I want to walk away but can’t. What should I do?

Will your sister join you in standing up to mom?

"We can't do this any longer mom. You care is killing us."

Perhaps she like to go live with one of your brothers?

One of our posters (NHWM) finally stood up to her mom and unhelpful family. Her mom moved in with unhelpful brother.

What followed was perhaps the fastest facility placement is history.

If mom is of sound mind, she can give her money away to any scumbag she sees fit to give it to. She can also choose to cancel any cards her son has access to, and stop getting fleeced.

If she chooses to conduct her finances in this manner, and I don't blame you for being po'ed, then tell her to call SONNY BOY for all the help she needs instead of you bc he's being paid handsomely for doing jack chit. Leave her alone to consider the facts here and I'll betcha $100 She has a change of heart somewhere along the line.

Tough love is often the wake up call these elders sorely NEED.

You wrote this 5 YEARS Ago:

"I have constant simmering resentment toward my non-contributing brothers, who take far more than they give. Mom worries about money constantly and unloads these worries on me, yet continues to let them drain her of all her assets. I have implored her to stop giving them money as it worries her so much, and she answers. "I know I enable them." I feel helpless and frustrated and trapped. I know these emotions are not healthy ones - I feel them eating away at my well being every day. I'm worried about the person I am becoming. "

What's going to happen when Sis dies?

In what way is mom "vulnerable "?
She's playing you and sis like twin fiddles.

This whole thing is a psycho horror show. All you need is Janet Leigh screaming in the shower to scare the pants off of everyone in the audience.

You can quit suddenly by walking off the job and not going back.

Or you can quit in little bits, such as calling your mom only three days a week and then once and then stopping altogether, and then not dropping by to do the work and so on.

But you think that's too mean.

And it's okay if everyone creates a situation that ends up being mean to you.

If you do walk away, your wonderful sister and vulnerable mother will do something besides what they're doing now. They might even kick The Parasites to the curb.

My question is: What are you getting out of this that makes you stay? Why do you not matter but sis and mom and maybe their pet hamster are all more important than you?

Please try to find something fun to do with your time. These people don't deserve the life you're sacrificing on the altar of their dysfunction.

Of course you can walk away, he is her golden child, you and your sister are the scapegoats, just there for servitude.

That will never change, he is her favorite, it is not an unusual circumstance, some women think men are above women, and their boy is the all.

This has been going on long enough, time for you to remove yourself from their toxic relationship. The ball is in your court.

If they're taking the credit card without her knowledge or permission - is that true? Are you sure she doesn't know? - you can get it cancelled. It's one phone call to the issuer to report the card missing, and one to the police to report theft and fraud.

The beauty of this is that if your mother then claims that she did give them permission to use her card, the card issuer may well close her account because she won't have complied with basic security rules.

But anyway. Your brother has been playing your mother for years and years, it's frustrating, he's a creep, she's an idiot, this seems unlikely to change. But what's the direct impact on you, assuming you just provide what help you can regardless and make a deliberate choice to hold your peace about the money? Why and how is this your problem?

You can go to APS and raise a concern about financial abuse. Because your mother is of sound mind and will make excuses for your brother, APS can't do much; but at least it will all go on record, and in future, should there be allegations which lead further, there can be no question of your or your sister's having neglected to report an issue.

No, I doubt if anyone CAN help, and I think you would be wise to remove yourself from this. Your mother is apparently not judged incompetent by the court? If she were she would have a POA or guardianship to safeguard her funds.
As a competent person she is free to give her funds to whomever she likes. Apparently that is the brother and his wife whose "lies" she "regurgitates".

If your mother is incompetent then this fraud and theft of your brother and wife should be reported to the police and the DA in your district as elder abuse. If your mother is competent she is within her rights to do as she pleases with her money. In that latter case I would wash my hand of this crew. It is up to your sister whether or not she does the same. You can't change others. You can't take care of people who don't want your care (unless they ARE incompetent, in which case you need guardianship and control of the finances before she is robbed of everything).

I am sorry. Not everything can be fixed. Sometimes the best choice you can make is to save yourself.

Stop thinking you can fix the situation or save anyone. There is a whole lot of dysfunction that can’t be reconciled.

I skimmed your past posts. How much longer do you think your sister can continue to work and be your mother's caregiver? Is she stuck because an in-law apartment was built onto her house? I know you also help out a lot.

And your two brothers (one local, one not) don't do a thing. As you recognize, your mother has enabled their attitude. And they both get money from your mother?

What is your mother's financial situation? Can she afford a facility? In-home help? What is the plan as she needs more and more help?

The only thing you can do is report a case to Adult Protective Services. However, if your mother is competent, they may not be able to help. People have the right to make bad decisions. That doesn't mean that you have to remain a part of it. Decide on your boundaries with your mother, sister, brother, etc.