The only things I am able to do is use a wet rag to wipe her scalp and go through her hair with that to take out the dandruff (she doest have much hair) and then I brush it out but she wont let me wash her hair or take her to the shower or sink to wash her hair and clean the rest of her body. I'm thinking of getting one of those bed pans and washing her hair while she's at the couch. Im at my wits end and it gives me so much anxiety to try to attempt anything and so much stress and guilt because I feel like Im doing such a terrible job because she hasnt had a shower in who knows how long. I feel like I dont know what Im doing and I should just quit. I have been able to get it to where shes comfortable with me she used to not let anyone touch her not even her feet or hands. I now am able to use a wet cloth to wipe her face as well. So her skin has been looking better and her feet arent scaly because Ive been putting the ammonium lactate the doctor prescribed her on. I know Im not doing enough though and it's killing me.
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If it's an expectation that you are her bath aid then you would announce when you arrive the you are there to help her with her bath, and then you hustle her into the bathroom to get ready. You need to be authoritative. If you are there to get her up in the morning then you take her in to use the toilet and wash up before she gets dressed for the day. If she is continent then she will be in the bathroom to use the toilet, so that's a natural time to direct her to get undressed and seated on the shower chair "since she's already there anyway". Or try redirecting her when she's already on her feet after breakfast or lunch so you don't have to convince her to move off the couch.
You might try telling her you are going to get in trouble if she doesn't get washed, or that you brought a special body wash or lotion you'd like her to try. You don't want to force her, but beg, wheedle, cajole and manipulate.
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You should inform her doctor and whoever is responsible for her of your concerns. Let her be their problem, not yours.
Caregivers are in great demand, and you could be working for someone who only needs someone to drive her to lunch and settle her in bed for a nap before you leave for the day.
Much nicer for you!
The home says if we can get her to shower once a week, that would be good. IDK I am not thrilled about that but if that's the best we can do, then we have to accept it.
She doesn't reek as she still does the bathroom business by herself, no mistakes. She is going to be 85 in July.
In the meantime, Stryker No Rinse Washcloths are excellent to help keep her clean. You can get them on Amazon.
It can be a huge challenge for caregivers to manage this task with an Elder, so I wish you good luck and patience.
Is the room warm enough (that means too hot for you)
do you have a good shower chair with a back
are there grab bars
is there a hand held shower wand so water isn't pouring down on her head
is the shower and floor non slip
Would it be possible to take her to the salon occasionally for a wash and cut? No rinse shampoo and body wash are great for sponge bathing. Her feet can be done in a foot spa bath or just a plain dishpan. Try handing her the wash cloth and getting her to do as much as possible herself while you concentrate on the areas she can't reach. A hand held bidet wand can be a great way to do peri care.... I was lucky in that our toilet and shower were close enough that I could use the hand held shower while my mom was seated on the toilet.