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Decopkg Asked May 2023

My Mom is 83 and showing memory issues, and extreme agitation. It doesn’t matter what I say or suggest, always fights me and hangs up.

It is getting worse daily. My Dad is still alive and working-from his computer. All my mother does is run around all day-driving to pick up this and that, prescriptions, food, etc-basically taking care of him. And the entire condo. She cooks every night and does dishes too. There are some health issues-her with heart-and him diabetes. She has zero patience with me and my husband-we are right they are willing and ready to help her whenever she needs it. Sometimes we help them financially.. But the current situation is intolerable. It doesn’t matter what I say she fights me all the time raises her voice at the littlest thing and hangs the phone up on me. She did so this week a couple of days ago. Kind of ruined Mother’s Day weekend. We were all planning on going out to dinner, but my husband and I are very disillusioned. She doesn’t think anything of it and after a few days or a week or two will call me like nothing happened. I really don’t wanna have any more contact with her, but she is my mother and I love her. But my Blood pressure is high, and it is causing me and my husband a lot of stress. HELP!!!

MACinCT May 2023
You describe my MIL who was hyperagitated when my FIL was dying of cancer. It turned out she was having cognitive changes which later progressed to dementia. Try to send a letter to her doctor about these issues as a form of notification. Make sure to include her date of birth in the communication.

Ohwow323 May 2023
My Daddy was the same. Yelled at me, I was the worst daughter in the world. Please have her get a full physical. Also, you will should check out the POA situation. Make sure you are on the contact list.

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JoAnn29 May 2023
If this is sudden, have Mom checked for a UTI. Symptoms will be like Dementia. We think my MIL had it before TGiving of 2012, she was found Eo Jan 2013 on the floor of her living room hullucinating. We all lived 8 to 18 hrs away from her so not there daily. Older women do not get the itching and burning. My MIL complained to her Dr about a pain in her back. It was chalked up to her arthritis. Would not hurt to have Mom get a full physical.

BarbBrooklyn May 2023
Decop, welcome!

It sounds like your mother is under a good deal of stress.

Can you contact her doctor in writing and enumerate your concerns about her health?

Unless your mother has signed HIPAA paperwork allowing you to GET medical information, you won't have a conversation with the doctor, but you can GIVE her/him the relevant information.

It's sad that your mother doesn't see your concern as an expression of love. Let it go for a bit, maybe limit contact and see if that helps YOUR stress level.

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