How many times a week/month do you see your grandkids or help with their care?

From your responses Babs I really can't see the problem. You have the kids enough to have a special place in your home for them to play. Understandably, your husband is retired and does not want to be Daycare and I so understand it.

My niece lost her babysitter. My SIL worked f/t but did not like her job. Brother was retiring and going on Medicare. He made a deal with daughter that she would pay her Mom enough to pay for her health insurance (SIL is under 65) with some "mad" money left over. My SIL goes to daughters house in the morning. Gets them up, dressed and fed. She later brings them back to her house. The problem, brother wants some time to himself to do what he wants without a 2 yr old and 4 year old around.

As parents who have raised their own kids we should not be expected to share in raising our Grands. My SIL loves caring for her grands. I was 44 when my first grandson was born with an 8 yr old of my own. I loved him but some resentment that I was caring for a grand when I still had one of my own. Other grandson,
my daughter did not want to put an infant into daycare. So I agreed to babysit until he was 2 and ready for Daycare. But...I was paid. Not a lot but paid. That went into a bank account and 5 yrs later DD, SIL, grandson, DH and I went to Universal and used that money to pay for the trip.

Like I said, we as Grandparents are suppose to enjoy our grandchildren when we can and return them when we are all tuckered out. If DIL wants time to herself, she pays for a babysitter. Both kids can go to Daycare. The one my DD was in allowed u to pick days. My second DD was in a co-op. She did mornings. I had to help 1 day a month.

Just because her expectations are you should see them more or give her a break, doesn't mean your obliged to except them. You raised your kids. You then got a life of your own. I am with ur husband your not the problem DIL is. And when she said she needs to schedule time with you he should have said "Yes u do because my wife is an active woman who enjoys working and has a busy life. Thats who she is and I love her for it. So, if you would like to see her, it will have to be when both of you can find time.

I am sure when I married my DH my MIL thought her and I would spend a lot of time together. She hinted all the time I should quit my job. But that was her expectation, not mine.

Thank you for the additional information.
First of all, anyone who didn’t trust me to take their kids in my car shouldn’t trust me to babysit. Are you considered an unsafe driver or do you need to get car seats for your car? I would object too if you didn’t have the necessary safety in your car.

Second, the fact that she keeps the house spotless and throws away their toys seems like she is wrapped a little tight. we all love a clean house but not at the expense of children being allowed to play.

Now I’m feeling sorry for the kids that their life is so restricted. Will they be allowed to go to school?

I think you have the right idea. Work for your retirement and keep fit.

While I know you would love to have a relationship with your sons family, it sounds like it will be difficult. I’m sorry.
I would be concerned for the grands and what their life will be like but I wouldn’t want my DIL to dictate my relationship with them. it appears to be a fine balance.
You will have to walk a fine line or she will have you slated for full time babysitter when you retire.
Your husband has her number. I hope things get easier for you and you are able to have a relationship with the grands that works for you and DH. And yes. She does need to ask kindly if you would watch the children. It isn’t your responsibility and you are taking care of what is your responsibility. Wishing you peace in your family.

I’m not sure how old OP is, but all this activity does sound a bit ‘try hard’ to me. OP could be running a bit too hard down the track of alienating herself from son, DIL and grandchildren. Plus a lonely old age when she’s not so fit.

I stopped cutting my hair for my dear DH2, who told me that he had always wanted a woman with long hair. Shrieks from all in sight! It’s saved me a bucket over the years. I can assure everyone that it wasn’t forced on me. If OP wants long hair again, she can always grow it. God's good like that!

‘I wish this family would quit trying to change me! I actually just cut my hair short because they didn't like it long. Makes me just want to leave....why can't the (sic) leave me alone?’

”They” didn’t like it long? Who is the “they” in “this family” that keeps trying to change you? Were you threatened if you didn’t cut it? Or did someone remark that some short style might be flattering.

Sounds like “Look what you made me do!”

I suspect there’s a lot more to this story, and many sides.

MJ1929, I’m curious what country you live in that grandparents have greater rights to determine visitation terms over parents. In Canada (where I live), parents determine the level of contact. Grandparents have the right to apply to the courts for access if they have been denied. Reasons for denying access must be presented and the court will determine what is in the children’s best interests.

I don't have grandchildren yet, but I came here to vent on the "not speaking to me" types. This is the most frustrating, childish response to everything, and you should sit your DIL down and explain that to her. (Well, realistically, her husband should do it, but maybe that's the dynamic in their marriage already.)

I married into a family that's big on the silent treatment, and the sheer stupidity of it is mind-boggling. My MIL and her sister didn't speak for 18 months because her sister thought my MIL should have broken up with her boyfriend when the sister broke up with hers. Mind you, this was an argument that happened about five years ago over an event that happened SIXTY years ago! So, so, dumb, but that's what this bunch does, and my husband learned it as well. None of the in-laws have pulled the silent stuff on me, thank goodness, because I don't see any of them frequently enough for them to get bent at me.

You have raised your children -- it's your son and DIL's turn to raise theirs. In this country, grandparents gets to decide the frequency of visits, and your DIL needs to learn that now. Obviously you love your grandchildren, but you also have a completely full life and intergenerational childrearing isn't in your plans. I think that once the in-laws from Germany are gone you and your husband need to sit down with your son and DIL and clear the air, but there is no need for you to back down on anything. I don't see that you've done anything wrong.

My guess is that DIL is lonely, and wishes you had more time for her. Children aged 2 and 4 are not likely to be in child care, she is not likely to be working, and she may not have many friends nearby.

You don’t have to change your life to solve her problems, but you could understand. Perhaps even make a bit of time for them. You say that the class with 10 hours of homework a week was a mistake (it sounds like my DH’s unfortunate attempt to do an on-line Uni course), so no need to try that experiment again. You might consider 3 gym sessions a week instead of 4.

DIL might like to teach you German cooking recipes? Could you talk to her about how her life is going? Try talking to your son about how she seems? If you are 75, your life may change in the next couple of years, and it would be a pity to be on bad terms.

Culturally I do not think of Germans having the close, exuberant relationship with many people as other cultures. (my Husband was of recent German descent and he was not overly "friendly" until he got to know a person and even then he was what some might call "stand offish" [until he had a few beers])
That might explain some of what your DIL is experiencing.
And if English is a second language that can compound problems.

Sorry to hear your d-i-l is being an a$$hole. Obviously she has a problem with you, Did you ask her (nicely) what it is? Maybe she has some expectation that you should be helping more with your grandchildren but from what you write, you are not retired, are very stretched for time and you have lots of outside interests. Maybe she is jealous because she can't go to a Zumba class, who knows.

I have four grandkids, and relocated to the Bay Area to live nearby. I'm originally from NYC. I helped out a lot with my grandkids through the years. My grandkids are my joy and I happily did anything if I was available. I then retired in 2021 and began to divide my time between Cali and NY when my parents needed more help. My daughter is very resentful because I am not around as much anymore and she makes me feel very guilty that I have chosen to do this. Very immature attitude, I know. I feel bad because it would be easier on me if she tried to be a bit more understanding. I would much rather be with my beautiful 8 and 6 year old granddaughters than here, believe you me. The older two are teenagers and they don't need grandma so much anymore. I bake them cookies :)

I really hope the two of you can work it out. You don't want to miss out on having good relationships with your grandbabies. Good luck.

I saw my 5 grandchildren a whole lot more when they were younger, though 4 of them lived 2 hours from me, I tried to go see them at least once a month while working full-time and caring for my husband.
I was the cool grandma who took them to all the fun places including ziplining and taking them to get their ears pierced and even their nose pierced(yes even my oldest grandson)pretending to be their "mom." They loved coming to spend time with me, because they knew they were guaranteed to have a great and fun time.
Of course as my late husband got worse, I had to wait for them to come see us, which they did as often as they could with their busy schedules.
However, other than when they were first born because I lived 2 hours a way I really didn't get to do much of the hands on care with them. I just got to have fun with them and spoil them with love.
My oldest grandchild/son will be 23 in June and he and his girlfriend are expecting a daughter in July which will now make me a great grandmother at the young age of 63. They are living in Florida and I will be going down next month for the baby shower and again after the baby is born.
My other 2 grandsons are both 20,(one's my daughters the other is my sons stepson.) Then I have 2 granddaughters who will be 19 and 17 in May and June.
Now that they're all pretty much grown with jobs, in school and such I don't get to see them as much as I'd like, but I certainly understand and try and just make the most of when I do get to see them.
And the really cool thing is that they all still like to hang with me,(that's because I'm a "funky grandma") which of course makes my heart very happy. My daughters 4 and I are pretty close, however my step grandson because he came into my life around the age of 10, we aren't as close. He knows that I love him and that's all that matters.
I find now that because I am in the process of rebuilding my life after my husbands death 2 1/2 years ago, that I stay pretty busy too, so the fact that I don't get to see my grandchildren as often as perhaps I once did,(because we're all busy)is all good because we all have our lives to live and I am just blessed to have them in my life.
They know that I am just a phone call away and that I will be there for them until the Good Lord takes me Home.

I have 5 grandchildren. 3 are from my oldest daughter and live in Houston. They are a 9 year old girl,a 7 year old girl and a baby boy who is 5 months. They were just here visiting me in SC. They will come again in the summer. Then I have 2 more in Park City,Utah. There is a 5 year old boy and a 2 1/2 year old girl. They are from our 2nd daughter. They visit in June. That daughter is turning 40 in July and she and her husband are going to Europe for 1 week around that birthday.

We will fly there and stay with those two. There will be their nanny for part of the day. We have generally visited them once a year.

We do our best to help out when around them. We do meals,bathtime,bedtime as well as take them to activities and stay with them when their parents go out. I also am frequently on my knees picking up everything on the floor that doesn't belong there.

I wish we could be closer but we really don't like these locations in terms of living there fulltime. Park City is great but we are sick of snow after decades living in NY. Houston is just so big and crowded.

They all enjoy coming to me as we are a short walk to the beach and ocean.

I posted earlier but would like to add a bit.

You said that your DIL is close to her family. This is what she is accustomed to. This is her perspective on what a family should be. You may not be as family oriented.

You live a different lifestyle. You’re busy. You like doing things that you enjoy in your spare time. Exercise, a Zumba class or whatever, isn’t a waste of time. It reduces stress and is an investment in our health.

Anyway, each of you has a different outlook on how much time should be spent with each other and this is neither good nor bad.

A problem arises if there are underlying issues for your DIL not speaking to you.

Would you feel comfortable discussing this with her? Just ask her if she has anything on her mind that perhaps she would like to discuss with you. You may be able to clear up any confusion or misunderstandings if they exist.

I am not saying that you or she is at fault for anything. No accusations from me. Just thinking that sometimes it is necessary to address the elephant in the room.

There may be a chance of resolution if you and your daughter in law would be willing to have a calm
and meaningful conversation.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

I think your DIL has certain expectations that ur not living up to. Not your problem.

Yes I have been there for my daughter as my Mom was for me. But, it should not be expected. My Mom and MIL raised their kids with no help from their mothers. No help from their MILs who had raised 8 of their own. My Mom helped because she didn't work and I did. I did not take advantage of that. I rarely asked her to babysit. My DH figured we chose to have kids, they went with us or we stayed home. My MIL would not babysit for us. She didn't even ask to have my daughter.

It really cracks me up the the newer generation of kids thinks they need breaks away from their kids. I never had a break or expected it. My kids went into a playpen (seems these are not used anymore) so I could clean or just sit for a few minutes. Breaks were maybe nap time. My DH worked nights so not there to help me run them here and there. If your not willing to put in 24/7, 365 days a yr, and 18 years into fully raising a child, then don't have them. Your parents raised their kids. Grandkids are for enjoying when u can and being able to give them back when u want.

The BIG question here is
Why is your DIL not talking to you?
Getting that answered might help in the responses you get.
What does your son say?
Apparently your DIL is talking to your husband. Have you asked your husband why she is not talking to you?
If you did anything to upset her real or imagined extend an olive branch, apologize and see if that clears the air.
Maybe scheduling "grandchild time" and or "family time" is something you might want to do. Just like you schedule other aspects of your week you need to make time for the members of your family. Just like a garden you might have to cultivate the relationships and tend them so they can grow and thrive. A little time you spend now may pay off.

Big hugs to you. I know it must feel awful to be judged for living your life.

Perhaps she has felt she had to make excuses for your absence with the grandchildren. Four and two year olds can be very persistent. Doesn’t justify her behavior to me.
It must be very stressful, even if a good stress, to have two young kids and six house guests.

When was the last time your son visited your father? I think it is a little much to expect you to be balancing four generations at a time and not miss a beat.

Perhaps she is jealous of you having a life and she is feeling a little constrained in her present role? To walk away more than once seems like a pretty clear message she is unhappy with you. No one likes to be shunned. And I’m sorry but yes, she shouldn’t just expect you to be available at any time unless it is an emergency. I hope your husband let her know how hard it’s been for you lately. Have you asked her to pick up any of your responsibilities? Has she brought dinner over or been encouraging to you about your class?

About your priorities, I think that is only for you to decide. I applaud you for exercising three times a week and getting away from a demanding job to do it. Ditto on the course you are taking.

MIL and DIL relationships can be tricky. Especially from different cultures. A good relationship with extended family can only make their marriage stronger and that’s a great gift to give grands. But it is a two way street.

To answer your question about how much time I spend with grands. Not as much as I would like. They are young adults now and busy with their own lives. We had some great times over the years but never lived close to one another and their parents were divorced. My son brought them often to see me when they were small and they attended family reunions in their teens. We have had some great times together,

I cut my hair one time, changed the color slightly and my youngest daughter said she wanted her mother back. I had to agree. I found it tiresome to think I would need to go to a salon on a regular basis. Don’t let them push you around.

I watched a documentary on PBS last night about the first women doctors. Amazing how women are still fighting the same battles about what we are allowed to do with our lives and how society judges us regardless. I think a strong woman in the family is a good role model for the grands and perhaps your DIL can appreciate your example more in the future than she does now. She may have second thoughts on all she gave up to move away from her parents and her country. But that isn’t on you.

It is up to you to decide how and what you do with your life.
What DIL said to schedule time with you is completely inappropriate.
And why would you cut your hair because they did not like it? It is not about haircut, obviously criticism and too much control over your life bothers you.
The point is what would you like to do?

You still did not explain why DIL does not speak to you. What does your son say?

As far as how much time one spends with grandchildren. When I was a kid we would visit with extended family at least once a month. My grandmother would come stay at our house for a week every summer then I could stay at her house for a week. She did not live close enough to be a babysitter to me. When I had children my parents were full time carers for the first year of my eldest's life. Just before my daughter was born my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She still wanted to babysit so my parents watched them two days a week. They continued that until the children were school aged and I moved far enough away that they could not be daily sitters.

I do not have grand children at this point. I would like to be involved with them on a weekly basis, possibly babysit 1-2 days a week to help out when I finally have some. But that also depends on where everyone is living.

I'm trying to figure out what is the real issue here. Does DIL expect you to babysit the kids? Ages 2 and 4 are exhausting for anyone. Does she think you should be spending time with the children instead of so much time managing your father? Instead of working out?

Does DIL work? Is she at home all day every day with the kids? Does she expect you to be giving her a break?

I'm not understanding the haircut issue at all. You cut your hair because she wanted you to do that?

I think the cultural differences are key. Some (not all by any means, I’m sure) Europeans are critical of American lifestyle, especially as related to devotion to career. DIL’s family obviously lead very different lives from yours. Does your DIL work outside the home? Maybe since you live so close she’d hoped you would be a source of respite care for the little ones.

Not that it matters to your situation, but in my case, I have two grandsons. One of them lives 2 hours away so we see him less often, we’re lucky if we see our son and grandson once a month. We really don’t provide “care” for him as our son comes to visit with him. Our daughter, on the other hand, lives across town from us, and we see them often. At least once a week and often more. When grandson was a baby we cared for him three days a week and then once a week when his parents decided to put him in daycare. He will be getting a baby sister soon and I believe our daughter is planning on restarting the once a week schedule again where we’ll take care of both of them. She does this, with our agreement of course, specifically to foster a close relationship between us ( SIL’s parents also have a day). Part time daycare isn’t really any cheaper than full time in our area. I have to mention that the grandparents are all retired.

I surely agree with you that a two year old is a handful!! We’re good and tired after a day with him but then the next day we miss him and relive the special moments of our day together.

You can’t live your life to please your DIL but in your place I’d try to stay close to my grandchildren. Those early years are really important.

I live in the same NYC borough as my 2 grandkids.

When I was still working, I used to come by daughter #1s apt early in the AM after dropping dh at work and sit with the baby while my daughter and her husband got ready for work. I did that until I changed jobs when he was about 18 months old. From there on in, I picked him up once a week after daycare and we had a play date until dinner. Once he started elementary school, I generally picked him up at home and transported him to Hebrew School once a week.

With my other grandchild, I have generally picked her up once a week after school, sometimes for transport to an activity and sometimes for a playdate and sleepover.

I don't care what other folks think about my hair and in turn, I have no opinions about the lifestyles of my childrens' in-laws unless their craziness directly impacts me or my child complains.

Why does it matter to you that they don't drive in Germany? Have you looked at EU gas prices lately? Having a good rail system is a blessing for the environment and convenient as well. Such a shame that we in the US don't invest in better transportation systems.

I have 2 grandson's 29 and 10. Both raised by DD 4 houses down. We saw a lot of the 29 yr old because DD is a Nurse and was single at the time. The 10 yr old we see seldom because DD is divorced and grandson is at Dads one week and and DD one week. My daughter was told long ago that we r always glad to babysit if we are not already doing something.

Please, stop trying to please "this family". You said your son is cordial and I think wife expects more than you can give at this point. No apologies, this is how things are for now. And yes, maybe you have to schedule time with your grands. Babs its what it is. You work, your time is not your own. Does DIL realize that even working from home you clock in and clock out. Its not you do your work when u feel like it. You can't say "think I will go visit the grands" and then come back later and continue on with ur work.. Your entitled to time to yourself. You raised your child/children. You no longer owe them your time.

I learned back when I was dating in my early 20s I was willing to change certain things for a guy I was dating. Making those changes did not keep him around. When I married for the second time I brought a child into the marriage. He knew what he was getting because I hid nothing. Take it or leave it. He took it. You are allowing "this family" to dictate who you should be. Be yourself. Why do you feel you have to please them. Her family is in a different
place in life than you are. Seems these people expect you to be something your not. So its...this is who I am except it or not ...is what your attitude should be. Your not the problem she is.

I have one SIL I get along with the other not so much. We were visiting the "not so much one" and the "get along one" said "just be your old sweet self. Don't worry what she thinks." Actually I haven't worried what she thought for years.

I love my grandchildren. When they were small, they lived 600 miles away, so when they'd come for a visit, usually once a year, I'd take care of them while their parents went off for a few days' vacation. Sometimes I'd visit them where they lived and spend time with them in their home while the parents went out alone. It was fun, but I didn't have day-to-day responsibilities. I wouldn't have liked being on call at all hours or picking them up at school. My feeling is that I worked very hard raising my family, and I don't want to raise theirs. Plus I was working myself and looking after my ailing parents.

In their middle-grade years, I lived closer. They visited for weekends along with their parents. Those were fun times. Now they're teenagers and busy with their own lives. My contribution is guidance, praise and listening, and I surprise them once in a while with a gift that fits in with their known interests. It arrives unannounced at their door and they love it.

I live further away from them at this time in my life than I ever expected to, and I wish I could see them more often. But it is what it is, and that's okay.

I have 3 grandkids. My hubs & I work from home and have many other commitments, including his Mom in a nearby facility, my 103-yr old Aunt in another state, and my own 93-yr old Mom who lives next to us.

No one goes to their death bed wishing they had spent more time working, going to Zumba or taking online classes. No, they mourn not spending more time with their family or regret not having better relationships with family.

An awesome relationship with your grandkids starts when they are young. They don't need a dog-and-pony show, the most benign things will be fond memories for them in the future. My own grandma, who barely spoke English and I only saw her for 2 weeks every summer: I have fond memories of her strong hugs and plentiful kisses, playing cards with her, watching her fan herself in the FL heat, sleep in the shade at the beach with her and getting $5 from her (that my mother would snatch away). Five bucks was a lot back then.

You are making assumptions that there will be a "later" for you. There may not be. My cousin got ALZ at 68 and now she barely remembers her grandkids.

There's no formula to being a Grandma, only priorities. Personally I'd rather not spend time with 2-yr olds, but that's just me. Eventually they'll be 12 and 22.

My 3 sons adore their Nonna (my Mom who lives next door) and she's a prickly old-school Italian American from the Bronx. She was never warm and fuzzy. My sons are now 24, 28 and 32 and they all remember her birthday, call her and visit her often, without me having to nag them to do it.

That being said, your DIL is passive-aggressive and immature. But you can't change that. Cutting your hair short means nothing in the end. Spend the time on your grandkids (if you really love them and want to be with them, or just to help give your son and DIL a break) and your relationship with DIL will likely improve as a bonus. It's a gift that they live so close to you. Count your blessings.

People tend to do what their parents did, with regards to grandchildren. In other words, how much time did your parents help out with your children?

Whatever the answer, as you well know you’re free to do as you wish.

I do know people who decided not to help their elderly parents - because the elderly parents didn’t help with the grandkids.

You’re free to do as you want. Only your conscience knows what’s right. But the fact that you post about it on this website, means you’re not so sure what to do.

It’s not about what everyone else does. So what? If a million people do “something”, does that popular “something” make it good?

It’s not automatically good/bad to be in the minority - doing something, most people aren’t doing (let’s say hypothetically 95% of grandparents - worldwide - spend much more time with their grandkids).

Different angle:
Some people stay as busy as possible, in order to avoid having to spend time with this or that person. One tends to go out of one’s way to spend time with people one wants to spend time with: people will overcome enormous obstacles just to spend 5 minutes with someone.

In any case, your conscience knows what to do. Follow what you feel is right. Follow your gut. That applies to all tough decisions.

Well, my grandkids are all grown with lives of their own. Out of college, busy with careers, as are my own kids. Half my own and my partner's grandkids live in our city, and half live out of state. Those who are out of state I see once or twice a year at most. But as I said, they are grown.

I think this is more a DIL question than a grandkids one. You have the busy happy life you have chosen. Your DIL sounds to be an unhappy woman, and I seriously doubt that this has much to do with you, since you two don't even see one another. I hope she has others in her life she enjoys and you most CERTAINLY have a busy life.

Our kids grow up and move on with their lives. So do our grandkids. We as well should build meaningful (for us) lives, and get on with living. Sounds as though you are doing just that. Your schedule would be overwhelming for me, but it is your choice, not mine. To me it sounds as though you are doing well.

As far as scheduling time? Sure. Absolutely. Why not. Who expects to drop in on ANYONE and have them always available. Sounds kind of silly to me.

Babs75, I remember when I bought my house, it was in the same subdivision as my parents. It later turned out to be too close for comfort. My home office overlooked the cul-de-sac, and sure enough it felt like daily I would see my parents car slowly driving by my house. Guess they wanted to make sure the house was still standing.

Some families have an open door policy where one can just pop in at any time.... other families prefer to be telephoned first before coming over to know if it is good time or not. I always called my parents first before I went over, and vise versa.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with 'scheduling" to see the grand-kids. Maybe the kids get too hyped up after a visit and it makes it difficult for their Mom to settle them down.

"This family" would quit trying to change you? Who do you include in the set of "this family"?

I cannot imagine any circumstances in which I would cut (or grow) my hair according to somebody else's preferences. My SIL once asked me if I planned to start colouring it, which I thought rather personal of her, but even then a simple no sufficed to end the conversation.

Anyhooo, not really the issue, is it.

I don't see anything that suggests your DIL is angry with and not speaking to you because she believes you ought to spend more of your time with your grandchildren. To me it looks as though she can't trust herself to be civil to you so she keeps out of your way. Either there is something that's happened that has seriously pissed her off, or it's one of those unfortunate personality mismatches which is nobody's fault. Why does your husband feel it's all down to her? - and did he mean anything by that, or is he just being nice?

My son is cordial. We get along OK. My DIL is from Germany. Their family is very close. They think nothing of traveling and staying in each country for a month at a time. The have 6 relatives staying here at their house this month. A total of 10 people in 1600 Sq feet. Her mother does not work or drive. They take the train everywhere over there. Our family is different. I never once remember my mom or dad ever babysitting our kids. They saw them on holidays. We never thought anything of it. I am far more involved in my grandkids lives than my parents ever were but again, my husband and I never expected it from my parents. My DILs mom and I are different but we get along really well, even with the language barrier.

I don’t have any grandkids. I have a granddog and grandkitties. Does that count? 😊 Your grandchildren are 2 and 4, precious ages but you’re right, exhausting!

You’re a busy woman. I’m sure that your DIL realizes this. Apparently, she would appreciate you being more active in your grandchildren’s lives.

I think that you are the only one that can decide how to feel about this situation. We don’t know anything about your family dynamics. Nor is it any of our business. I’m not prying for info. We don’t know your DIL or the rest of your family.

One thing for sure is that you have your husband’s support. He says that it isn’t your fault.

Why would you cut your hair short if you didn’t want to? The same thing applies if a person has long hair and her husband or family member doesn’t want her to cut it.

A hairstyle is not a life or death situation. It shouldn’t matter all that much to other people. Oh my gosh, that would be the very least of my concerns.

I wouldn’t dream of telling someone to cut or not cut their hair and if someone told me what to do with my hair I think that I would laugh about it because it is so ridiculous.

I hope that your family will achieve a more harmonious relationship soon. All families have conflicts with each other at some point in time. Anyone who claims to have a perfect family is embellishing their family story.

Your husband is right. Something is not quite right with your DIL. Where is your son, the father of your grandkids in all this?