My husband is incontinent at night, so I started using an external catheter with him. Now he pulls it off, causing the need to start over 2 to 3 times a night.

My DH's neurologist sent him to a urologist who prescribed Myrbetriq (mirabegron) for his incontinence. We are still in a 4 week trial period to see if it works for him. He wears Depends and Guards 24 hours a day. He would have occasional leak if he slept too long.

Wellness pull-ups - if he will wear them.

https://www.carewell.com/product/wellness-absorbent-underwear/

I would put disposable underwear on him and add an additional pad (looks and fits like a sanitary pad) that can be removed easily every few hours. Using a good barrier cream first is advisable. If he is at the point that he pulls everything off of him and/or gets violent, it’s time to try and get him into a nursing facility. You could call Hospice and have them take over his medication and get him on something that will make him sleep all night. I know how hard this is. The sooner that you get help, the sooner you can start to get some rest. Take care of you.

DMGStoll: Perhaps you'll have to opt for a bedside commode since the condom catheter isn't working. OR since you state in your profile that your DH (Dear Husband), Garrett suffers from Alzheimer's, maybe he requires facility living.

Not a medical professional any longer, so I can say what maybe some of the others can’t - the only solution may be to medicate him to the point where he is no longer aggressive and no longer fighting the catheter. If he is this aggressive, he may still fight any kind of catheter. My Dad pulled his inflated regular catheter out. But the medication may make him sleepy, which is ok. Imagine how awful it must feel to be inside his body with all of that agitation. The stress his body is going through. You would be doing him a favor to calm him down.

The main point is that he is unmanageable, as he is. The nursing home knew that - they should never have discharged him to your house. They put you in danger in their haste to remove him from their premises.

As others have mentioned, the next time he gets out of hand, call 911 and have him transported to the ER. Then tell them repeatedly, to everyone you can, that it would be unsafe for you to take him home. That puts the ball in their court. Let them find a place for him. They have the knowledge to do so.

It’s time to put yourself first. You deserve a peaceful environment. You can’t be an advocate for him if you are hospitalized from injury or exhaustion. Go back to being a wife instead of a caretaker. Visit him once they’ve calmed him down.

My suggestion to you is to re-read answers to your question about facilities that care for abusive and aggressive patients. My best friend was nearly killed by her husband who had dementia. While she was still in the hospital recovering from her injuries, she was asked to take her husband home with her. She said, "No, period." (Thankfully, he didn't destroy her brain.) The hospital social worker found a facility that accepted her husband and admitted him. My friend's only regret is that she hadn't researched facilities while she had a chance. Because of my best friend's horrific experience, my journey with a husband who has dementia has been easier.

I think it's a good idea to speak to a urologist. There are more permanent catheters. You can choose between: (a) catheter that goes through the private parts, or (b) totally permanent solution, catheter going through the stomach (suprapubic catheter) (needs a small operation in the stomach to do it). But he absolutely mustn't yank at the tubes. So the doctor might not recommend either of these options (a) (b).

I think anyway you should speak to a urologist. Other option is as others mentioned: changing adult diapers several times a night. Put two adult diapers on at the same time, one on top of the other, so more can be absorbed, soaked.

Assisted living or memory care? Time for evaluation and placement: do it for him and do it for yourself.

Why fight it. Life is too short. I use bed pads for my wife and change her diaper and pads several times a day. Not my favorite job but it beats fighting.

Have you tried bed pads as well. I would buy a few that go all the way across the bed. This way you won't have to worry about the sheets or mattress.

Here is the link to DMGStoll's other question:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-is-the-recourse-for-spouse-who-is-unpleasant-and-known-to-be-uncooperative-and-physically-aggre-481040.htm?orderby=oldest

Inform his PCP regarding behavior.
His illness may have declined to other level of care needs consideration. The night before wetting is surely one immediate challenge that the PCP needs to be aware of and provide support to you for, but there seems to be other needs increasing; perhaps you want to have him assessed by a hospice your choice for possible hospice appropriateness to admit either for home care or facility care.
The supplies ( diapers, bed pads, other equipment, supplies) are provided by hospice and the multiple interdisciplinary professionals visiting can help both him and YOU !

I think Gleaton777's suggestion is a great one to try first.

I don't have experience with a condom catheter yet, but here are the products I have found to help with incontinence especially at night....

Briefs: Tranquility Overnight are excellent. Tranquility also offers a booster pad to place inside it for extra absorption. I use the overnights even in the daytime with the booster pad when we leave the house. You can purchase samples.

https://tranquilityproducts.com/product/tranquility-premium-overnight-disposable-absorbent-underwear-dau/
https://tranquilityproducts.com/product/tranquility-topliner-booster-pad/

Bed Pad: The Fusion Bed Pad is excellent. I got my first ones from my sister when her husband died. She had gotten them from an online neighborhood site. I was not impressed but decided to try one. It is by far better than any disposable or quilted pad. The website has videos showing the comparison. There have been mornings I actually had to place my hand on it to see that it was wet.

https://www.mipinc.com/products/categories/underpads/patient-care-underpads/fusion%C2%AE-underpads.html?classid=75&searchString=pad

The OP has another thread where she explains her situation further. It’s a tragic situation. Please read it.

This is a situation that causes caregivers to find a facility where husband can be cared for by professionals 24/7. You need to find one before this caregiving gig ruins your health and/or kills you.

Very sorry, and it's sad.

You can purchase anti-strip clothing so that he can't get at it to take it off.

https://www.silverts.com/all-adaptive/pants/alzheimer-s-jumpsuits

Or, have him just use disposable briefs plus the anti-strip clothing. Whatever doesn't exhaust you!

You can have his urologist put in a permanent catheter. It's called a supra pubic catheter, and he won't be able to pull it out.
My late husband was very incontinent and after trying all the bladder spasm medications and even having Botox put in his bladder he still was. So his urologist recommended that he get the supra pubic catheter, which was a Godsend as we were both finally able to sleep through the night and I only had to empty his catheter bag twice a day.
But until then make sure he still wears his Depends, and you have waterproof pads under him that are large enough to keep the sheets at least dry.

You obviously are taking on way more than you can handle. I read your other post as well and it's time to look for another memory care facility that will be able to handle him. There are several different medications that can be given for his aggression. Your husband is not the first person that these places have had to deal with that have aggression.
There are places out there that will take him, so don't stop looking. Have a social worker help you in your search if needed.
I wish you the best in finding the right facility for him.

I posted on your other thread. I’m so sorry that you are going through this nightmare.

I responded here so someone will see your posting and reply to your request for help.