My dad has been in a memory care facility since February. He has alzheimers and is prescribed donepezil and exelon patch. He refuses to take his meds. He calls me more than 80 times a day. If I limit his calls while I am at work, only talking to him early morning and then again after work, he will make up a story. He tells me he fell and broke a rib. I see him every day. He is always in a great mood and we go for a short walk out side - he did not break a rib.
My question is ---the facility is charging my father an extra fee for medication management. I have guardianship of my father. I am fed up and need help from them. Thoughts on no longer allowing a phone in my father's room? Options? Opinions please?
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Has the doctor been notified of his refusal of meds and increased agitation . It may be time for a new med .
Don’t answer all the phone calls. Let it go to voicemail . Not sure if taking the phone away will make him more agitated . Good luck .
Is he aggressive about not taking his meds? Have you talked to him about what's going on? Like, why? Will he take them for you. He needs some meds that will calm him the heck down.
I would not go there every day. It's just too much.
What does the staff say about his behavior? Does he have a cell phone? If so, maybe the staff could keep it and only let him have it for certain parts of the day. Break the cycle. Or it could be "lost" for a couple of days. Tell dad you are going away for a vacation and will not be available by phone and you will see him when you get back. You need a break and he needs to settle down.
So sorry you are dealing with this. It's super stressful! Best of luck.
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Start speaking directly with the staff at the facility about his condition. He is doing his best to gain all of your attention.
You need to have time for yourself or his behavior will drive you crazy. You placed him there to receive the care that he needed and for you to be able to live your life with less interruptions.
Please enforce boundaries with him and don’t feel pressured to take all of his phone calls. If a true emergency arrises the facility will notify you.
If the 2 medications that have been prescribed to "slow the advancement of dementia" are the only 2 meds he is taking I would probably discontinue them.
The meds, if they work, work in early maybe mid stage dementia. They will not work forever, they will not stop, reverse the continued decline.
So if these two meds are stressing him out ask his doctor about discontinuing them. They may have to be "titrated" down rather than stop totally.
If he fell and broke a rib the facility would have called you not him.
Let his calls go to voicemail.
Does he actually need a phone in his room?.
The problem I see is would he make calls to 911? Or other people? If he does not need a phone I would have it removed.
If he really needs to call you he can go to the nurses station and use the phone there.
You are already going above and beyond by seeing your father on a daily basis. Is it necessary for you to see him daily?
You certainly do not have to speak to him numerous times on the phone when you are working, or even on your time away from work.
He has Alzheimer’s disease and isn’t able to comprehend what is appropriate, so it’s up to you to set boundaries regarding communication over the phone.
You deserve to be able to focus on your work in peace.
Would you be comfortable telling the staff at his facility that you are unable to receive calls from him while you are working? Then they know that you are not available to speak with him and that you are not ignoring his needs.
I don’t know what to say about him not taking his meds. It’s sad. I suppose that you could ask to speak with someone in administration about this situation.
I am so sorry for the unexpected loss of your mom.
You are definitely dealing with a lot emotionally. Wishing you peace as you continue on with your caregiving journey.
Do not neglect yourself. You matter just as much as your dad does.
You may be enabling this just a bit by being there every single day. Your dad may not "zero in" on you if you aren't there so very much.
Hard to say. This is something to experiment with the options on.
Your Dad is in care, in a facility. Given that, would there be some reason you cannot ignore calls from him when you don't wish to speak with him, and otherwise check in morning and evening?
How does staff tell you your Dad is doing overall?