Dad unexpectedly died in June 2022. Mom fell ill soon after. Docs recommending hospice. Should I move her out of state to be near me?

Please check Dates before posting. This post is 3 months old. Last time OP responded was the day she posted her question.

Dump the guilt. No reason to feel guilty about finding a great place for mom where professionals can care for her for the rest of her life! It isn't wrong to want your life back. As far as I know, when you were born, the umbilical cord was cut and you can be anywhere you want to be except for GUILT - which is self-imposed.

Hospice is a boon and a blessing. The question about where it should be isn't such a big one. You seem to be a good thinker - you've managed great so far - so what is the big deal? Go with your best instincts. Do what doctors suggest. Get the best help you can in transporting her around the corner or near you or the closest planet. And don't second guess yourself because that gets you nowhere.

One thing you need to know about hospice at home is that they don't provide the bulk of the caring. That's still up to you. And that is why I'd choose the freestanding hospice if it were me.

I sympathize with your lack of support system, but please understand that even people who have a support system feel lonely in making decisions. Also, support systems aren't always what they're cracked up to be. These loving helpful family members and friends are sometimes no help at all. In fact, they can gum up the works in ways you've never thought of. I had Rude Aunt. Among other things, she insisted that if I'd feed dad mashed potatoes, it would cure his cancer because her friend got well that way. Dad hated mashed potatoes and wouldn't eat them. Dealing with her was a more than miserable aspect of helping my dad die.

Please come back and let us know how you and mom are doing.

I moved 700 mi.es away. While my mom was still physically able to take a 2 hour direct flight while wearing incontinence products and a pad for the seat, I successfully moved her for her last 14 months of life. Having her nearby really reduced my stress level. Visiting her was only a 10 minute drive compared to an hour when we both lived in different states. I only visited her once a week until COVID changed things. At that point she did not miss me since she interacted with staff and her short memory. The move was well worth it and switching medical teams, insurance plans, and purchasing a new bed was not difficult. With hospice, at least the bed is provided.
If she is crossing state lines and she is on Medicare advantage, she will need to be re enrolled in a new plan. This is not a problem with regular Medicare. The extra costs on the patient will be the transportation and 90 minutes is feasable

I moved my mom out of state to be near me and for the three weeks that she thrived at my home it was the right decision for her I believe. what I didn’t realize is that hospice can’t be there allot and I didn’t understand about the meds they used or what exactly happened at the last hours. That turned out to be traumatizing for me, leaving me feeling that I failed her.

if you understand fully the details and trust the hospice facility then having her near you would be very nice. It cost me almost 6,000 to relocate her but she was well cared for by me (that part went extremely well thankfully) and felt safe.

Hope65,

Just wondering if there's a freestanding hospice center near your parents' home, somewhere Mom could be transferred to with minimal risk/distress. She'd be in safe hands which will free you to prep the house for sale (to HUD or an individual) or generate passive income by renting it out (maybe use a property management company?). And perhaps you could take a short-term lease nearby or a night or two at a nice hotel to escape the downer effect of being in your parents' house.

If the doctors are encouraging hospice, they feel Mom's reaching her conclusion. So you're not going to be away from your home for an extended period of time. Don't wait to go back home for support; join an in-person support group where you are for hugs, commiseration, and practical advice on settling your parents' affairs and moving on to the next chapter of your life.

And there's always us for the same. : )

My mom died in an ‘end of life’ hospice care home. She was treated very well by her nurses and aides.

If your mother is well enough to make the trip, I would say that this is the best thing for everyone.

Have you spoken with her doctor or nurse about it??

Again, how, PHYSICALLY and LOGISTICALLY will you make this move with an elderly, ill and fragile woman? How far is this facility from where she is now?

If the answer to this question is that you have made solid arrangements that this can be done, I cannot imagine why you would hesitate.

I cannot, however, imagine that this can be done over any distance at all safely with a woman in your Mom's condition. In that case the answer would have to be no.

Will the freestanding hospice be prepared to admit your mother?

How would your mother tolerate this trip? How would you physically manage to get her moved in her current condition.

I would suggest this is the best move; I simply cannot imagine how you could do it logistically and realistically.

Can you? How far would this move be from where your mother currently resides?