Father keeps calling police for no reason. Frustrating having to come home from work to deal with this. He acts like a little child. I wish the police would understand.
Who is caring for your father while you work. If no one, the police can call Adult Protection Services in. A person suffering from Dementia at some point can't be left alone. The Police understand but there are limits. If no one is with Dad while you work, there should be. If Dad can't afford that, then there are options. You see if he qualities for in home Medicaid. It may even be time to place him in Long-term care. Maybe Daycare.
You should not give up your job to care for Dad. Your future is important. Some Caregivers give up everything to care for a LO only to find when the LO is gone they have nothing, no support. You are important to.
Just a suggestion here….When it became apparent that my father could no longer use an iPhone (it just be became too complicated for him) I got him a RAZ memory cell phone. It is a phone specifically for dementia patients. You control the phone through the caregiver app. You control the contacts on it, and can control if people outside of his contact list are able to call him at all. This is great feature to avoid scam calls. It has no voicemail, no internet, and no apps, so it’s very straight forward. This was fine by me as he was unable to figure out how to listen to messages anyway. It has a dial pad but you can disable it if you want to and he will only be able to call the people you have programmed into his contacts. The contacts are pictures of the person with the name of the person under the picture. All they have to do to make a call is touch the picture. I was even able to put the picture of the small family owned pizza place he likes to order from, and I called them and gave them a credit card to keep on file so he can order whenever he wants without getting confused about the payment aspect.
Here is where this could REALLY help you…as his caregiver you can register the phone for the service that takes the calls he makes to 911 and they will speak to him to determine if this is a real emergency or just a dementia patient pushing buttons on their phone. If it is they will call 911, if not they they will tell him to have a good night and hang up. You can also set an alert so whenever he makes a 911 call the service will alert you and ask if you would like them to call 911 and they will stay on the line while you call him to make sure he’s okay. Or you can just text back saying he’s fine and they won’t call 911.
It can be a bit maddening to get all those alerts (I once got 15 in a hour), but at least you are dealing with the service and getting it resolved before the police show up. You can also just turn off the alert so you don’t have any idea when he is calling 911 and let these trained people handle it. If it is a true emergency and the service has called 911 they will call you and let you know. It saved my sanity. You will need to register for this service and send in your medical POA to the company. I think it’s like $89 a year.
the phone is not without it’s “issues”, but overall WAY easier to use for him and I get A LOT less calls from him saying his phone is broken (because he can’t figure out how to use it even though he is calling from the phone that is supposedly broken 🤪 ).
I believe that if someone is incapable of using the phone properly, their access needs to be cut off. This probably also means they should not be left alone. The consequences of an inappropriate call to 911 can be deadly. I realize there often aren’t a lot of options and that dementia sneaks up gradually, but this should be a wake up call to revisit the elder’s care situation.
Police have serious issues to deal with other than handling calls from dementia patients, same as 911 dispatchers do! "Understanding " only goes so far when an elder is left alone to make inappropriate phone calls instead of having a caregiver at home or being in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or daycare. It's up to the family to insure the elder is properly managed on a daily basis and not the police department!
Your father's brain is not functioning properly anymore which is the definition of dementia. He's going to act childish in certain ways from now on. The question is, what are you going to do to help him and cut down on your frustration in the process? Education is beneficial so you can understand the disease process and what to expect or not expect from dad moving forward.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
My aunt had to have her telephone taken away from her in AL after calling 911 once too often. Some have to disable the emergency call numbers on the elders phones.
"Father keeps calling police for no reason". I'd bet he DOES have reasons. Fear being my first guess. Lonliness second. Where did you go? How long will you be? Are you ever coming back?
"Frustrating.." Yes. Time to make changes.
"He acts like a little child". He is acting like an adult with dementia.
"I wish the police would understand." Some officers won't. How much dementia training to you think they get? (A 95yo with dementia got tasered in Australia this month). Some officers WILL get it. They will get that an elderly person is being left alone, is afraid or lonely so calling for help.
Being able to call the Police, Fire or Ambulance in a real emergency is a necessity. Please do not take the phone away.
However, if he cannot use a telephone appropriately, he needs supervision.
Dementia is progressive. The care level gets progressively higher. It is not easy (big understatement), but being realisitic about his needs will be kindest & safest.
Not necessarily. Near the end, my mom was in the habit of opening the front or back door and screaming “help, police” over and over again. She sometimes would do it while I was there or with her on the phone. I asked her “why are you doing that?” And she said because she liked to, and she would smile…so in some cases, it could be loneliness or some thing else, but not in all cases. Once in awhile neighbors would call 9-1-1; but after a few calls, they flagged her address in their system.
The Raz phone has an option where 911 calls are answered by qualified emergency personnel who are aware of the situation. They decide if there is a real emergency that should be addressed without going through 911. They also contact you. It was a great help with my father who had lewy body dementia with violent delusions. The cost initially is well worth it.
I just checked out the RAZ phone... this seems to be the BEST answer for the OP and probably for a lot of issues other folks are dealing with! I wish this were available when my husband could still be understood on the phone. I hope the OP checks out this company. I would love to hear if anyone who has tried this company has had negative experiences.
My wife has the same habit, in fact she not only calls the police, she just randomly hits all of the speed dial buttons and calls anybody, at any time of the night or day. My solution was to disconnect the phone whenever she was awake, and all night in case, as was her habit, she gets up while I'm sleeping. The problem is that I sometime forget and she manages to make a call or two. Fortunately, our local police are very understanding and others she has called also understand the problem. In fact, just yesterday she managed to make a call to 911. Her stock complaint is that she has been kidnaped. When the officer showed up, she changed the story, very sweetly she told him "Oh no, this is my husband, he takes good care of me - I have Dementia:" I was surprised, didn't know she understood the problem, It's been suggested that I use only my cell phone, which I have used only for emergencies in the past, it's a pay as you go phone, no contract, so I have problems with that feature. The number has not been given to those who may need/want to call, but only have my land line number, which I have always used as primary. However, it does appear to be the solution, maybe turn off the land line and go cell phone only.
Fred you can also set up a cell phone and have your landline number imported to that phone so that you don’t have to go thru the hassle of changing your number for everyone. There are very reasonable cell phone plans that are probably just as cheap as your landline you are currently paying for.
You need to get him evaluated by your dr.You not the police need to understand that the police must respond to every call.Consider a home or a caregiver.He can not be left alone.
My wife has the same habit - fortunately all of the officers who have responded, so far, have been more than understanding. My solution was to disconnect the land line whenever Ann is awake and depend on my "pay as you go" cell phone. that has worked for the past week, even though I've forgotten to reconnect at times and missed some calls - nothing important though thankfully. My phone will still accept messages when disconnected.
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You should not give up your job to care for Dad. Your future is important. Some Caregivers give up everything to care for a LO only to find when the LO is gone they have nothing, no support. You are important to.
Here is where this could REALLY help you…as his caregiver you can register the phone for the service that takes the calls he makes to 911 and they will speak to him to determine if this is a real emergency or just a dementia patient pushing buttons on their phone. If it is they will call 911, if not they they will tell him to have a good night and hang up. You can also set an alert so whenever he makes a 911 call the service will alert you and ask if you would like them to call 911 and they will stay on the line while you call him to make sure he’s okay. Or you can just text back saying he’s fine and they won’t call 911.
It can be a bit maddening to get all those alerts (I once got 15 in a hour), but at least you are dealing with the service and getting it resolved before the police show up. You can also just turn off the alert so you don’t have any idea when he is calling 911 and let these trained people handle it. If it is a true emergency and the service has called 911 they will call you and let you know. It saved my sanity. You will need to register for this service and send in your medical POA to the company. I think it’s like $89 a year.
the phone is not without it’s “issues”, but overall WAY easier to use for him and I get A LOT less calls from him saying his phone is broken (because he can’t figure out how to use it even though he is calling from the phone that is supposedly broken 🤪 ).
Maybe give it a try.
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Your father's brain is not functioning properly anymore which is the definition of dementia. He's going to act childish in certain ways from now on. The question is, what are you going to do to help him and cut down on your frustration in the process? Education is beneficial so you can understand the disease process and what to expect or not expect from dad moving forward.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
My aunt had to have her telephone taken away from her in AL after calling 911 once too often. Some have to disable the emergency call numbers on the elders phones.
Best of luck to you!
I'd bet he DOES have reasons. Fear being my first guess. Lonliness second. Where did you go? How long will you be? Are you ever coming back?
"Frustrating.."
Yes. Time to make changes.
"He acts like a little child".
He is acting like an adult with dementia.
"I wish the police would understand."
Some officers won't. How much dementia training to you think they get? (A 95yo with dementia got tasered in Australia this month). Some officers WILL get it. They will get that an elderly person is being left alone, is afraid or lonely so calling for help.
Being able to call the Police, Fire or Ambulance in a real emergency is a necessity. Please do not take the phone away.
However, if he cannot use a telephone appropriately, he needs supervision.
Dementia is progressive. The care level gets progressively higher. It is not easy (big understatement), but being realisitic about his needs will be kindest & safest.
https://www.razmobility.com/solutions/memory-cellphone/
https://www.razmobility.com/assistive-technology-blog/
It's been suggested that I use only my cell phone, which I have used only for emergencies in the past, it's a pay as you go phone, no contract, so I have problems with that feature. The number has not been given to those who may need/want to call, but only have my land line number, which I have always used as primary. However, it does appear to be the solution, maybe turn off the land line and go cell phone only.