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Olive1963 Asked June 2023

My sister is POA, since March 2022 they have tried to stop my visits. The facility will not allow me there. What can I do?

Jada824 Oct 2023
The POA is supposed to act in mom’s best interest. Contact your local ombudsman……..that’s the way I got to see my mom when my sibling was blocking me

Grandma1954 Jun 2023
A bit more info might help.
In another question you asked what is APS. Is your sister telling you that if you try to visit they will contact APS?
If your visits upset mom the POA can prohibit visits.
If you upset mom or other residents when you did go there then the facility has a valid reason for not allowing you to visit. And they are following the mandate of the POA.
If you think that sister is keeping you from visiting for no reason you could attempt to obtain Guardianship but this is an expensive process and not one to take on lightly. And if your sister is doing everything properly I doubt that you would get Guardianship.
What you can do is try to mend the rift that caused this. Ask if you can have monitored visits. this could be with your sister present or some other person that is neutral.

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JoAnn29 Jun 2023
This is a question asked often on this forum. IMO POA does not give the assigned person the right to block someone from seeing the principle without just cause.

Do you undermind the POA in anyway. Like telling ur LO that the POA should not be doing this or that? Are you questioning the POA about how they are handling things? Are you bothering staff about this or that. If so, this is not your right. They answer to ur LO or the POA. If you have a question about something, then you bring it to the POAs attn.

If this is just being vindictive on the assigns part, IMO, this does not give the assigned the right to cut off your visitation. The person is LOs representative and does what LO would want. If LO wants to see you, the assigned needs to allow it.

Geaton777 Jun 2023
I agree with other responses that there is a compelling reason why you are being blocked -- and you're only giving us one side of the story. Most of the time it is because the blocked party is interfering with the care that the PoA is attempting to put into place. Often this is due to the blocked party not fully understanding the degree of need or type of help that the LO requires and is therefore convinced they have a legitimate reason to run interference. Sometimes it is because the LO has expressed desperation or dismay and wants to be "rescued". You should know that if your LO has cognitive decline and memory impairment, they very likely are not telling you an accurate story of what's going on and why. Many people have fears of facilities that are not fair or accurate. Sometimes blocked parties are reacting to a "promise" to never put their LO in a facility.

I'm sorry for the dismay that this situation is causing for you but I agree with MJ1929 that if you're not the PoA your only recourse is to pursue guardianship, which will cost you a lot of money and if you don't have a compelling case you will still lose. May you receive wisdom so that you don't worsen the relationship with your sister, and gain peace in your heart at her solution for your LO.

MargaretMcKen Jun 2023
Olive, before you get too far into this, try to work out the reason for the POA’s views.

1) Do your visits upset your mother? Do you get her agitated about your sister? Do you have a past relationship with mother that hasn’t been good? Any of these things may justify your sister’s decision, particularly if the facility has been able to see poor results after previous visits. There is no point in trying for legal intervention if this is what will come up.

2) Are you concerned that your sister is managing to exploit your mother, get gifts from her, get her to change her will, or anything along those lines. If that’s the issue, what has she told the facility to justify her actions? See if you can find out, perhaps by making an appointment to talk it through with the facility manager. At the same time, make sure that the facility has actually seen the POA document. They really ought to have a photocopy. Sometimes they don’t exist!

3) It’s probable that you don’t get on well with your sister, and after all your mother chose her, not you, to be POA. Is there any way that you can improve this relationship first. A joint meeting with a counselor, or with a family member that you both trust, could be a big help. Be willing to offer compromises – a visit with someone else present, or time limited, or only once a fortnight, might go down better than just demanding that the prohibition stops altogether.

Think about this as something similar to contested visits with a child from the non-custodial parent (something I know about from personal experience). Don’t go in with all guns blazing, pushing ‘your rights’. That may be how you feel, but it is not likely to help you or your mother. Best wishes, Margaret

MJ1929 Jun 2023
The POA has the power.

Why you aren't welcome to visit? Does Sis think you cause trouble or upset Mom?

If you think your sister is not looking out for your mom's best interests, then contact a lawyer and go for a guardianship for your mom.

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