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Tajann Asked June 2023

Mom was placed in an assisted living facility for 30 days, 800 miles away, after that she has no funds. What options does she have?

My mom was living with my sister and the situation became very dysfunctional, my mom ended up in the ED with elevated BP and then wanted out of the home. Sister also did not want her there after living with her 5 months and was going to drive 13 hours and drop her off at my home. I was able to contact am assisted living facility for her to go to for 30 days but she will need to be placed in a different facility as she will be out of money. She wants to move back close to me but I cannot have her move in. I am also not her POA. Any suggestions?

Isthisrealyreal Jun 2023
Tajan, I would recommend a board and care home if she can not stay where she is. Medicaid will become part of the equation and she might get faster help if nobody steps in for her. Think about all of the logistics of moving her closer to you, not an easy move and she may not do any better, hopefully she will and the next 30 days will help you a lot.

Best of luck finding a solution for her care needs.

Tajann Jun 2023
Mom does not have a POA. In January, post rehab (knee replacement) discharge, mom thought it would be best to go live with my older sister since she lives in warmer climate, no stairs etc.plus my sister could use the financial help. Her and my mom have not been getting along and my sister has not been on top of her medications (history of mental illness). There was a sudden death (suicide) in the family and this has triggered a great deal of emotions and anger/blaming and another decline in my moms mental well-being. So now sister doesn't want mom there and mom does not want to stay there as she doesn't feel safe. Which is why I had to call an ALF to come take her out of the house and put her somewhere safe. Without going into details, I found out recently that mom had not been getting in shower due to fear of falling. Sister did nothing about it. Before calling ALF mom called me crying that her BP was elevated and sister was screaming in her face. Her BP was 179/120. I told mom to call 911. Then sister called me asking what was going on, what?! You are blaming your mother for the death of her grandson and she was hiding in her bedroom and didn't want you to take her. My sister told the director at ALF that this was my doing and she wanted nothing more to do with it and to contact me moving forward.

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AlvaDeer Jun 2023
Simply tell your Mom that you will not be having her live with you. Ask her to speak with her ALF to see if they accept Medicaid. If her funds are gone she will need to find placement somewhere that will accept Medicaid payment; most ALF don't, but some do. Mom may need help applying for Medicaid. This will have to be done by social workers. I would not speak to facility. Do not take on the burden of guardianship of POA. Refer calls to the sister who was last caring for Mom in her residence, which is in fact your mom's residence now, as well.

This should be discussed between your Mom, the facility, and whomever IS her POA if she has one, or by whomever has her records, and etc (I assume the sister). If you do not wish to be POA I would not intervene in these choices in any way lest you get roped into something; that will just end in confusion.

If sister tells you again that she will drive your mother to your house tell her that you will report her for elder abuse to APS, and will allow the law to deal with her. Your sister well may be unwilling to have your mother back into her home, but that is where she took her, and she cannot simply take care of her problems NOW by putting your Mother on your doorstep. Her residence, has, in fact, become your mother's residence. If she wishes to evict her from her home she will have to do it legally.

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