Husband is 77 and had been in a nursing home for over 6 yrs. He demanded to come home and have wife (75) care for him. After being home 8 months, in and out of the hospital monthly for one thing or another, usually pulling his tubes out and developing infections, she is at her wits end. He refuses to go to rehab or nursing home. He seems to fall on a regular basis, her having to call 911 to help him up or take him to the hospital. She has to cook and clean for him, take care of all the medications, dr. appointments, never ending phone calls, bills, list goes on and on. He is constantly complaining about everything, says she is keeping things from him, and doesn't take care of him. On top of that, she has to take care of her grandson who is mentally disabled and now 18 and she has been taking care of him for the last 16 years. She is just ready to walk out unless he changes his attitude, and shows some appreciation for her. They have been married for over 50 years. She needs a break and he refuses to give her one. Can she get power of attorney to force him into a rehab or nursing home so she can get some rest?
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The grandson. She needs to find him a group home where he can be cared for. Also, he will have socialization. At 75 she has no idea how her own health will be or if she may die. Then who will care for the GS. At 18 he is considered emancipated. She will need to obtain guardianship over him. If he is not already receiving it, he can get Social Security Disability which will give him Medicare and Medicaid.
As for the husband, she will have to emancipate herself. We all have physical and emotional limitations, and we need to respect those. She has hit her limits and exceeded them. She can be a better friend to her husband if she doesn't have to be his full time slave. He may not understand it, but everyone wins if he goes back into care.
It's a sad situation all the way around. I just hate that she allowed him to talk her into bringing him home in the first place. She should have left well enough alone.
So next time he has to go to the hospital, his wife needs to be strong and let them know that he CANNOT return home as she can no longer care for him and they will HAVE TO find placement for him.
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Her second mistake is if she doesn’t walk out.
It is GIVEN.
The husband would have to ask the wife to be his POA. How likely is that when she will end putting him back in care, where he doesn't wish to be.
If doctors will testify that husband is incompetent to make his own decisions, then the wife can be his guardian and can put him in care again.
More than likely, however, doctors won't testify that he is incompetent to make his own decisions. Therefore the wife should see a divorce attorney, file for division of assets, and either separate legally or divorce said husband.
1. She is 75 yrs old. She should start looking for a facility for her grandson while she still has the capacity to do it.
2. I agree with another poster who suggested that the next time the husband falls and goes to the ER that she tell the social worker he cannot come back home because it's not safe and there is no one who can care for him.
At some point you have to reach for the oxygen mask for yourself.
Husband needs to be in a care facility whether he likes it or not.
Is the wife afraid he will "mad at her? ". Yes, he probably will be, but given his lack of respect and concern for his wife's health and well-being, it!'s likely the home situation is not a bed of roses as it is now.
The thought of a group home for the disabled grandson is also worth investigating.
All I can think she could do is tell the social worker at the hospital that she cannot care for him on release from the hospital to force him into a nursing home, but if he's of sound mind, I don't think she can keep him from going home.
She needs a lawyer.
I do not understand WHY after 6 years in a facility he would have been brought home. If she could not care for him when she was 69 and probably in better health, younger, stronger what would make her thi8ng=k she could do it now?
If he has been diagnosed with dementia and is unable to make decisions for himself based on the diagnosis he can be placed in Memory Care or if necessary Skilled Nursing.
If he does have dementia her expecting him to change, show appreciation it is not going to happen.
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