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Grumpydog001 Asked June 2023

Father in AL needs some assistance at times.

My father is 91 years old and lives 2 hours away from me. Recently, he fell and the AL called the rescue squad to take him to the hospital. My father has dementia and aphasia and is incapable of communication. The only other family in the area is my disabled sister, who lives in a group home. There Was no one in town that I could call to be there with him and I happened to be 2 states away at that time. What do others do in this situation? I called the ER to give them his history and asked for a call back after they evaluated him, to no avail. He was still wearing a neck brace from a previous fall where he had broken his neck and had 2 more weeks to go before it comes off. I specifically asked that the ER be in touch with his neurosurgeon before doing anything at all. However, when he was returned to AL the brace was gone . I can’t get any answers as to why it was removed and where it is. I have been in touch with the patient advocate at the local hospital to no avail. I’m at a loss. I can’t be there all the time to accompany him when an emergency comes up.

Fawnby Jun 2023
You may have to hire a private caregiver to be with him at AL a few hours a day. Choose someone who can go with him to the ER when necessary and report to you. She’ll be your “boots on the ground” with your dad.

lealonnie1 Jun 2023
I don't know what choices you have other than to speak with the administration staff at dad's AL about all of this. AL traditionally isn't equipped to handle residents with huge medical needs or issues, however, so see what they have to tell you regarding that. They will let you know if dad's care has gotten too great for them to manage.

You can call a medical supply company and have another neck brace sent to dad, I suppose. Or call the doctor who saw him for that issue originally for guidance. Trying to retrieve a lost collar at this point is more trouble than it's worth, I'd think.

In terms of Emergency Rooms, I find they're basically useless or wind up causing more problems than they cure. How is dad able to communicate with staff alone in the ER with dementia going on?

When my parents lived in AL, I had to be there physically to handle tons of issues just like this for them. People think we can drop a parent off in AL and that's that, but it's a fallacy. The POA must be involved or issues tend to get ignored bc there isn't sufficient medical attention in AL as there is in Skilled Nursing care.

You may have to reevaluate dad living in AL at this point and think about placing him in Skilled Nursing if he is going to require a higher level of care. Or hire a geriatric care manager to help him navigate the system if no family or friends can be there for him physically.

Best of luck to you.
againx100 Jun 2023
Yes, there is still a lot to do for our parents in AL. Annoyingly true but much better than having my mom live with me. I can handle the little things that come up and keeping an eye on this and that.

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againx100 Jun 2023
Do you have DPOA for your dad? And medical POA? Can you hire someone to be on call to go with him? Could be a challenge but you never know? My mom is in AL. Last time she fell, they asked if they could send her to the hospital since she said she hit her head. I agreed but next time I will say NO unless there is obvious trauma that needs tending to. So, I would talk to the AL and see what their criteria is and if you can change it. It's cruel to send someone with dementia that can't communicate to the ER alone!

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