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Mindo90403 Asked April 2023

My friend passed away, he was his mother's POA. He has two sisters whom haven't been in the picture for 20 yrs, how can I get rights before them?

His sisters haven't been around in 20 years didn't even invite their mother to their wedding also mom had covid last year thought she was dying and they still didn't show up they were both not put on the will and haven't picked up his body(it's been a month) he had arrangements made and he also had just gotten a car accident settlement from his mother and him I have heard bad story's of his greedy sisters and when I went to bring mom a plant and morn with her they would not let her speak with me I don't want any money I just want to take care of her and make sure his sisters don't put her In a home it's already bad enough they are dogging him out instead of letting her morn ect... I am trying to fight for rights above these vultures but I am not blood family but I have over 30 witnesses to confirm the sisters were not around and that they did horrible things to the mother and even the mother saying she didn't want anything to do with them also the mother has alzhimers its not so bad yet last I knew

Beatty Apr 2023
If the lady cannot look after herself independantly, she will require a new POA or Guardian to arrange her financial & personal living arrangements.

If she is not able to understand this to nominate a POA, a court appointed Guardian may be necessary.

This will be chosen for in her best interest.

So if it comes to a friend of her son's vs estranged daughters, it will depend on evidence to show who will be more likely to perform the role & act in her best interest. If no clear winner, a non involved legal agent (or the state) may be chosen instead.

Best of luck advocating for just treatment & good care for this lady.

MJ1929 Apr 2023
Family will win out every time, especially over the friend of a person's son. It's really not your place to interfere with their family's business.

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JoAnn29 Apr 2023
I am assuming you were close to your friends Mom. I see where u want to protect her but this is a big responsibility to undertake. Its hard enough for family to make decisions concerning a LOs care and this woman is not ur family. You have no POA or guardianship. Right now she is in limbo. You can't talk to her doctors or make decisions for her. Think you need to see a lawyer. Maybe you can get guardianship, it is expensive. Are you willing to give up your life for this person. She needs 24/7 care. Quiting your job that will effect ur Social Security earnings? If 67 is the age u need to be for 100% benefits, SS only goes back 35 years for earnings. So that means 32 yrs old. If in that 35 yrs you don't work 10 of them, your SS earnings are only figured on 25 yrs. Caring for someone with Dementia is not easy. For one is very unpredictable. Are you willing to toilet her. Bathe her. Dress her.

And your friend. Not sure if family has to pick up the body. If his funeral was prearranged all someone has to do is follow thru. Really, if he prearranged, did he also not specify someone to carry out his wishes. Funeral homes charge for storage after a certain time.

lealonnie1 Apr 2023
Family takes precedence over well meaning friends with preconceived notions about "homes" and what's truly best for an elder they see occasionally. There's always 3 sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. And the truth is not something everyone is privy to.

If and when your help is needed, I'm sure you'll be notified. In the meantime, know that Alzheimer's is a very serious condition whether "it's not so bad yet last I knew." The reality of AD is quite different than it may appear to those who don't care for people suffering with it. #Truth

Fawnby Apr 2023
Visit some "homes." You might find that they're truly homes more than you think.

So do you think you'd like to care for your friend's mom? Please read the many posts on this site that will warn you of what you'd be taking on. She has Alzheimer's. There's no "good" Alzheimer's, and it can go downhill really fast. Loss of bladder and bowel control, unable to speak, drive, walk, put toothpaste on the toothbrush. Screaming and yelling at the caregiver. Falling down a lot and breaking bones. Can'r get them to bathe so they smell. So does your house - urine and poop. ER and hospital visits often.

And never ever quit a paying job to be a caregiver, if that's where you're headed!

You can ask the mom to give you POA, but you both need to have full understanding of the situation you'd be getting into. In mom's case, that may not be possible. As for these 30 witnesses, what do you plan to do with them? Start a court case seeking custody? You'll need lots of money for that.

There may be perfectly good reasons why the sisters haven't wanted anything to do with the mom. And as for visiting someone with Covid, no one should be doing that unless wearing the proper gear. It's highly contagious and still killing people.

AlvaDeer Apr 2023
I agree with grandma. If the mother is not suffering from dementia, and is competent to appoint you as her POA or guardian then the two of you should see an elder law attorney at ONCE. I would suggest then that you act as conservator and guardian, not as POA.

If on the other hand you were not related to her dead son by either marriage of blood, you will likely not win out over any family that wishes to intervene.
The sisters may simply say that they were unable to get along with their brother and that's why they were not around either the brother or the mother.
If the sisters go to court they will almost certainly win if your friend's mother cannot say she wishes to be with you. And a court case is likely to run to the 10s of thousands.

Do know what you are taking on if you wish to act as conservator or guardian of someone. You are responsible under the law for every single penny into and out of their accounts, and the money, what is left of it, will go to the siblings if there is no Trust or Will made by a competent principal. Moreover you will be responsible for care and placement and can be drawn into court in an action by either/both sisters FOREVER. Much like a custody battle where they report you weekly for simply batting your eyelashes.

I understand your intentions are good. But.....................and with the "but" everything that comes before is cancelled.

Grandma1954 Apr 2023
If she is cognizant she can make you POA.
If she is not cognizant then you need to talk with an Elder Care Attorney and begin the possibly lengthy process (and sometimes expensive) process of becoming her Guardian.
If her relatives do not want to be her Guardian then the process should go smoothly but if they do I can tell you now the judge will grant Guardianship to a relative unless you can show that it is not in your friends best interest.

freqflyer Apr 2023
Mindo90403, welcome to the forum. So sorry about the passing of your friend.

Only your friend's mother can assign a new Power of Attorney, unless there was a secondary POA already listed. Do your have a copy of that POA?

A lot depends on your friend's Mom Alzheimer's. She would need to be able to understand the new legal document. Best to speak with an Elder Law Attorney, as there might be other legal documents where your friend was listed, such as a Will.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with placing a love one into a "home". My Mom was in a nursing home and she had wonderful care. My Dad was in Memory Care, also had wonderful care. There comes a time where it takes a village of professional caregivers to help one person.

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