My husband wants to travel. He wants to go to various places in Europe and he can barely walk a mile on a paved street. Not to mention flying. Any advice?
I think it is doable, of course, depends on extend of your husband’s condition. There is many tours for people with mobility issues, or even for people with wheelchairs. Cruises are good options as well, only went on one but, there were many people with wheelchairs. Parkinson alone is not deadly disease and as such insurance is easy to obtain. We paid less than many people with multiple conditions. I and my husband since he was diagnosed in 2015 took probably 20 trips. Last one was this year Jan- Feb, we traveled to Mexico to the same condo, we spent several winters there and know many people. Socializing, fresh air, warm weather is good, although I would like more adventurous traveling. Airport is a breeze as IATA has a rule that every person with mobility requiring help must get assistance. So 2 minutes thru crew gate and they helped him to the plane. Granted, few last times we splurged on business class with pods. Going to washroom, he can walk with help, lucky for me there were two flights attendants for 16 people and extremely helpful. There is lots of planning involved, my husband is excellent traveller, no dementia, no incontinence, so it really depends on many factors. My experience traveling with person with Parkinson’s has been very positive. As per his neurologist and his doctor who encourage independence and do as much as possible for as long as possible, I would agree how important and uplifting it is to travel. Of course, other issues not related to Parkinson’s could determine future plans. I am not sure if still possible but planning summer trip.
And I want to sell everything I own, pack my life up in one suitcase and one carry on, and go live all over Europe in different cities for a month at a time. My spices would be packed in Tic tac boxes secured by a rubber band. The laptop would help me find the furnished apartments, and voila, let retirement begin! I did a lot of research. It could be done.
Except for one thing:
When the reality of the situation set in like a balloon bursting. Dh has had one health crisis after another,since 2019, and now I'm bound to cancer treatments here at home. Retirement was not all it was cracked up to be, for us, and neither is schlepping to Europe for a "relaxing" vacation with an Elder who has more issues than Newsweek. A person has to be in very good physical form to make a trip to Europe NOT turn into a living nightmare.
Im glad we traveled from 2009-2019 bc there's no way we'd be able to do it now. One medical issue happening in Europe could be a disaster and not even covered by insurance!
Let common sense prevail. Use the sword No with dh, practice rolling it off your tongue a bunch of times, and settle for a Holiday Inn 10 miles away as a trial run. After you settle in, drive to the airport to practice hauling yourselves to the gate, just for a reality check. Have a drink at the airport bar, you'll need one.
Remind the man of your own human limitations and how you'd need to hire a nurse to travel with you, should this plan be viable. Then YOU stay home for some REAL R&R and let the nurse direct him around Europe!
There are honestly way too many challenges here to travel together, so your husband's goals aren't realistic. I am certain you realize that. Short trips if you have family who can help you may be possible, but certainly not long ones like Europe. Tourism is very high there now; it is horribly crowded. I can't imagine it for anyone with any problems.
I think it best to do things that CAN be managed. Dependent on where you live, who is available to help, this may be a challenge in itself.
What we want and what is possible in our lives don't match often enough. So this isn't all that unusual. Tell him you wish you both had this opportunity at this time, as well, but that it isn't pos -sible. Watch travel programs that you both enjoy.
There's really no way to make this OK. It is "what it is" as the kids say today. I am so very sorry. You didn't create the problems and you can't fix them. I surely do wish you the best.
U mention your husband is incontinent. Reason why I would not take him on a vacation. Plane flights have been canceled, hours sitting around an airport trying to get another flight. I went thru this last Summer with my DH. We r 73 and 76 and won't be doing it again.
If you can't reason with him, then there is probably some Dementia. You need to be honest and tell him it can't happen in his condition. Or, do like said, find books, maybe Cds to look at together like your planning.
Are you looking for travel ideas, or for diverting him from the subject ideas, or just having a good ol' vent?
Travelling with disability needs is certainly expensive, but it's not necessarily that much more difficult. You want to travel, he wants to travel (if he really does), it can be done. Can you spare the money to throw at it?
If he can walk a mile on a paved street, there are lots of cruise excursions that would be able to be done by folks a LOT less mobile than he. We see loads of folks in wheelchairs on our cruise trips.
What your husband wants and what your husband needs are different things.
Wanting to travel is a wish. No matter how long married & committed, or how big his wish is - it is still a wish. It is not something you are responsible to make happen.
(My Mother acts as if her every wish & whim are my Father's obligation to make happen. Just not true).
To turn his wish into an action plan will involve much time, stress & money. His care needs may require a fulltime privately paid aide to travel with you, push a wheelchair etc. Or for him to travel with a specialised supported holiday company. (Not impossible, but very costly).
Have an honest chat to him about it.
What's his reaction? Can he acknowlege what his health needs are? Understand & accept what your limits are?
Unfortunatly as PD progresses, some people are effected cognitively (but not all I believe). They can have reduced insight & problem solving.
Is he grieving the loss of travel? Would enjoy reminiscencing over old photos? Or maybe scale right down... take some day trips somewhere nice that you both enjoy instead.
This is a different suggestion, if you feel that you must go somewhere and you have the finances to do it. Pick a couple of places on the list, and check the workability of just those two. You want direct flights, a central hotel, and the most important tourist places fairly close together (and close to the hotel). Think about the weather – not too hot summer days, and not short winter days. Talk to DH about those places, and which he would prefer. Then talk the preferred one up with lots of library books, videos, even the new 3D options if you can find them. Focus on just that one location. A local aide might even be workable if they won't have to travel around.
Say that’s where you are going first, and it will be a trial run for all the others. Do it, and come home. If it all sounds really shaky, stretch out the planning long enough for it all to fall over.
Plan the ‘next trip’ for in a year or two. “We’ve learned a lot about how to organise it better, after our last trip”. Talk at length, and once again take your time over the planning. The chances are that the second trip will never happen, but you can still enjoy the planning. If it does happen, all you have wasted is a second air trip cost.
If you can’t just say “no”, make it as simple as you can, and I think this is how I would try to do it. Planning trips from Australia (where I am) to almost anywhere is really hard work, so there is a bit of experience behind this. Yours, Margaret
Well he would be upset with a helper but i need help. Its not a vacation for me cause i can’t sleep- he needs assistance it breaks my heart. His mnd is still good but i csn sense he’s getting dementia. Not realistic and flying is only possible in business becsuse hes a big guy
I know that it breaks your heart. I know that it is exhausting for you. It’s incredibly difficult to see someone that we love suffering.
I can tell you from my experience that I missed the early signs of dementia with my mom. I thought that she was being contrary. She wasn’t. She was confused. Once we figure out what is going on, we are able to have a new perspective of the situation.
Watch out for dementia symptoms carefully. See the neurologist regularly and tell him of any changes in his behavior that you have noticed.
There are meds that can be prescribed to help with his symptoms.
What do you want to do? Do you have any outside help at this time? Have you considered placing him in an assisted living facility at some point?
You must take care of yourself too. I know how tiring this is. My mom lived in our home for 14 years with Parkinson’s disease. It’s exhausting!
I feel your pain. It’s very difficult to travel with someone who has Parkinson’s disease.
My mom had Parkinson’s disease and occasionally we would have to evacuate with her due to hurricanes. Mobility issues are challenging for someone who has Parkinson’s disease.
I think I would have to be completely honest with your husband and say to him that you empathize with him but it is no longer practical to take extended vacations.
You say in your profile that you miss traveling. Is it possible for you to travel without him and find someone to stay with him or place him in an assisted living facility that offers respite care?
Is your husband able to take a shorter trip, perhaps a long weekend visit somewhere close by? Would you be interested in hiring a travel companion for him so he could have assistance and you could relax and enjoy the time away?
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There is many tours for people with mobility issues, or even for people with wheelchairs.
Cruises are good options as well, only went on one but, there were many people with wheelchairs.
Parkinson alone is not deadly disease and as such insurance is easy to obtain. We paid less than many people with multiple conditions.
I and my husband since he was diagnosed in 2015 took probably 20 trips.
Last one was this year Jan- Feb, we traveled to Mexico to the same condo, we spent several winters there and know many people. Socializing, fresh air, warm weather is good, although I would like more adventurous traveling.
Airport is a breeze as IATA has a rule that every person with mobility requiring help must get assistance.
So 2 minutes thru crew gate and they helped him to the plane. Granted, few last times we splurged on business class with pods. Going to washroom, he can walk with help, lucky for me there were two flights attendants for 16 people and extremely helpful.
There is lots of planning involved, my husband is excellent traveller, no dementia, no incontinence, so it really depends on many factors.
My experience traveling with person with Parkinson’s has been very positive. As per his neurologist and his doctor who encourage independence and do as much as possible for as long as possible, I would agree how important and uplifting it is to travel.
Of course, other issues not related to Parkinson’s could determine future plans. I am not sure if still possible but planning summer trip.
Except for one thing:
When the reality of the situation set in like a balloon bursting. Dh has had one health crisis after another,since 2019, and now I'm bound to cancer treatments here at home. Retirement was not all it was cracked up to be, for us, and neither is schlepping to Europe for a "relaxing" vacation with an Elder who has more issues than Newsweek. A person has to be in very good physical form to make a trip to Europe NOT turn into a living nightmare.
Im glad we traveled from 2009-2019 bc there's no way we'd be able to do it now. One medical issue happening in Europe could be a disaster and not even covered by insurance!
Let common sense prevail. Use the sword No with dh, practice rolling it off your tongue a bunch of times, and settle for a Holiday Inn 10 miles away as a trial run. After you settle in, drive to the airport to practice hauling yourselves to the gate, just for a reality check. Have a drink at the airport bar, you'll need one.
Remind the man of your own human limitations and how you'd need to hire a nurse to travel with you, should this plan be viable. Then YOU stay home for some REAL R&R and let the nurse direct him around Europe!
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I think it best to do things that CAN be managed. Dependent on where you live, who is available to help, this may be a challenge in itself.
What we want and what is possible in our lives don't match often enough. So this isn't all that unusual. Tell him you wish you both had this opportunity at this time, as well, but that it isn't pos -sible. Watch travel programs that you both enjoy.
There's really no way to make this OK. It is "what it is" as the kids say today. I am so very sorry. You didn't create the problems and you can't fix them. I surely do wish you the best.
If you can't reason with him, then there is probably some Dementia. You need to be honest and tell him it can't happen in his condition. Or, do like said, find books, maybe Cds to look at together like your planning.
Travelling with disability needs is certainly expensive, but it's not necessarily that much more difficult. You want to travel, he wants to travel (if he really does), it can be done. Can you spare the money to throw at it?
If he can walk a mile on a paved street, there are lots of cruise excursions that would be able to be done by folks a LOT less mobile than he. We see loads of folks in wheelchairs on our cruise trips.
Wanting to travel is a wish. No matter how long married & committed, or how big his wish is - it is still a wish. It is not something you are responsible to make happen.
(My Mother acts as if her every wish & whim are my Father's obligation to make happen. Just not true).
To turn his wish into an action plan will involve much time, stress & money. His care needs may require a fulltime privately paid aide to travel with you, push a wheelchair etc. Or for him to travel with a specialised supported holiday company. (Not impossible, but very costly).
Have an honest chat to him about it.
What's his reaction? Can he acknowlege what his health needs are? Understand & accept what your limits are?
Unfortunatly as PD progresses, some people are effected cognitively (but not all I believe). They can have reduced insight & problem solving.
Is he grieving the loss of travel? Would enjoy reminiscencing over old photos? Or maybe scale right down... take some day trips somewhere nice that you both enjoy instead.
Say that’s where you are going first, and it will be a trial run for all the others. Do it, and come home. If it all sounds really shaky, stretch out the planning long enough for it all to fall over.
Plan the ‘next trip’ for in a year or two. “We’ve learned a lot about how to organise it better, after our last trip”. Talk at length, and once again take your time over the planning. The chances are that the second trip will never happen, but you can still enjoy the planning. If it does happen, all you have wasted is a second air trip cost.
If you can’t just say “no”, make it as simple as you can, and I think this is how I would try to do it. Planning trips from Australia (where I am) to almost anywhere is really hard work, so there is a bit of experience behind this. Yours, Margaret
I can tell you from my experience that I missed the early signs of dementia with my mom. I thought that she was being contrary. She wasn’t. She was confused. Once we figure out what is going on, we are able to have a new perspective of the situation.
Watch out for dementia symptoms carefully. See the neurologist regularly and tell him of any changes in his behavior that you have noticed.
There are meds that can be prescribed to help with his symptoms.
What do you want to do? Do you have any outside help at this time? Have you considered placing him in an assisted living facility at some point?
You must take care of yourself too. I know how tiring this is. My mom lived in our home for 14 years with Parkinson’s disease. It’s exhausting!
My mom had Parkinson’s disease and occasionally we would have to evacuate with her due to hurricanes. Mobility issues are challenging for someone who has Parkinson’s disease.
I think I would have to be completely honest with your husband and say to him that you empathize with him but it is no longer practical to take extended vacations.
You say in your profile that you miss traveling. Is it possible for you to travel without him and find someone to stay with him or place him in an assisted living facility that offers respite care?
Is your husband able to take a shorter trip, perhaps a long weekend visit somewhere close by? Would you be interested in hiring a travel companion for him so he could have assistance and you could relax and enjoy the time away?