Suggestions on dealing with toxic mom. I have POA and she is making me have anxiety attacks.

Use your POA to segue mom into Assisted Living or Memory Care AL where she'll get a much higher level of care and you can back off a bit from all the involvement. Leave her presence when the verbal abuse ramps up, too.....you'll be surprised at how fast she'll catch on to realizing her behavior is causing you distress. And if she'd like you to stay, she'll start treating you nicely. Dementia or no dementia, my mother heard that message loud and clear.

Also, get her doc on board to write her a prescription for an antidepressant and/or some calming meds to relax her. Wellbutrin and Ativan worked wonders for my mother and her histrionics.

Best of luck to you.

Are you actively acting as her POA? IS this something that requires you to be involved with mom on more than a monthly basis?

POA doesn't mean you're running someone's life. Honestly, my DH is his mom's POA and he hasn't done a SINGLE thing with his 'power'.

You can, with this 'power' move her to a higher level of care. And you can discuss her health conditions with her Drs. Maybe a good calming medication will make everyone involved a lot more pleasant to deal with.

If that doesn't work, then yes, you can 'award' somebody else with this job. Likely she'll be mad no matter WHAT you do.

I would suggest you read the book by Liz Scheier called Never Simple. This memoir is about her history of trying to help her mentally ill mother over decades, to no avail.

I agree with MJ, there is no reason you must serve as POA to your Mom. I would resign. To do so you will need legal help. Often Adult Protective Services can help you. Tell them you cannot handle this fiduciary duty anymore either physically or mentally and need to be relieved. The state will appoint a guardian in all likelihood.

I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in but it's unlikely you can help or change anything, and continuing to try may be forfeiting you own life and right to happiness.

Makeitstop, welcome!

Your profile says mom is in Independent Living and has dementia. Is it possible she requires a higher level of care?

Do you leave or hang up the phone when she becomes abusive? No one should have to endure abuse, verbal or otherwise.

Have you considered having her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for medication address her mood swings?

You are not required to be her POA. Tell her you don't want the responsibility and be prepared to walk away from her entirely if you need to.