I want to let go of the sole caregiver responsibility due to the constant harassments, lies from my toxic, selfish, hateful siblings.

Of course your mom is thriving and has much more money. You've depleted your funds for moms care.
What plans do you have for being reimbursed? Not sure how the siblings can accuse you of stealing from mom. I hope someone responsible is her POA. I hope that you get things worked out

As you said OP, your sister doesn't love your Mom.

She USES your Mom, and she villainizes you to try to make you look bad, because otherwise compared to you, she does indeed look very bad. Typical. Hopefully, you can cut contact with your sister. Those who have bad siblings know what you're going through. Those who have no siblings (an only-child) sometimes don't understand.

Your mother needs Assisted Living with Memory Care available to her as needed. Working full time means you are not capable of caring for her at home as dementia requires 24/7/365 care. To use your own funds to finance her life when she has a larger bank account than you makes no sense, especially that you have so many of your own health issues to deal with.

Please seek out some therapy so you can attempt to overcome the issues you have with your sister. To villianize her to THIS degree and say "I should not be hated for loving my mother" yet your sister SHOULD be? Work towards finding and maintaining some level of a peaceful resolution here, for moms sake.

Best of luck to you.

Please seek out the counseling services of a Licensed Social Worker in private practice as soon as you can. You are making some dire decisions that will have dreadful repercussions on your own life ongoing, especially in terms of putting your own funds into the care of your mother. Unless you hold great wealth, this is so very dangerous and unwise.

You also need help negotiating some serious family issues, let alone the issues that are directly involved with caregiving.

People often come to Forum asking help of other caregivers (which is what most of us are or were) with issues that truly require expert advice of either MD in the case of illness, Attorney in the case of legal documents, or financial advisors, CPAs, etc.
In your case the help of a LSW will be of great value. They are not going to be interested in all the Freudian malarky, but rather in the day to day of your situation and they are well versed in dealing with life transitions, family relationships, available help and support for the caregiver.

I wish you the best. Your problems are far too complex for me to have any expertise, but the fact that you are using funds that are crucial to your own well being in this manner makes me know you need solid expert advise immediately.

i hope you can cut contact with your sister. i hope others have good advice for you. meanwhile, i leave you with a quote. you said, "She is a sociopath who lives in an alternative reality."

here's the quote:
❤️🙂

"You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there's a 'socio' in front of it."

Find assisted living for your mom. Her dementia will only get worse.
I had my mom
in my home for 12 years. She ended up driving 151 and 162 miles the wrong way back to back… I had to convince her not to drive. She left the stove on multiple times. So I looked into getting assessments done.

Mom was formally diagnosed with dementia in 2020. In late 2021,
three siblings had a dr reverse the diagnosis and claim it was just cognitive decline not dementia and promptly they opened up credit accounts to the tune of 42k in a couple of months in Mom’s name. Mom was upset as she had some call about debt. So I asked if we could pull her credit together and then I saw the accounts had been opened.

I filed for guardianship. I was already the poa. I won. But then all hell broke loose… harassment by cop via made up reasons to stop by the house. I talked to all of the police and they finally stopped coming by when the calls would come in.

These lovely older litter mates wrote to the court and said I don’t feed mom. Or allow her access to laundry, personal
hygiene or sleep
hygiene.

The court however fully vetted me and I became the guardian. I let them all know they are not welcome in my home ever again via the court hearing so it’s of record.

Mom can visit them or they can come to our state and stay in a hotel or air bnb but not in my home.

I finally filed to be removed as guardian as the harassment has been harrowing and has adversely affected my own health in terrible ways.

Now, I’m answering to complaints to the court about my guardianship, more accusations of wrong doing. I have had to meet with court investigators even though I am not even the guardian anymore.

Mom has since been admitted to assisted living. My countenance is better in the last four months since she moved.

Last week, I logged in to the bank account to pay moms rent (still her POA) and there was a check written by mom to one sib. Mom doesn’t understand who her bank is. Mom didn’t even have checks. They changed my password a couple
of times on the bank website and ordered checks. I learned that this week and opened up an IRS elder fraud case. I am hoping I can be removed as poa and appoint someone else and see how that person handles the harassment.

The biggest issue that has been uncovered in this process is that mom’s money has been accessed over and over. In the 12 years mom lived with me, we never charged her a dime for anything and with her income she had she should have had a decent nest egg but literally had nothing. So
its clear they were all on the take.

The hatred of me and accusations never occurred in the decade prior to filing for guardianship so I know it was all money being shut off that was the catalyst for the harassment and abuse.

Take care of you. You matter.

Caretaker compassion fatigue is real. There is a government study in the US about caretaker suicide rates.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35696056/

I suggest getting a space for mom in AL and then give distance for your health.

good luck. Stay strong. You are not alone.

"I work full time, have MS, experiencing extreme menopausal hot flashes, trying to pack up to move myself and my mother to a better, safer, more peaceful environment. She does not eat well unless I prepare and serve it. I do her hair, clean her apartment and mine, I do the shopping, take her to her doctors appointments, etc. The problem is that I often fee overwhelmed and sick myself but I keep pushing thru. I refuse to abandon my mother and watch her deteriorate and do nothing to prevent it."

"This job is hard enough, I also work full time and my mental, emotional and even spiritual health are being threatened"

"I go above and beyond.. but am definitely burnt out. I am naturally a very optimistic, resilient person. The problem is she can be negative, depressed and complains a lot.. which can be draining to me.. I am now trying to get her in a Senior Day Care and some Home Health Care assistance."

"...feel like I'm going to go bankrupt caring for my mom (with dementia) in my home."

"...withdrew money from my 401K, put myself into debt, take her to all of her doctor's appointments, do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. "

In reading through your profile and past posts, aren't there more concerns than just your sister?

You have now moved your mother and yourself into a townhouse, and this happened towards the end of 2022? Have you found her Senior Day Care Home Health Care Assistance yet?

If you work FT outside of the home, who is there during the day with your mother?

Why are you bankrupting yourself to take care of your mother? She is only 85.

And don't forget that you are affecting your physical health, also. Aren't MS symptoms exacerbated by stress?

What happens to your mother if something happens to you?

And you have two siblings. What is the older one like? Are they doing anything to help you with your mother? Do they also think you are taking money from your mother?

What’s missing is what your mom feels about all this.

You have the right not to allow your sister in your home. If you have POA you can protect Mom from sister. Even if u don't, if sis calls your home, block her calls. Her emails ect. She would need to go to court for access to Mom and she doesn't have the money for that. And u should not give her any. Also, you should be spending Moms money on Mom.