Was I wrong to take the keys?

Mom shouldn't be driving either, I'd say, so yes, you were right to take the keys. I'd also find a way to disable the car, because copies of keys are easy to get. (Pull the spark plug wires, for example. That isn't as easy to diagnose as disconnecting the battery.)

Do you have power of attorney for them? If so, I'd get the car off their property entirely -- out of sight, out of mind.

Don't cave on this. You'd hate for one of them to not only lose their assets but for one of them to kill someone or each other.

You are not wrong, and it may be time to get them more help.

Unfortunately it sounds like mom is either not strong enough to stand up to dad or is under the misconception that dad is still ok to drive and is willing to act as his partner in crime and facilitate his access. Either way - that's a dangerous combination and I think you did the right thing.

That being said, as Fawnby said, if they were managing their day-to-day by driving themselves places - they will need to backfill that somehow- whether that is with grocery deliveries and scheduled rides (uber, senior rides, friends, church volunteers, you if you have time, etc) planned activities, etc or however that can be managed - OR if that means it is time to consider a move to an AL where they will have additional assistance.

What is the saying? The hard part is over, now the hard part begins...

Yes, hold your ground and don't give the keys back. It doesn't matter if they lose all of their assets or not, it will be the people who are killed and the families that are left with a loss that could have been prevented whose lives have been forever changed that is a greater tragedy.

You do need to figure a way for them to have the independence they desire. On the other hand, it might be time to consider moving them to a facility that can take care of them, yet allow their independence.

I think you dodged a huge bullet when you took the keys away from them. Congratulations and good job!

Took an accident, a miracle that the only injury was bruising and a totaled car to get an elder in my world to give up driving. I don’t recommend that method. That said, they need a doable solution to run errands.

You need to take the car, not just the keys. The loss of their assets should not be the focus, the damage they could do to someone else's life should be. What I found is that having the car sitting there, as a reminder of what they cannot do anymore has no positive effects and lots of negative ones. Once the care became out of sight, it was also out of mind (although I will admit not as much as I would like it to be!). Do you expect their condition to improve? Do you expect your mom's abilities to get better? If not, get rid of the car. If you don't have the authority to sell it then at least move it so they don't see it constantly.

Refuse to give the keys back.Please, you know all of the whys.Offer to take them wherever they need to go.

Also, I can't imagine looking over and seeing your dad driving in the other lane. 😻. Gotta laugh at this stuff or we'll go insane!

When we had this with my BIL the neurologist suggested that he take a driving test that they give people with dementia. Its expensive but it would help your father understand what he has going on with him. With my BIL it was during covid so we kept telling him that the appointments are scheduled out 3 months and with him his short term memory is gone so he would just forget about it.

I had to sell his vehicle to get him into a NH with memory care because I had to spend down his finances to get him onto Medicaid. We still tell him he has his vehicle and its out at his sister in law's. His driver's license has been expired now for 3yrs.

You can't trust your parents especially if both of them show decline you did the right thing.

Prayers

My mom was very angry when doc said you have dementia and should not be driving. She hadn't even realized that I'd already taken her keys from her purse and the spare set from the key rack. It was winter and she didn't want to drive in icy conditions, etc. She brought it up many, many times, but it just falls on deaf ears. I can't let her drive, knowing she could kill someone. Nope.