Letter of competence?

A letter of competence.

My FIL has one of those. I could show it to you. It's not worth the paper it's printed on. It says all the right things. It has the official letterhead of a board certified physician. It is signed by his Primary doctor of many years. It's all nice and legal on paper. Nothing shady, it's not a forgery or a fake. It is a legitimate letter from his physician.

It's just not true. No cognitive assessment was ever completed. No questions were ever asked - of my FIL or of his family as to his mental state, his memory, his ability to take care of himself, his ability to make decisions. He literally just called his doctor's office up one day and told him that he needed a letter from his doctor stating that he was competent and that he had capacity and his cognition was still good. His doctor put one together lickety-split and dropped a copy in his portal and put the official one in the mail - overnight. FIL provided it to the requestor and all was right with the world.

Except....it's not. He's in the midst of being diagnosed with dementia. He is completely incapable of taking care of himself if someone else doesn't do 95% of it for him. He makes incredibly poor decisions. Someone constantly has to get in his way to ensure that he doesn't fall for scams or he would lose his money to every pretty face or fast or smooth talker that wants to offer him the chance for some free money.

So...do you want a letter of competence?Or do you want a real cognitive assessment by a geriatric psychiatrist who can tell you the honest truth one way or the other? Because a true assessment may indeed tell you that your mother is very able to make her own decisions. Or it may tell you that your mother is much more dependent on your brother than just for groceries and a few errands.

My FIL, who just recently moved to a nursing home, would tell you that before he moved, he was independent. That would be because he paid the bills. But independent is a flat out lie. Co-dependent - that would be closer to the truth. He was COMPLETELY dependent on my SIL and BIL for his every need, except monetarily. He didn't eat if they didn't bring him food. He didn't see a doctor if they didn't take him. He could barely get himself to the bathroom. Water miraculously appeared in his cup, Medication miraculously appeared in his hand. He was "independent" and "fully capable of taking care of himself" and making his own (horrendous) choices, but not capable of getting himself out of his own messes.

But he had that letter of competence, by God. He had "perfect cognition" according to his doctor. His new doctor...begs to differ. Like REALLY begs to differ.

So make sure you know what it is you really want. Some one will almost always give you what it is you ask for.

I know u don't live close but you need to get POA. Its a tool u will need. Make sure its immediate. This way no doctor saying she is incompetent will be needed. Your brother considers a POA as a control that is not what it is. Actually, I think his prison record may make it impossible to get POA if the lawyer is aware of it. And his not working doesn't look good, nor Mom supporting him.

Does Mom feel if she sells the house ur brother is entitled to his inheritance? He is not entitled to his inheritance until Mom passes. I so hope your are keeping a record of the payments ur making. If it were me, I would be on that deed as half owner or owner. If Medicaid gets involved you can always sell it for her care. In the meantime, her home is protected. Even if hevwas POA he could not sell without your permission. It would end up as a forced sale and that will probably take time and money ur brother does not have.

I would take Mom to an elder lawyer and get DPOA and a Medical directive. Even if immediate Mom can still make her own decisions but your there when you need to be. She also needs to understand that she owes ur brother nothing. Actually, he owes her for allowing him to live on her property rent free and feeding him.

"The others in my family want me to take care of everything including making sure my brother that lives there isn’t taking advantage of my mom. There have been some red flags lately and he has anger issues."

Inform your other family members that your brother IS taking advantage of your mother, and it is called elder abuse. He therefore, should not be POA.

Tell them that you are not qualified to become POA or take over her affairs in any way to protect her.

Call APS to get them on the case to at least obtain a competent POA both medically and legally for your Mom.

If your Mom fights this and sides with your brother, then that is on her "broken brain". The goal should be to keep her safe and to have the help she needs.

A person can be competent under the law, and still be a vulnerable elder, subject to her own son's abuse.

The legal document can be a medical certificate with the Doctors diagnosis . You will see people’s true colors when it comes to money and greed .

That’s a very good idea. When my Mr. and Mrs. were getting their POAs updated one of the lawyers saw a hand written note pre-dated that said the Mrs. had dementia. That stopped everything and they had to get a conservator through the courts. Big hassle, very expensive. Get your ducks in order before that happens. I’m glad the other person posted the link for the information you needed. Good luck

Here is the link to the article you're looking for, LFrownfelter:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/why-a-letter-of-competency-should-be-part-of-every-seniors-legal-file-441176.htm

Hope this helps!

 "I have been asking her to come live with me but she doesn’t know what would happen to him. She says when she sells her place she will need to give him $50,000"

What are delusions?
Delusions (or strongly held false beliefs) are a common symptom for a person with dementia. They can take the form of paranoia, which makes the person feel threatened, even if there is no or little reason to feel this way. Dementia can make a person suspicious of the people around them.

Your brother has a prison record that sends a red flag to you. He should not get your mother's POA, nor should he receive $50,000 after her house is sold. That money goes for her sale, and inheritance comes after she dies.

Very delicate situation, but avoiding outside interference is always best. Keeping it in the family highly recommended. Reading about a brother with a prison record? Obviously the person posting this has to know the family. Yes, there is always members in some families who wouldn’t hesitate to deplete the bank if facilitated. Thankfully, by now, most families know who is who, and under no circumstances should a greedy/dishonest sibling have control of the moola! Keep Mama out of third parties hands, many a times this option turns into a can of worms, not to say there could be some morally responsible trustees out there in this big old world. Doctors, by rule, have to respect a patient’s privacy.

LFrownfelter: AgingCareCM staff has provided you with the link to the letter of competency. Thank you AgingCareCM.