanations and solutions on how to better interact with our LOs with dementia for more peaceful and productive time together.
"Are we going home tonight?"
"We'll go there tomorrow, but for now, we're staying here."
"Where's (whoever died that she can't remember)?"
"They were just here this morning. They're coming again later."
"Do you know my daughter?" (assuming daughter is yourself)
"Yes, she's lovely."
There's no point in forcing the truth on a person whose mind can't comprehend it anymore. It's easier on you both.
ADVERTISEMENT
Some don’t want to leave their home, some don’t recognize their home. My late FIL thought he had two homes exactly the same.
If she is asking if the two of you are going home and you are already at her home, then just say, We are staying here tonight. Let me help you get ready for bed or let’s see what’s on tv.
She doesn’t recognize her home at this stage You don’t want to try to explain that she is already home. That won’t calm or soothe her. She may not feel “at home “ anywhere. Some people think she may be referring to her childhood home. Sometimes I will ask my DH Aunt what her address is and she will give me an old address. Or I will ask her how old she is and she lops off 10 or 20 years. If someone else asks her she will give an answer and then look at me to see if she’s right. I just go along with whatever she says.
I always think of the lyrics to an old hymn when the home question comes up.
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through,
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;
The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door,
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.
Check out Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She is really helpful with her tips on redirecting.
Welcome to the forum.
Are there other things that she isn’t quite grasping as much as she is about ‘going home.?’ Have you spoken with your mom’s neurologist about this situation?
According to your profile you have moved in with your mom in order to care for her.
There are several people on this site that have parents who have Alzheimer’s disease. I’m sure that they will be happy to help you with your concerns.
My mom had Parkinson’s disease with dementia. So, I do not have much experience with Alzheimer’s disease.
My godmother had Alzheimer’s disease and her sons placed her in a nursing home to be cared for.
Best wishes to you and your family.