Preparing for a family meeting. Am I required to answer these questions?

First, did you see the lawyer on Tuesday? I so hope you got your answers. This is also something you could have asked the lawyer.

Having POA does not mean you care for someone physically. Also, if Mom can make her own decisions, its really not in effect.

You should be asking the question "Is she 24/7 care" if so, you are not in the position to give that care. To hire aides would be expensive and complicated. If sent home will she need special equipment, is her home one floor or two. If two, where's the full bathroom? If upstairs, can she maneuver the stairs. Will she need any kind of help. But if she is 24/7 care, then you as the POA need to decide where she is going. If she has money, maybe assisted living. If no money, than Long-term care on Medicaid. And as POA you make those decisions. If a family member volunteers, than they should not be out of pocket. If Mom has money, you compensate them with a contract. An elder lawyer can help with this.

 "Do you assume responsiblity for your mother once she is discharged." Of course u personally say No, your not in the position to do so. Once you or anyone walks her out of that facility, they are responsible to make sure she is cared for and safe. Don't believe them when they say they will try to get u help. Once you walk her out, you are pretty much on your own.

You need to use those words "safe discharge". Rehab is responsible for making sure that the person has what is needed to be safe in their home. If the patient needs 24/7 care, if the LTC is atrached to the rehab, very easy to transfer from one to the other. Just beware that you will be asked to turn over Social Security and any pension the person receives to offset their care if Medicaid is going to be involved. The facility can help you maneuver Medicaid but there is a timeline to have all info Medicaid requests to them. In my State 90days from date of application. If not done, u start all over. So, be aware who the Medicaid caseworker is and I suggest you send all info needed to them via email.

Good Luck

Living over 600 miles away would certainly explain why a person would not feel comfortable answering "yes" to the question. But it doesn't at all explain why you don't feel comfortable giving an honest answer to it; and an honest, open discussion of the practical realities is what is required from this meeting.

Seriously, be glad that you are getting to put your views on record. Yesterday evening I spoke to a daughter whose mother had agreed to four weeks in respite care, but then assured the hospital discharge team that all was prepared for her going home and duly went home - to the family's less than delighted surprise. The key thing is for everyone to know where everyone stands. And please don't accept responsibility for a situation you're not in a position to control.

When my brother had his first heart attack he wanted to come home. I told the nurse no he cannot come home he needs more care. My brother cussed me out in the hospital telling me that was his home. I dismissed myself and said to the nurse - I am not taking him. The next day my brother had a friend drop him off at home and he went to his room. Later that same day he called the paramedics because he was having chest pains. As the paramedics took him away he ignored me as I asked which hospital they were taking him to. After the second stay he did agree to a rehab place. After two weeks, he did come home, via a friend and he was good from then on. So you can say NO! to taking on the care of someone.

You answer honestly: Your answer would be "No, I do not assume responsibility for my mother's daily care; I live 600 miles away".

It is the goal of discharge planning meetings to ascertain if the person who will be discharged will be safe at home. THEY are legally liable for a "safe discharge" and cannot discharge someone home alone if they believe them unsafe when alone.
If this person is adjudged as incompetent in their safety at home alone, then the question is WHO will be responsible to have daily care available and safety measures in place.

If you do not understand the legalities of a question then ask for them to elaborate upon the meaning of "assuming responsibility for care" OR tell them you don't understand the legalities of such a question.

Can you tell us a bit more about the competency of the loved one leaving rehab?

"Define Assume Responsibility"

"Why would my mother need anyone to assume responsibility for her if she is fully rehabilitated by your facility?"

"Upon discharge, if my mother is not able to live on her own and take care of herself, she is an unsafe discharge to her home. And we will need to discuss other living arrangements. I do not live in the same city and I will not be able to remain in the city to care for her indefinitely, so if you are suggesting that she will not be able to return home on her own recognizance then the process needs to start to find other accommodations".

"No" (that's a complete sentence)

Are you the invoked POA? Where did she come from to get to the hospital or rehab? That is where she should be returning. If home, and she cannot return there - they should be helping to find alternative options and the Social Worker should already be assigned to get the wheels turning. If she was in ALF, and cannot return to that level of care, hopefully her facility has step up and can move her to the next level of care fairly easily.

But you do not have to commit to physically being the one to providing care yourself even if you are the POA. You are only responsible for ensuring that it occurs.

Tell them that you can not assume responsibility for her. The more you pussyfoot around the more they will try to manipulate you into being the solution.

Honesty is a powerful tool, use it and don't play games with this.

Mom is either well enough to go home alone or she needs their help finding a facility that meets her care needs. Period!

"In a previous one, my family members were asked at the end "Do you assume responsibility for your mother once she is discharged."

And what did your family members answer at that meeting?

"Are you suggesting that mom is unable to assume responsibility for her OWN care once she's discharged? Because if that's the case, I think we need to weigh other options besides mom aging in place at home."

"Assume responsibility" is awfully big, vague terminology. Did any of your family members who were asked if they would assume responsibility get clarification as to what responsibilities the care staff was referring? There's a big difference between giving an occasional ride to a doctor or going grocery shopping and giving 24-hour hands-on care.

Funky GM is right. No sense in not being honest about what you can do. And quite frankly, if you live over 600 miles away, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable answering this question with a firm "No." Because at over 600 miles away, there is really no way you CAN assume responsibility for hand-on care.

No, of COURSE you don't assume responsibility for their aftercare.

I guess I don't understand why you all just can't be honest and answer the question "Do you assume responsibility for your mother once she is discharged" with a NO.
What good does beating around the bush do? If everyone says no, then the social worker will have to assist you in finding placement for your mother.
It will be a win win for all involved.