How much should my grandfather pay me for live-in care? What factors should I consider to determine a fair wage?

In 2011, I paid $275 per day for a 24/7 live-in caregiver for my dad in a situation such as you describe. Relief caregivers at an hourly rate were also necessary because one person cannot do it all. The rate has surely gone up.

I admire you for wanting to help, but I sense that you have no idea what you are getting into. You will probably have to do all the shopping, cooking and other household chores. Family help will likely fall by the wayside as they figure out how much work it is.

Also, its a huge red flag that one of his children will be managing the funds and not you. This paves the way for that person to opt out of paying relief caregivers or for other things that you and grandpa will need. Don't expect the finance person to understand what the caregiver needs. It rarely happens.

So now that I've told you how much I was paying many years ago, I'll mention Rude Aunt, who insisted that all dad needed was a $15 an hour sitter a few hours a day. She refused to believe he was as sick as he was and said I was wasting his money (though he didn't think so). I no longer speak to her. Your situation could implode like this at some point even though you can't imagine such a thing.

If you are the caregiver, expect more and more responsibility to be placed on you as grandpa's health continues to decline. You and the family may be expecting the impossible. In that case, how will you escape? Have an exit plan.

Better yet, run now.

As for the only way for him to go home is for you to move in with him, it may not be the best thing for him to be at home anymore. What grandpa wants is now not necessarily what grandpa gets. He's the sick one and may have to change his plans rather than everyone else changing theirs to support his unworkable wishes.

I'm sorry this is so negative, but read some of the other posts on this board. Your situation isn't unique, and you can learn from what others have been through.

Good luck!

My parents have moved in with me. I am having to take care of meds, finances, fixing their electronics they constantly mess up, plus give them interaction. My sister told my folks to pay me $2000 a month. If we were to hire someone to do everything, it would cost over $4000. I not doing this for the money, but I do feel it has become a full time job.
A word of caution, paying me has become an issue for my father and has added to the stress of the situation. He has become more resentful and feels like I should be doing everything for free.
Your not doing this to make money off your grandfather, but your also not slave labor. Find out how much local 24 hour care cost and then go from there. My area charges $30 an hour for over night care.
Hopefully they will appreciate your help.

Help a relative after hospitalisation? Sure.

Be there for 2-3 days to one week for round the clock support. Ok.

That is where my GIFT would end. Longer than that would be mean leaving other commitments in my life, my job & own family. Burden would be too high. LO would need to find another solution.

If an ongoing situation, with no definite timeline. No.

You are young, maybe without obligations for children but what about work or study?

Step in as a GIFT or a JOB?
I agree with the others - work this out first.

🚩 Aunts & Uncles may see you as free labour as "family helps family" right?

Unless someone is very independently wealthy, it is unlikely that what a full time 24/7 worker is WORTH could be actually AFFORDED for any time at all.

So one factor is grandfather's financial assets.
Second would be his willingness or his competency to attend an elder care attorney with you to draw up a contract agreement for payment.

Do consider things regarding also your qualifications and training to render this full 24/7 care competently. You will take into consideration likely board and care if grandfather is to live with you, or what you are SAVING if you are to live with him.

There are many factors to take into consideration regarding the facts that we sometimes see family members give up their freedom, their lives, their own homes and families and friends to take on elder care. They often end without good compensation, no savings, no job history, no home. We have seen them near the end of their own sanity and looking at shelter care for themselves.

So there is a whole lot to take into consideration. I don't know if you will also be POA for financial, but this would be a Fiduciary duty and you would be responsible for answering for every penny into and every penny out of your grandfather's funds.

My advice would be to sit for an hour with an elder care attorney. Grandfather can pay for this. And get the skivvy on all your options and all the things for you to take into consideration.

Wishing you good luck. This is a lot to try to take on.

do
not
do
this

I am a grand-daughter, and I rode solo with my grandfather for a year and that’s only BECAUSE I am POA. I would never, ever put my fate in a family members hand regarding financial control of the environment I am living and working in. That is for the birds.

know that if this is the only way he can be home, you’re in for it, and miracles can happen (my grandfather walked pretty decently after temporarily bedbound and got off a catheter that the urologist thought he would never), but often only for a short time. He’s now bedbound, incontinent, very late middle stage dementia, and has basal cell cancer growing on his hand (it’s slow growing and we’re not putting him through any invasive procedures). He is on early home hospice.

last May I started sharing duties with his son, and I had to be vigilant about “training” another person who (not to be mean) wasn’t as obsessive about learning every single thing about his conditions. So now I do 9 days a month, but less the last two because I broke my tibia in my leg and can’t bear full weight to change my pops brief. But make sure, before you do this, that you are ready to compromise the memories you have of him by adding new ones that include wiping feces off his testicles potentially. At this point I don’t mind and my patience is very there and I feel very compassionate and tender, but the reality is that’s because he’s on hospice. This time last year I was so burned out I was randomly crying and then getting short with him over stupid things like throwing beans or tripping when I told him not to enter a room. And I LOVE this dude like my dad, he’s my most cherished and favorite family member and it’s still hard. I lost career opportunities, a social life that I’m still rebuilding, and my relationship of 7 years. Don’t do it.

Knowing what I do now, I would not do it. We have a number of grandchildren on this forum caring for a grandparent with no life. Family members feel they are getting room and board for free so caring offsets that. These young people are inexperienced and get no help. Do you have the strength to help gramps from a wheelchair to a bed? If he becomes incontinent, are you willing to change his Depends and wipe him. And add in, he is not comfortable with you being there.

I do commend you on wanting to be paid. Check with ur Labor Board on the criteria for Live-ins. The rules are pretty much as any employee, u work 40 hrs a week with OT. Your room and board are part of your employment. (Burntcargiver has a good explanation for this) You should get paid at least minimum wage. (Again, Burnt can explain that) You get days off. When ur not working, someone needs to be there for gramps or a CNA hired. Please, families have taken advantage of the ones taking on the Caring. I would not do it without having the POA.

What I am describing is not cheap. He may be better off in an Assisted living.

Right now, this is what you have done, what you have agreed with Grandpa and the other family relatives. You would like to get the terms straight from the beginning, but in fact you don’t know how it will travel.

I’d suggest that you make a guess, and also agree a time line, perhaps three months. At the end of that, you will be in a better position to know how much work is involved, how much you miss ‘your real life’, and how this will impact on your plans for the future. You can check out the other options, and the other costs. Revisit the whole arrangement when you understand it better. You don’t need to walk out now, just get your ducks in a line when you know what it really means for you, Grandpa and the rest of the family.

You didn’t say how old is grandad and you?
Assuming you are fairly young and should be working at job of your choice, are you sure caregiving is right for you?
Deciding factor, grandad is not well to be released from rehab, not sure how much care is required and not sure about progress. Probably more than you can handle i.e non ambulatory, all chores need to be done for him and the list goes on.
One of his children manages finances, could be another red flag.

Many things to consider before committing to this:
1. You. Are you quitting a job to do this, or will you be helping when you're not at work? What are you going to be sacrificing?
2. If your grandfather is still bedbound, someone will need to be available 24 hours daily to assist him. If you have a job, you'll suffer in many ways if you have to help him during the night.
3. Is he going to have home health care paid by Medicare, providing at least a few weeks of nurse visits to evaluate his health at least weekly + physical therapy + occupational therapy? There's a transition period after leaving a facility, when strength and stamina still have to be actively worked on.
4. Will you lose your own home or apartment, by moving in with him; and then have to find another place to live, if and when he can live on his own again?
5. What if the person managing his finances doesn't want to buy needed supplies for his care, or for home health aides to give you a break? You need to know that your requests for these things will be accepted as necessary (probably spelled out in a legal document), or you will find that family relationships turn for the worse - and that is extremely traumatic. When we cared for my mom periodically, she and Dad were still in charge of their finances and could decide what was needed. Other family members had no say; and we paid for all that we could ourselves, as we knew the time would come that they would need permanent care and would need their money then - and that time has come, and I have Durable Power of Attorney now, so that siblings have no say in how money is spent for care.

My husband and I managed my mother's care through hospitalizations, nursing home rehab, and then 3 months in our home, at least five different times. It was very difficult to do with me (in poor health myself), my husband (with a full-time job and a long daily commute), my dad (usually during the day, spending the nights at their apartments to care for their cats), and a teenage son still living at home, all pitching in to do what was needed.

It was so worth it, because time after time Mom was able to become independent again and go back home to resume her normal life with Dad. But I honestly couldn't have done it on my own.

I think you need to sit down with all your aunts and uncles and make a plan that is VERY SPECIFIC as to who is going to help in what way. I don't think it's likely that you can do this alone, and they should be pitching in. You're wise to be paid; that will need to be set in stone, with the help of an elder lawyer. As others have said, there is no way you can be paid enough for what you are going to be giving in time, energy, and emotion, to do this for your grandfather.

Unfortunately, the course of caring for an elderly person can't be predicted. It's hard to know what you need to know, before you've experienced it. You may have to change and launder bedding more than once daily, cook meals and clean up afterwards, keep up his house or apartment, help him with exercises, deal with home health coming into the home, deal with new health issues, help him dress and undress, help him to the commode, buy groceries, order medical supplies often - and often be doing two or more of these at the same time.

I don't want to discourage you from caring for your grandfather; your desire to do so is one I completely understand, and we can often do much more than we think possible, when the task has to be done. But I do think you need to have this organized as completely as possible, so both you and your grandfather look back at this time with appreciation for each other and this time you had together, and other family relationships don't fall apart. My son says now, as an adult, that he's glad he got to have this special relationship with his grandparents, as a caregiver; and my husband and I also cherish the time we've had with my parents (and still with Mom). But it has been a terrific amount of work and stress, too.

So...I'm not super excited that this is open-ended. That is a disaster waiting to happen. When a home health nurse, PT and OT are scheduled or rehab is scheduled in a situation like this - there is always a discharge date that is looming and the patient knows they have to work towards that date to improve (if they are able to do so)

I'm also not thrilled with the "we're not quite sure how it's going to work out and what kind of help he is going to need". This is another disaster in the making. Because if this is the case - how do you even know for sure that you alone are going to be able to handle his care?

You don't give us a lot of details - as others have asked - regarding your own situation. Are you leaving a job to do this? You say that the compensation is a deciding factor in how long you can stay with him. That leads me to believe that either you don't currently have a job or you are young enough OR don't have a lot of other responsibilities, that afford you the ability to temporarily stop working and find another job after you have taken a stint as his caregiver.

But let me caution you. Temporary caregiver is very often a misnomer. People often go into a caregiving role thinking they will only have to help for a few weeks or months. And before they know it, they have been taking care of their loved one for a few years. And when they leave the role for whatever reason - they struggle because they no longer have a home, their job skills have dwindled and need to be refreshed, and THEIR life outside of their caregiving role has sped along and they have to catch back up. So consider this very carefully. Because you don't have a "discharge" date. And people will often take advantage of a good will offer.

Your hands are also tied by the fact that one of his children is managing his finances. I'm assuming this child is not your parent. I'm also assuming this person has POA. That means that this person will be pulling all of the strings - including yours. Everything you need for your grandfather will have to go through them. Not just your pay. EVERYTHING. So if you have any concerns about this person's interests - you need to be wary. Are their interests in taking care of your grandfather? Or in keeping him home for the express reason of preserving his money? Because if you have any concern about the second - you need to be careful. Very little will be spent on funding your care of your grandfather if that is the case. And if your grandfather doesn't improve as expected, you will be the "go to" solution for his care in a permanent way.

I strongly encourage you to really think about this. If they can pay you to stay with him, they can pay home health to do the same - and that would most definitely have an end date and encourage your grandfather to improve. Too often when family steps in to take care of someone who is recovering - they will become more dependent on the family member than they would outside paid help. So just be careful with your decision so that you don't get yourself stuck in a situation you cannot extricate yourself from.