She isn’t your mother-in-law yet. She’s your fiancé’s mom and she’s his responsibility.
I get that you want to be supportive, but what happens when you all get to Honolulu? She probably needs 24/7 care. Forget being part of that. It’s so difficult that I can’t even begin to explain all the reasons you should run to the ends of the earth to avoid it.
I don’t see any way she can be moved that far anyway. I suggest that you help fiancé find a care home for her on the mainland, preferably in Atlanta where she is now. Any move to Honolulu should have happened before she became so sick. It’s too late now.
How old is the mother? Does she have a Dementia. What is wrong with her now she needs care?
I would say this undertaking is impossible with someone with incontinence and especially if Dementia is involved. Its 5 hrs by plane to LA and thats not counting in layovers. Another 6 by plane to Hawaii. So your going to try and change this woman in a lavatory hardly big enough for one person. And it really is not fair to the other passengers if she has an accident. If Dementia is involved, its like dealing with a 2 yr old. They get very overwhelmed and do not do well in strange places. It may be better to move to Fla. But think good and hard if you want to take on this responsibility. Who will be doing the majority of the care. Your finance needs to realize this is his mother and he shares in the responsibilities. Marriages have broken up because the wife is expected to do it all for a MIL. Are u ready to give up your life for this woman?
Yes, please tell us more. What are her needs? Is the plan for her to move into a facility in Honolulu or to move in with you? (If the latter, have you thought through what that is going to mean?)
Your profile says that your finance's mom has become ill and you want to help with her care.
As Beatty says, in an emergency your first instict is to rush in to help, but you need to figure out first what makes the most sense for all parties involved.
Tell us a little more about her si; it will get you better advice.
Incontinent in terms of urine ? stools ? or both ?
I don't know your financial situation, but it seems like you might need : (1) a urinary catheter and catheter bags for the trip. (2) a potty of some sort, so she can defecate. (3) a means of rehydrating her. If she can eat, then you might need several rehydration salts and nutrition shakes. (4) if she cannot eat very well and depending on her mobility...then you might need a nurse to set-up an IV site and help with mobilizing her ...doing that whilst travelling...might be expensive. (5) several changes of underwear. Alcohol wipes are a wonder for quick cleaning and maintaining hygiene.
Despite all of this...it would probably still be advised to carry some sort of easily washable covering to place on the sear of the plane / car / train / boat whatever you use to travel.
As for how do you do this whilst travelling. I am not too familiar with how medical travel works. Sorry. But I am sure airlines must have a way.
I think you should break the trip up into steps. That way you can have a chance to rest, wash and restock on cleaning supplies...whilst your Mom can sit stationary for a while to rehydrate/ get some nutrition.
My suggestion would be to get her to the nearest coastal city to Honolulu first and then make the second trip after she is settled in for a bit.
I get the instinct to wrap someone up & bring home to you, but firstly - what's going on? What sort of medical attention or care does your MIL need right now?
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Why don’t you ask for tips in management of your loved one’s health without either of you moving?
What do you mean by helping your fiancé care for his mom? I certainly hope that means finding facility care for her.
I get that you want to be supportive, but what happens when you all get to Honolulu? She probably needs 24/7 care. Forget being part of that. It’s so difficult that I can’t even begin to explain all the reasons you should run to the ends of the earth to avoid it.
I don’t see any way she can be moved that far anyway. I suggest that you help fiancé find a care home for her on the mainland, preferably in Atlanta where she is now. Any move to Honolulu should have happened before she became so sick. It’s too late now.
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I would say this undertaking is impossible with someone with incontinence and especially if Dementia is involved. Its 5 hrs by plane to LA and thats not counting in layovers. Another 6 by plane to Hawaii. So your going to try and change this woman in a lavatory hardly big enough for one person. And it really is not fair to the other passengers if she has an accident. If Dementia is involved, its like dealing with a 2 yr old. They get very overwhelmed and do not do well in strange places. It may be better to move to Fla. But think good and hard if you want to take on this responsibility. Who will be doing the majority of the care. Your finance needs to realize this is his mother and he shares in the responsibilities. Marriages have broken up because the wife is expected to do it all for a MIL. Are u ready to give up your life for this woman?
Your profile says that your finance's mom has become ill and you want to help with her care.
As Beatty says, in an emergency your first instict is to rush in to help, but you need to figure out first what makes the most sense for all parties involved.
Tell us a little more about her si; it will get you better advice.
I don't know your financial situation, but it seems like you might need :
(1) a urinary catheter and catheter bags for the trip.
(2) a potty of some sort, so she can defecate.
(3) a means of rehydrating her. If she can eat, then you might need several rehydration salts and nutrition shakes.
(4) if she cannot eat very well and depending on her mobility...then you might need a nurse to set-up an IV site and help with mobilizing her ...doing that whilst travelling...might be expensive.
(5) several changes of underwear. Alcohol wipes are a wonder for quick cleaning and maintaining hygiene.
Despite all of this...it would probably still be advised to carry some sort of easily washable covering to place on the sear of the plane / car / train / boat whatever you use to travel.
As for how do you do this whilst travelling. I am not too familiar with how medical travel works. Sorry. But I am sure airlines must have a way.
I think you should break the trip up into steps. That way you can have a chance to rest, wash and restock on cleaning supplies...whilst your Mom can sit stationary for a while to rehydrate/ get some nutrition.
My suggestion would be to get her to the nearest coastal city to Honolulu first and then make the second trip after she is settled in for a bit.
Best of luck.
I hope this helps.
I get the instinct to wrap someone up & bring home to you, but firstly - what's going on?
What sort of medical attention or care does your MIL need right now?