Moving mom in?

I just went back and read what you’ve previously written about your mother and your relationship with her. It strongly suggests her living with you won’t work for either of you. It’s understandable to feel frustrated and sad about her current home, and it seems you’re doing all you can and should by trying to get her moved to a better arrangement. But a alcoholic, demanding, mother with lots of needs in your home is a disaster in the making for you both

My bil was an alcoholic who nobody cared to put up with anymore after years of mooching off family members. Having chosen his lifestyle and not to work, to smoke 2 packs a day and play video games 12 hrs a day, he also chose to live in a seedy motel where he paid by the week with his SS income, smoke to his hearts content and ride the bus to WM where he keeled over one day from ignoring his COPD. He wasn't a burden to any of us the past 15 years of his life, and that was a good thing, I must say.

The signs that mom needs to move in with you is that she stops drinking for a full year and chooses to take responsibility for her actions instead of making them YOUR burden.

Do not move her in with you. You have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into.

I read on your profile that mom is an alcoholic, has use of one arm, and is in a wheelchair.

DON'T MOVE HER IN WITH YOU! She has more problems than one caregiver can handle.

Alcoholic - Surely you know enough about alcoholics to understand that an alcoholic in your home is a special kind of hell from which you cannot emerge unscathed.

One arm - as her health declines, how do you feel about wiping her bottom? Feeding her (because it's hard to eat with only use of one arm; I've cared for a stroke victim and I know)?

Wheelchair - will it fit through all the doors in your home? Are you good with repairs (things break)? Can you lift it in and out of your car? Can you transfer her into and out of wheelchair to car, shower, bed, regular chair? Can you transfer her on and off the toilet?

You - with all of the above going on, you may not be able to work outside the home. Believe me, you will hate that. It also entails perhaps losing your insurance and retirement plan.

I don't know that the question is so much "what are the signs" as they are "Will I see the signs quickly enough to prevent disaster", because you well may not. None of us are experts. There needs to be clear testing by a neuro or neuro-psyc MD to assess current status, diagnosis and prognosis.

What signs are you currently seeing that concern you? Can you fill us in a bit more on that?
What options for placement have you discussed with your Mom.

Once you move your mother in with you it is very difficult to undo. You will have made her a tenant whether she pays rental or not If you are also POA you cannot evict her into unsafe living conditions. You should, if you do this, plan on seeing an elder law attorney to discuss shared living expenses, to discuss reassessment bi-yearly as to whether this is working out for you BOTH or not, and etc.

I wish you the best of luck.

Well, I would leave her where she is until a facility opens up for her. If you move her in, she may not want to leave and the battle begins.

Caregiving is not an easy practical option for most.

I wouldn't react, let it rest, be patient. A facility that has AL, MC and a NH would provide her care in the future.

Sending support your way!

How long are the wait list? I understand that you want the best care for your mom but please consider looking into any other options besides allowing your mom to move in.

If your mom moves in with you, you will feel overwhelmed. I know this from my own experience. Mom lived with me and it’s very difficult to be a 24/7 caregiver.

You will no longer have any time for yourself.