Mom got her wings today.

Mom passed this afternoon..my estranged brother came to make amends and spent several minutes alone with her last night , even though she seemed to be in a deep sleep and only marginally responsive...Her eyes opened briefly to look at him and whispered "love" and I know she was waiting for him before she could allow herself to pass . I spent this morning with her...breathing was very irregular and vitals slipping ...i played her favorite hymns on my i pad, held her hand and told her how much I loved her. God richly answered my prayers that not only I, but my brother, could forgive and move on to a place of love and away from the past . Mom finally got the right meds for her lifelong struggles with anxiety, bi polar and depression...It was like a light turned on and she blossomed into the mom I dreamt about having for 68 years.But she loved us and my dad the best she could..I know that now...
It breaks my heart that she never sought or accepted help..but I felt closer to her in the past 4 months than I have my entire life.....brings such happiness, but also such raw grief and heartbreak for losing her and not being with her when she passed..I was working on her eulogy and on way back and delayed by several minutes by traffic...Even though she was 92 and so ill... The lymphoma moved so fast, and it was a blessing that her Alzheimers softened that reality for her. I did not want to lose her on Mothers Day weekend ....but then realized that God gave us both the best gift of all..wings for mom to fly high and free....to her final Home and .to my dad, who she missed so much this,past year. And gave the gift of peace to me, that she is no longer afraid, and in pain and suffering. Happy Mothers Day....and God bless you all on your journeys,...you have lifted me up and have all been my angels during my darkest days. The pain and grief I am now feeling is so deep , and so raw, but it also reminds me of the depth of my love for her, despite all the harsh words and hurtful actions of the past. When she was still lucid on Wednesday, I left later in afternoon because she was so exhausted...and as always , told her I loved her, as she did me..but this time she called me back and told me "I love you more" and really looked at me again and said "I love you more, precious daughter." She knew.....This hurts so bad and I already miss her so much.