While it's true to never correct an elder suffering from dementia, it can get quite tricky when and if they're accusing you of outrageous or ridiculous things! It's not a good idea to agree with them that burglars are trying to break into the house, or bugs are infesting the bedding, so we walk a fine line separating the truth from the fiction with their delusions. 😑
The best course of action, in general, is to distract them off of the topic that's causing agitation. Agree with what's reasonable, divert from what's not, and ignore the rest. If your loved ones new reality becomes frightening or agitated to a nerve wracking point, call the doctor for calming meds. There is no reasoning with them, so you can only try to use distraction techniques or calming techniques to temporarily help them forget their train of thought. It's a difficult situation to say the least.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
From your profile: :"I am caring for someone with alzheimer's / dementia, cancer, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, heart disease, incontinence, and stroke."
"My husband and I are in our 70's. We have one daughter who is too busy with her career to help much. I have trouble with arthritis and back pain. I usually don't get enough sleep."
Does your mother live with you and your H? She has a lot going on medically. You have arthritis, back pain, and don't get enough sleep.
Sounds like it's getting to be too much for her to live with you! You also seem resentful that your D doesn't help.
How/when did you become your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver? And why?
What is your mother's financial status? Can she afford a facility? Could she be Medicaid-eligible?
You should NEVER correct a person who has any of the dementias. The best thing you can do is just go along with whatever she is saying as it is her truth, even if it's not yours. You have to now enter her world and leave yours behind(at least when you're with her). You have to meet her where she's at. Your life and hers will be so much more peaceful and happy if you do. I would suggest educating yourself about the disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your mother is going through. The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins is a great place to start. Teepa Snow(a world renowned dementia expert)has many great videos on YouTube as well along with several great books she's written on the subject too. So....NO more correcting your mother. It's time to just go with the flow and whatever she says. You'll be glad you did.
You already know your mother will scream at you when you correct her. Don't correct her anymore if you don't want to get yelled at.
She has dementia. Her reality is what her mind makes up. You can't convince her differently. It's futile.
What you should do is go along with it. What to say, you ask? You can nod, say yes, I agree, uh huh, sure, of course; or longer phrases and sentences if you feel like it. If you're in the mood, you can add on to and elaborate on her made-up stories just for the fun of it. But always agree with her.
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The best course of action, in general, is to distract them off of the topic that's causing agitation. Agree with what's reasonable, divert from what's not, and ignore the rest. If your loved ones new reality becomes frightening or agitated to a nerve wracking point, call the doctor for calming meds. There is no reasoning with them, so you can only try to use distraction techniques or calming techniques to temporarily help them forget their train of thought. It's a difficult situation to say the least.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
"My husband and I are in our 70's. We have one daughter who is too busy with her career to help much. I have trouble with arthritis and back pain. I usually don't get enough sleep."
Does your mother live with you and your H? She has a lot going on medically. You have arthritis, back pain, and don't get enough sleep.
Sounds like it's getting to be too much for her to live with you! You also seem resentful that your D doesn't help.
How/when did you become your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver? And why?
What is your mother's financial status? Can she afford a facility? Could she be Medicaid-eligible?
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You have to now enter her world and leave yours behind(at least when you're with her). You have to meet her where she's at. Your life and hers will be so much more peaceful and happy if you do.
I would suggest educating yourself about the disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your mother is going through.
The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins is a great place to start. Teepa Snow(a world renowned dementia expert)has many great videos on YouTube as well along with several great books she's written on the subject too.
So....NO more correcting your mother. It's time to just go with the flow and whatever she says. You'll be glad you did.
She has dementia. Her reality is what her mind makes up. You can't convince her differently. It's futile.
What you should do is go along with it. What to say, you ask? You can nod, say yes, I agree, uh huh, sure, of course; or longer phrases and sentences if you feel like it. If you're in the mood, you can add on to and elaborate on her made-up stories just for the fun of it. But always agree with her.