My father has Alzheimer's and I need to track him without offending.

I used to care for an elderly couple, the man had Alzheimers and was a wanderer. His daughter insisted they "age in place" at home which they wanted to do, of course. One night, Jim wandered out late at night, fell in the street and hit his head on the pavement. When he was found and 911 was called, he lived another 12 hours before dying of a subdural hematoma to the skull. Had the daughter had a tracking device, Jim still would've hit his head and died that night, unfortunately.


AD is serious. A tracking device is not what's needed here, or the worry about offending dad. Memory Care Assisted Living is a safe place for him to live where dad won't wind up like Jim. Better for him to get mad than to die. Look into MC for dad with attached AL for mom if she has no dementia going on.

the only issue about the air tag is that it has to connect via Bluetooth so if it doesn’t connect to someone’s Wi-Fi, it won’t be helpful. I do think it’s worth a try though

My LO and I wear Apple smartwatches. They are paired with each other and our other Apple devices, such as my iMac. There's a Find My feature on all of them. Push the screen logo and the location of my LO's smartwatch appears on my smart watch and computer screen, and vice versa. We can talk into our watches and have contact. Any time I'm concerned, I can locate him.

The smartwatch has many kinds of bands, but my LO's band is expandable soft material, maybe silicone. It's very comfortable. All he has to do is pull it on in the morning, no clasp. The watch can be worn swimming or showering. It also has a feature that links to emergency services. An alarm alerts them if the person wearing it has had a hard fall, and a real person alerts both of us and inquires if the wearer is okay. This could be a life saver.

"Oh, but I don't know how to use one of those, I'm not tech savvy, blah blah blah."

If you're a caregiver, you need to get tech savvy. No excuses! It will make your job so much easier. We didn't choose this caregiving ad infinitum gig, but now that we have it, we'd better do it well.

I'm taking care of my fourth family dementia patient. I wish I'd had these smart devices when I was a newbie.

I agree with so many others here. Dad is now in danger. It is no longer a matter of what he "wants" and of "not offending". It is a matter of his OWN, and his wife's safety. I think you need soon to consider the hard talks about placement. I am so sorry.

Is your mom really 88? You seem upset that she isn't any help but, she may not be able to at 88, especially since she has her own health issues.

I would recommend getting BOTH of them a needs assessment and plan from there. Your local area on aging/ council on aging can arrange these for you.

My granny was a wanderer and it was dangerous for her to be alone. She even fled the NH in her wheelchair and she had an ankle bracelet tracker on. It was fortunate that she didn't end up on a busy street.

I am so sorry for you. This is a very challenging situation for adult children to deal with. You are going to find out how much you didn't know you didn't know about illness and aging. Hang on!

Wandering by an Alz patient is a major, major trigger for more drastic action. Like MAYDAY, my wife was a wanderer to the extent I, too, had to get the local police and fire dept involved to look for her. One cold, snowy winter morning she left the house at 2 AM. I found her by following her footsteps in the snow. I purchased a double keyed lock for front door. That didn’t deter her… she went out thru the window. Alz patients are very vulnerable when they’re out alone. Apple tags and GPS monitors might seem like a good idea, but they’re AFTER the fact. How do you PREVENT wandering? I turned my house into a Fort Knox, which may have prevented her from wandering, but made the house unsafe for both of us.

Your profile says your mom has a number of health issues and she’s not able to properly care him or doesn't want to. Others have suggested a care facility, and although you may think it’s too early for that, it’s not too early to prepare for the inevitable.

Here I did it again... I am parroting what others have said.. I guess I should read prior comments before submitting my opinion...
But we are in agreement... AND MOM DOES NOT NEED TO HAVE THAT STRESS ON HER... WHERE IS HE NOW?
Go do your homework.. check out facilities nearby mom.. take mom with you and do a tour... Have someone watch dad while you do this.. or take dad with you.. In most cases,, denial will work itself into the fraction..
Tell dad, if he wonders off againn and cannot "follow" the rules.. then he will need to be in a new place, with lots of friends to meet, and activities.. and make it sound fun. My friend did that.. Dad loved it.. he played piano and enjoyed he new friends..

So, now it is a matter of SAFETY... SAFETY is the KEY..
Honestly....
MY SIL called me one morning, around 8:00 am saying my brother took her wallet, and wondered off..... What? You are worried about your wallet? WHAT ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND, MY BROTHER...? The only reason she called was because he grabbed her wallet and wondered off.... She went to work without her wallet, and without reporting to anybody..
I printed up a picture of him, copies.. went by the park near their house, and I was looking for him.... He had a gotten a rare form of brain disease? Early onset ALZ..?
He was diagnosed with Aphasia. So he lost his job, (tugboat captain), lost his independence.. :(
I found a couple in the park and asked if they had seen him. I gave them a picture with wife's phone number contact information...
When I left, they actually found a police officer parked and told them about the missing person.. my brother.....
All she said to me is they called her and searched her house..she had to leave work... what an inconvenience. (that's how I remember it) my oldest brother said wife was not happy that I called the police. I did not... the couple did... and why wouldn't you call the police? The WALLET IS GONE MISSING... WHAT? THAT WAS WHAT SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT????? It seemed like it to me..
The police informed her she doesn't have to wait 24 hours to claim someone missing who is clinically impaired (?) Gosh, I don't know the right terminology for it now... sorry about that...
She was bothered I called it in... really.....
going forward... the police were in search of him..helicopters. I had my child 10 years old and her friend helping me search another park he walked.. larger more places to get lost...
later afternoon, the police did find him .... walking.... He lost his way apparently... They stopped and asked if he wanted a ride.. He was tired and thirsty... walking for hours....

Point is, Dad wonders... It is SAFETY concerns... Anything can happen... sadly.... I hear it more often than not on the news...

Maybe a medic bracelet with GPS? He cannot take it off? That may drive him more nuts...
How far away do they live from you? If mom cannot handle him... get him into adult daycare? If they are still around...
Point is, he may need more help than your mom can provide him to keep him safe. She should not have to worry about where he wondered off... He could walk and get into trouble... That's not fun to think about...
Please do think about his safety.. Yes, he may have a GPS...but think if he walks in the wrong direction at the wrong time...
My brother did that... He would walk out into the street. I don't know if he walked with a walk sign displayed... Things can happen in a split second with ALZ...
GPS might locate him... but is he SAFE.... Did he cross at the wrong time..
What if....
I am sorry, that phone call from my SIL still resonates.. It has been a few years...
Get mom help to help your dad... She needs someone to help in the day time..
Sundowners.. If that happens he may want to wonder about at dusk.. If he trips or falls, yes,, you can find him.... hopefully he is not injured...

Prayers are with you.. This is no fun...

Apple AirTags are great! My daughter has one on her dog’s collar.

The best solution is finding placement for your dad to keep him safe.

Best wishes to you and your dad.

I would not worry about offending him, you need to keep him safe. Apple air tags are a good option if you live in a populated area. They don't have GPS so rely on nearby devices giving you location. There are specific devices with GPS which would provide better tracking but many require a monthly subscription and are larger so you can't "hide" it from him.

Personally, I would have a conversation with him and agree a solution that will work. If he is offended, it is because he doesn't/can't accept that he needs some help. I would think he would be more offended if you did something secretive or did nothing and something serious happened.

I think offending him should be the last concern you should be having.
Keeping him safe (and mom safe) should be your priority.
Why is "mom no help"? If she is unable to manage keeping him at home then she either needs caregivers to help her or he should be placed in Memory Care where he will be safe and monitored.
An Adult Day program might help several days a week if one is available in their area.
Unfortunately this may be a case where he may wander off and either become a victim or he may cause an accident that will surely ruin many lives.
Do not worry about offending him. If he has a diagnosis of dementia it is your/your mom's responsibility to ensure his safety (as well as the safety of others)