I am a home CNA specializing in dementia and I have a neighbor/friend I have been caring for for 6 years since his wife passed and with no help from family.

Didn't he have any other friends who might know where he is now?

Could you write to him at his home address where you took care of him? It may be forwarded to his present address, if his other mail from the post office is being forwarded to him there. Tell him that you're looking for him and include your contact information. Include a note for his caregivers at his present location and ask them to contact you if he cannot.

The problem with this plan is that his mail may not be forwarded to him personally but to his son instead. But it might be worth a try.

If you're going in and out of his home, do you have permission to do that? You should not put yourself in the situation of being considered a trespasser. There could be legal problems.

"He needs me and has called and asked me.to come keep.my.promise."

If he is calling you, did you ask him where he is? Ask him to pass the phone to someone who can give you the information?

There is no way the son swooped in for the money. His fathers care needs to be paid with the funds he has before Medicaid will step in. If the son used any of Dads money for himself, Medicaid considers that a gift and will penalize Dad.

If you promised anything, you should not have because you had no authority to do so. The neighbor had to be deemed 24/7 care to be placed in Long-term care. If he had Dementia, he needed to be where he could be cared for 24/7.

I am surprised the son is not taking care of the house. At least putting it up for sale. He also should be dealing with the animals. I may contact him and ask what is he going to do about the upkeep on the house and the animals. In my Township a lien is put on the house every time they have to come in and mow grass on an abandoned property. Also, those animals were abandoned unless son made an agreement with u to feed them. Me, I wouldn't do it for free. There are fines for abandoning animals.

How can u find your neighbor? I would think he is near the son. Start calling every NH and Assisted living/memorycare in that area. Do not ask if a person is there, act like you know they are and ask for their room number so u can send a card. If he is there, you get the room#, if not just say you must have called the wrong NH.

How would putting Dad in a facility get the son money? He's either paying a small fortune for care or has no money and qualifies for Medicaid.

Call Animal Control regarding the animals, and then move on with your life. This is not your problem, nor is it your business unless you have PoA. From what you've described he needs to be in a facility.

The house & yard shouldn't matter, but the pets definitely do. If he isn't coming back and you have to stop going over there in the future, please please make sure the pets are rescued by an Animal Rescue Organization/Animal Control.

I hope you find your friend. Am sorry this is happening to you.
You obviously have a very kind heart. The world needs more people like you in it.

If it was me, I'd stop by the local Nursing Homes, etc and act very confident - and say "Hi, I'm here to visit (insert name) and smile. You might get lucky. I wouldn't ask if he was there because they are not allowed to tell you. But, if you pretend like you know for sure he's there - you may get lucky and find him that way.

If you were not your friend's PoA or guardian or even kin, then you have no legal ability or right to find him. Is there a reason you cannot speak with the son and explain that you simply wish to visit your friend and comfort him? Maybe the son is suspicious of your motives, as you made an assumption about his. Also, maybe you have no idea about their backstory (neglect? abuse? etc). Your best chance is to talk to the son.

NovaGal, I am sorry that in 6 years you did not form any personal relationship with the son involved with this gentleman, but you took on the care of a neighbor for some time under circumstances that were beyond your legal rights to do so. This gentleman was apparently so advanced in dementia that he is unable to call you and let you know where he is at present.

This is now out of your hands. If you cannot gently ask the son to pass on a loving note to his father, then I am afraid at present this is no longer your business and there is little that you can do.

I wish you the best. Please don't put personal information about others or yourself in any postings on AC. The endangers people.

Admin?