Where do we go from here?

Your profile says your parents are in a rehab facility. Discuss the situation with the social worker there and let this person know there is not a safe environment at home for them to be released. If needed call Adult Protective Services and report the situation. Your mother likely needs meds to help calm her behavior as your father needs to live in peace

I have to ask how someone can self-diagnose cancer? Without an actual medical diagnosis how can they be given appropriate palliative care?

If no one is their PoA then the only means to get them into a nursing home is through guardianship. Either the family pursues it or the county will acquire it. Once this happens the guardian can legally get them into a facility. But a family guardian will have to be able to pay for the guardianship in court (which is a significant amount) AND have access to the parents' funds to pay for the NH.

In most states' Medicaid programs only LTC is covered. If your Mom needs MC, this is probably not covered so, does she have the means to pay for it? Your father sounds like he would qualify for LTC if he truly has cancer or some other profound health issue that is not treatable.

I would start by calling social services for their county, whether or not someone is their PoA.

Hi boneznbelle - you said your father is bedridden, so when their fights become violent, do you mean that your mother physically abuses your father?

If so, he really needs to be protected from his wife. Your sister could call his doctor and explain to the doc what was going on and ask the doc to write an order to have your dad move to a nursing home, asap.

You said your dad would not eat. He would not eat at all or just sometimes? How long has it been?