Assisted living requirements from family for ADL's, new clothing and setting up meds. Any advice?

You, rather dad is paying for Assistance with his needs.
In AL there should be an Aide that will provide the help he needs.
They should also be monitoring as he declines and requires more help. (this will come with increased fees)
In Memory Care the Staff ratio is such that he should also get help and there is more staff to assist but they do have quite a few people that they help.
Meds will be handled by the facility. (although some AL will allow residents to keep meds and self administer if they are kept locked. Check with the facility keeping your dad's cognition in mind. )

You can definitely go away for weeks at a time! If, for example, you want to go on a 2 week trip to Europe, do it! I would try to time it so that you have time to get him settled and adjusted before jetting off.

I didn't even live in the same city as my brother. Many patients/clients/residents HAVE no family. So clearly family cannot be responsible for these things.

I would speak directly with the facility as they are all different.

My mother is in a memory care facility. I provide her medications and eyedrops but the medtech will sort them out. They often have me give them, when I'm there. I take her to all her doctor and other appointments.
However, there is an insurance/HMO for 'homebound' clients, where they get regular visits, lab, simple xray, and physical therapy on site. They also have a contracted pharmacy which costs extra -mom has a regular HMO and this is considered an outside pharmacy. If you use their pharmacy (PharMerica), the facility will do the ordering: they have most but not all of the OTC meds too.

Memory Care Assisted Living is designed to provide the care your father needs, which warrants the cost. You shouldnt have to do any hands on care for him, however. As far as you leaving him for weeks on end unchecked, thats not a good idea in my experience. Why? Bc an advocate needs to make SURE he's properly cared for, has the essentials he needs bc MC does not provide clothing or special snacks or toiletries, etc. The staff needs to know you're actively involved with his care, or things can fall thru the cracks. If he falls or has a health concern, you'll be called right away as his POA. POAs make all decisions with regard to care when dementia is involved.

The MC will put him on their med administration program and in my mom's case, all the meds were ordered by the doc there and sent directly to the nurse. Set dad up with the staff doctor and other professionals so you don't have to schlep him to appointments off site.

Even with the covid lockdowns that occurred for a full year, I would still visit mom weekly for a window visit. She'd sit in the library on the phone and I'd be outside speaking to her from my cell. At least I got to lay eyes on her and track her decline during that awful year.

If you want to go away for extended periods of time, I recommend you find someone to go see dad while you're gone.

Best of luck to you

Someone from the assisted living or memory care facility will visit you and your dad and make an assessment as to which he needs. They'll fill you in on all that will be needed. You can check out more than one facility. When he's admitted you'll still visit on a regular basis and keep track of all that he needs and how he is being cared for, but it will be easier on you and you will be his son, not his caregiver. For sure take a vacation if that's what you need.
The assisted living or memory care will most likely want you to furnish his room - you can just take the furniture from his apartment, which will be good for him, as he'll recognize those things as his. He will need his clothes, but maybe not as many as he has now. For instance, not as many dress up outfits, unless he dresses up on daily basis. They will do his laundry. Depending on the size of the facility, you may need to label his clothes. He'll need his own bedding, probably 3 sets, toiletries, photos or art for his walls, etc. There will be a nurse who handles the medications and they will check with his doctor about all that and they usually have a pharmacy they use, so you won't have to do that any longer. He won't have medication in his room or have to remember when to take them himself.
Funny that your siblings think you wouldn't find him a "nice" place. Tell them to come help you find one.

An Assisted Living/Memory care are like moving into an apartment. Dad will be responsible for supplying his own furniture, towels and bed sheets/comforters. All his own toiletries and toilet paper and Depends. Clothing is his responsibility. If a kitchenette, he will need to supply anything he needs for that. Part of his room and board should include laundry and cleaning of his room. His care is a separate price and the cost will go up as he needs more and more care.

My Moms AL did not allow any medication in the room. It was required that the RN was responsible for prescriptions. Mom went in with what she had. When they were gone, I got new prescriptions and gave them to the RN. She sent them to the pharmacy they used. Moms Medicare and prescription card were used for payment. All OTC had to be ordered thru the pharmacy which cost Mom more money because I got her OTC on sale. The RN handled call to Moms Dr if felt there needed to be a change in her Meds. Residents used their own doctors.

The Meds will be given to Dad by a Medtech. All meds are kept with the Medtech or Nurse. Most ALs can supply transportation to Dr visits and shopping. You may want to ask though, in the instance of Dr visits, does someone stay with Dad or is he left off and the bus comes back later? I chose to take my Mom because of her Dementia.

I would say that as long as you stock Dad up on the things the AL does not supply, you can go on vacation as long as you want.

I'm concerned because my brother and sister want my father to live in a "nice" place. Well they left 2 hours away and I've been the one who's been doing all the work around here allowing him to stay in his apartment.

I try to tell them why don't they move him closer to them if they want him in a "nice" place. My sister is retiring this year and my brother's retiring next year. I'm keeping him in his place while working 40 hours a week. I'm getting kinda tired of this and wondered if an AL Would allow me the time I need for myself.

It’s a balance. Many tasks will be done for your parent but there is still the need to check in and make sure needs are being met. You can certainly take a trip and get away, but have someone else visit several times while you’re away to ensure all is well.

All care should be done by the staff. That is why the cost of AL and MC are so high.
Any and all medications even over the counter meds should be given by the assigned staff and each medication given should be recorded properly. You should not even give dad an aspirin, Tylenol without the facility being aware. (might interfere with meds given later)
You can continue to take dad to the doctor. Or if you wish the facility doctor can take over his general care. (many facilities will have transportation so if the doctor is local they may bring him, you can meet them and then the transport would return him to AL. There may be an added fee for this)

You can go away for weeks. You can still worry that his needs are not being met but it is unnecessary worry.
And it is possible that things will not be done the exact way you do them.
It is possible that some things may be missed.
But dad will be safe, he will have help when he needs it and you will be able to be a daughter not a caregiver.
Do expect dad to decline a bit
Almost any move can cause a decline.
Do expect him to be unhappy
That is to be expected when there is a big change.
Do expect him to want to "go home"
Reassure him that he is safe, that you love him and tell him he is home.
then give him a hug and a kiss.

In the AL/MC places I am familiar with, all ADLs, medication ordering and dispensing was done by the facility.

It was also my experience that it took several weeks for all the "kinks" to get worked out--medications ordered in a timely fashion, given at the correct time, staff getting to know the new resident's preferences and limitations.

We discovered almost immediately that my mom, post stroke, did not remember that she had a wrist band call button that she could push to summon help. She fell within an hour on entering the regular AL portion of the facility and simply lay there. Fortunately, the facility had arranged for someone to check on her every hour that first day, so they found her almost immediately.

We transferred her to the MC section; she was still unable to recall that she needed to call for assistance and we hired a private aide to be with her at all times.

She fell in MC a few nights later with TWO aides in the room. She broke her hip, leading to NH placement.