Does anyone know what Hotlined is? I live about 4 hours from my dad. He lives at home by himself in MO.

It seems hotlining is a term related to the mandated reporting of neglect or abuse (assuming to APS). The article below refers to child abuse but hotlining is the same for vulnerable adults.

"Hotline

A hotline reports abuse or neglect to the agency in your state responsible for children’s welfare. This agency is the Children’s Division, Family Services, Child Protective Services, or something else. It investigates all allegations of abuse or neglect it gets. The agency sometimes removes the child or children from the home for their safety.

Anyone can hotline child abuse. They give the operator the name or names of the children involved, a description of what is going on, and how to find the children and the family during the phone call. 

Mandated reporter

Some people, mandated reporters,  must call the hotline if they suspect abuse. Rules are different from state to state, but usually, anyone who works with children is required to report abuse if they suspect it. This includes therapists, teachers, daycare workers, and similar roles. Religious leaders, police officers, and various medical professionals are usually mandated reporters as well.

A mandated reporter must report any suspected abuse. They aren’t allowed to investigate and wait. Mandated reporters must report even if they don’t believe the child. They must report even if there is no evidence other than something the child said. Even if they truly, honestly like and trust the person accused of abuse.

Further, a mandated reporter can’t usually tell the person they are hotlining that they will be doing it. If that suspected abuser flees with the children after a mandated reporter gives them a heads up, that mandated reporter could be charged with a felony as well as lose any professional licenses they might have.

A hotline doesn’t mean that the person who hotlined you doesn’t like you or even thinks you’re a terrible parent. It just means that they have reason to suspect that you did something that met the definition of abuse or neglect in your state – even if it was only one time."

Source: https://www.jennisspace.com/what-happens-when-youre-hotlined-for-child-abuse/

So - it is interesting - when we get to a certain age and we are "parenting" our parents. I'm not in this position with my mother - but with my FIL and my grandmother. We are so careful to do what *they* want because that is what we are used to doing - and to an extent - they still have every right to make their own choices - but there comes a time when that's not entirely true.

When we were children - and yes I know there is a difference - they are technically adults - but when we were children - we needed them to be be our guiding light. If they did their jobs they taught us right from wrong, they gave us rules, they disciplined us and if all else failed - they literally removed us from situations we had no business being in for our safety.

You say he doesn't want to go to a nursing home. He has Alzheimer's. There comes a point that he's no longer an adult with full capacity. While you still need to treat him with the dignity of an adult, you have to adjust YOUR mindset to that of dealing with a child. You have to have the reflexes of a parent with a child and pivot on a dime. You teach a child that the stove is hot and you put pots on the back burner and you childproof and you move locks out of their reach. And you never ever leave a small child home alone because they don't have the ability to take care of themselves.

The same could be said for someone who has ALZ. One second - ESPECIALLY if you are not on site and are talking on the phone- they are completely lucid and talking to you like normal. The next second they might put something on the stove or in the oven for dinner and forget it and go to bed or to take a shower and leave it there and it catches on fire - or they leave the house and take a route they have taken a hundred times only this time they have no idea where they are and you get a call that they were found wandering around with absolutely no idea where their house is (and it's across the street or two blocks away, or God forbid 4 miles away), Or they are knocking on someone's door begging to be let in because they think they are at home ( I saw a video of someone doing this one time on someone's Ring camera, it was heartbreaking).

My point is, as others have mentioned, that someone checking in on him a couple of times a week may work for a very short period of time to allow you time to get things arranged for him - but a more permanent 24/7 solution needs to be put in place as soon as possible. 24/7 caregivers at home may be an option but you need to consider what happens if one of them doesn't show up. He needs to be somewhere that has a lot of eyes (and cameras) keeping track and the proper infrastructure in place to ensure that he is safe for your peace of mind.

Unfortunately it is only going to get more difficult as he progresses and you don't know at what point he will move into the next stage, so it is important that these things be put into place as soon as you can reasonably make them happen.

Hugs!

Your dad needs more than someone checking on him. My friend had a
mother that she thought would be okay with just checking on… until
she walked in one day and saw that mother had put a pot of water on the stove, turned it on high, and forgot it. Pot was almost dried and there were towels next to the burner.

If he is alone and APS pays a visit and finds he is unsafe, then they may pull the trigger and take over guardianship as a worse case scenario. How far away do you live?

General practitioners may not be as aware as geriatric specialists of how to manage the needs of patients with Alzheimer’s/dementia, and NO ONE wants “to live in a nursing home”, but if your father’s SAFETY is in question, he tragically but realistically no longer has a vote.

Unfortunately the diagnosis of dementia, hearing loss and vision loss is a pretty tough one in terms of living alone safely, so you have to be prepared for difficult outcomes.

Put together a list of local Independent Living and ASSISTED LIVING sites in YOUR area and HIS, so that when the current solution begins to fail, you have some idea YOURSELF of how to provide safe, realistic living arrangements for him.

Levels of care are USUALLY Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care, Skilled Nursing Care.

Look up “stepped care” on line and you’ll find descriptions of what each level of care entails.

If you have time, check out some articles about dementia and Alzheimer’s as well. Most of us here have willingly or unwillingly developed some degree of understanding about these conditions in order to help our LOs through their late life issues.

Many MANY topics are covered here, and you will have many friends and allies if you decide to continue to post.

Hope you find some of the discussions helpful.

I agree with Alva. Your dad has Alzheimer’s disease and will require more care than someone checking in on him couple of times a week.

His ability to remain independent is over.

You say that your dad told you that he only needs someone checking in on him.

Do you have medical POA for him? If he were my dad, I would want to hear news from the doctor who is treating him.

Don’t rely only on what he is saying. Get all of the facts on his situation and proceed accordingly. Assisted living with a memory care attached would be a good option.

Best wishes to you and your father.

Google has more than a few definitions of what "hotlined" is:

1. It can be pushing something up past the regular channels to get it to priority consideration
2. Hotlined can be the reporting on social media of posts by people considered to be potential threats to themselves, ie for expressing suicidal ideation.
3. It can mean that your account/service is temporarily suspended for late or no paymen of--for instance--an electric bill.

And etc. I guess you might have to explain a bit more of what you mean, or do the old google (or any other search engine) search for further suggestions.

What support does your Dad, who lives alone, have close by in his town?
If you are four hours away and your father is suffering from Alzheimer's dementia if doesn't sound safe to me that he is alone and checked only three times a week.

I wish you good luck. Hope you can fill us in a bit more. Take care.