Can a POA healthcare prevent me from seeing my mother in a NH?

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Onhold1 Asked April 2023

Can a POA healthcare prevent me from seeing my mother in a NH?

My brother who has dementia Parkinson’s and POA healthcare has the NH not letting the staff talk to her about her care. Written in chart.
I live in another state and will be flying up there. I am afraid they will not let me see her. Can he do that because he has the POA for healthcare. Sounds like abuse.

Medical POA Relationships Siblings Skilled Nursing Facility

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score 2 · Answer 1

"My brother who has dementia Parkinson’s and POA healthcare has the NH not letting the staff talk to her about her care." OK, I took this to mean The Bro has d/pd and is still POA for Mom, who is not to be told about Mom;s care? I am confused?

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score 4 · Answer 2

If the purpose of this trip is to see your mother then my advice is this - management will not be on site evenings or weekends so time your visits for then. Above all be pleasant to staff, residents and your mother and don't do anything to stir the pot or call attention to yourself, as long as you leave the family disputes at the door it's unlikely anyone will have a reason to remember whether or not you are allowed to be there.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Yes, the POA for an incompetent adult does decide on placement, can decide who can visit, and especially if there has been disruptive visits, asking an incompetent person for money, and etc.

I would start with contecting your brother/the POA and would beg to see my parent. I would reassure brother that I understand he is the "lion at the gate" and that you would be more than happy to have all visits accompanied by him or by the administration.
If that doesn't work I would consult an attorney to ask if they can arrange for me to visit my parent in order to give them my love.
I might call APS and just run your circumstances by them. They may have some ideas for negotiation of a visit to your Mom.
It makes me so sad when siblings are at war over a still living parent. I so hope things will get better. It pains me that any elder has to go through this at the end of life.

I wish the best to you. I hope you will update us if you find a way to visit and give some love to your Mom.

I do know that family mediation is sometimes the answer for this. If you wish contact info on how to get mediation services, do drop me a line in private messages and I can give you some dot-org mediations outreach contacts. In the meantime, send short and loving cards and notes, flowers, candy, whatever you think your Mom might enjoy, and hope it gets through to her.

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I’m POA for my mother who I had to move in with me in late 2021. I lived 250 miles from my mom and she was struggling on her own, her neighbors called me with their concerns about her safety. She has two other daughters that live less than 10 miles from her, they did nothing for her. When I moved her here my sister called APS with some bullshit “concerns” she actually just flat out lied. APS closed the investigation and told me I didn’t have to allow my sisters ANY contact. I’ve been allowing phone contact on my terms but that is it. I gave my mother the choice of moving back to her home state to live with my sister that called APS or even an assisted living there, but told her I was done dealing with both sisters. I actually stopped speaking to one 20+ years ago because she’s an addict and a thief. Just because someone is “family” doesn’t mean they are safe or appropriate to be around someone who is in a fragile mental state. My mother has a phone in her room and her phone book with their numbers, she can call them but they are blocked on my end and can’t call in. When she’s placed in a nursing home I don’t know if I will allow visits but for now they are not allowed in my home and I’m not going out of my way to facilitate visits. Sometimes “war” is the only option, I’d love to have siblings I could count on to help. Instead I’ve got two sisters who couldn’t be bothered until she was gone. Jesus himself could ask me to change my stance I wouldn’t.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Short answer yes he can. As POA if he feels that it is unsafe, upsetting or any other "reasonable" excuse he can restrict visitation.
He can also determine who gets what information. Anyone that has not been listed on HIPAA forms as able to get information can not get any information. (Technically they probably can't even confirm she is a resident)
If your brother does have dementia he probably should not be the responsible party.
If your mom has dementia herself she can no longer assign or change POA.
You would have to go to court.
You would have to present proof that your brother is not fit, not cognizant to be POA and you would then have to obtain Guardianship. Or the Court would appoint a Guardian for your mom.

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I do talk to my mom every day and we have some good talks if I don’t call her after her Ativan, which she should not be on. Been an RN for many years and feel this neglect. Hope they get her off it before she falls again.
Not able to get info from some nurses and know she is taking it bud. Sister in law insists she takes it. She see’s her once every 2 weeks. My mother and her do not like each other.

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Can a POA healthcare prevent me from seeing my mother in a NH?

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