I am not sure what to think, I am being too judgemental about my mother?

Dying is truly tough work. Mom won't always be in a good mood and she may be angry, in pain, exhausted and sleeping, at any given moment. She may also be experiencing hypersensitivity to sound, nor uncommon esp after cancer treatments. That makes any sudden sound almost excruciating.

Just remember to be quiet as you are able to remember to be, and do ask Mom when she needs alone time. People automatically think they must sit vigil at the bedside of the dying. Many private introverted people prefer a lot of alone time.

Ask Mom if you should leave, and when she would like you to return. Tell her you want now what keeps her most comfortable.

((((((((Dear soul))))) This has to be so hard on both you and your mum. She is going through so much and so are you in a different way. You will have emotions of various sorts. That's normal in the circumstances.

It's how you act on them that matters to your mum and others. Experiencing them is hard on you, You are not wrong to feel any emotions. They come and they go. Just let them flow. If you need some time to yourself to go through them, that's ok.

Be present with your mum as you can and support her in her journey. Are they offering her any treatment? Look after yourself in all of this.

Mom may be feeling extra sensitive to noise right now, in her condition and with the pain meds she's taking which can ramp up her startle reflex. Earplugs may help her deal with the noise sensitivity, they do for me.

Fear masquerades as anger many times, I've noticed. I'm sure you're feeling a wide variety of emotions watching your mom struggling with cancer, unable to eat, and now on a feeding tube. She herself must be struggling with fear and worry as well. Definitely a worrisome situation you're both facing, and you have my condolences.

I don't think you're necessarily wrong to feel any emotions that crop up in your mind.....emotions are harmless unless we act on them in a negative way. You don't say what moms prognosis is? I have a cousin who's husband made a full recovery from esophageal cancer over 20 years ago and he's doing fine to this day. I'm sure his road to recovery was no cake walk.....nor will your moms be either. Allow yourselves some Grace and forgiveness as you travel this road together, allowing prayer, love and hope to guide you.

Wishing both of you the best of luck.

You aren’t wrong to have your feelings but anger won’t do your sweet spirit any good.
You are there to be a comfort.
You are there.
She is so secure in your being there that she feels free to instruct you.
That’s a beautiful thing.
You are there.
Happiness is having a daughter who is there.

I once was in so much pain that the sight of a hot pink blouse offended me from an open closet door. The open closet door was offensive. When I had a visitor I asked him to close that door.
I have never forgotten that blouse and how offensive it was. This about 40 years ago. I’ve never forgotten that visitor either.

Thank you all

I'm guessing you're spending time with your mother because you want to spend as much time as you can before she leaves this world for the next right?
So put your angry feelings aside and just enjoy whatever time you have left with her.
And perhaps your anger is really stemming from the fact that your mother is sick with cancer and there's nothing you can do to stop it or help it.
That is understandable and part of the grieving process. So just be there for her and don't let the petty little things get to you.
God bless you and your mother.

Maybe foam ear plugs for her if she's really upset about noise right now. There are also noise-canceling headphones. I had some that I used to wear on planes for overnight flights; they allowed me to sleep.

Also, you can leave. You might not want to, but if she's on drugs and out of it, there's not much reason to be there. I have done the 12-hour hospital stints with sick elder relatives, and I don't feel there is any sainthood conferred by any deity for sitting there and watching them breathe. It wasn't of that much comfort to them, and it was a major stressor for me due to not eating or sleeping regularly myself.

My limit now is 4 hours on the hospital watch. You might give that consideration. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you and your mom.

You all are wonderful, this is a great place!

Thank you for asking She wasn't a candidate for surgery after all even though they said she was.

She was so weak and couldn't handle chemo it sent her to the hospital for 2 weeks. Then they started radiation and she was getting the dry heaves non stop

The doctors said she didn't need a feeding tube even though she was wasting away

She finally got one and had a drip with calories this morning, it is like night and day.

Why don't they do these things sooner?
Either way I am so happy she is doing better, even after 1 day!

I wouldn’t take her comment to heart. I am sure that it hurt your feelings or perhaps it seemed out of character for her and it was surprising to you.

Your mom is going through an awful lot. She’s bound to have moments where she is tired, stressed and certain noises will be bothersome for her.

I am sure that she appreciates your visits. Please know that she loves you, but she may not be able to show it at this point in time.

I am sorry that your mom has cancer. Wishing you peace as you continue to care for your mom.

I agree with Fawnby about leaving. Keep visits short and sweet.