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Kelskeeper Asked June 2023

Spouse is confused about who I am. With medication, he is okay at home. What signs indicate a need for memory care facility?

lealonnie1 Jun 2023
When you are no longer able to care for him at home any longer w/o it ruining the quality of your life, that's when you place him.

AlvaDeer Jun 2023
When either he or you are no longer mentally, physically and emotionally safe with the arrangement.

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Grandma1954 Jun 2023
Safety was my proverbial "line in the sand"
I said if it was no longer safe for ME to care for my Husband at home I would have to place him. Or if it was no longer safe for HIM for me to care for him I would have to place him.
Thankfully with the help of the VA and "my"/our Hospice Team it never came to that. I go tall the supplies, equipment and support that I needed.
The important thing though my Husband was not aggressive, he was compliant and that made all the difference!
Pandap Jun 2023
Yes, compliance makes all the difference. My mother won’t even acknowledge she has Alzheimer’s despite, Drs, testing and MRI brain scans. My parents live together but my father is 94 with his own health problems and troubled mobility. He isn’t really her caregiver. More like a full time babysitter with an eye on her. Unfortunately, I can see his own cognitive decline and now he’s jumping on her bandwagon because she’s always controlled the relationship and he’s believing what she says, and what she wants to do.
WearyJean Jun 2023
I probably should have placed my husband in MC sooner than I did, but my children encouraged me to do it when he could no longer be safely left alone for even a few minutes. He fell down the stairs when I was in the shower. He would leave the house if I didn't keep the alarm on and one time wandered off in the woods. Start looking for a place now. At this point, you'll start seeing new challenges every day.

phoward51 Jun 2023
I agree with everyone. When I finally decided 3 months ago now to put my husband in Memory Care after 12 yrs of taking care of him it was because of safety for him and honestly a little for me. It was gut wrenching the first two months but I am inch by inch better. Please consider the safety issue.

97yroldmom Jun 2023
Hi Kelskeeper

Here is an article from the Care Topics on Memory Care.
It might be helpful.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/when-is-it-time-to-place-a-loved-one-with-dementia-188309.htm

janicemeyer18 Jun 2023
I encourage you to speak honestly and frequently with his PCP about any changes in behaviors, mental status or physical status that you observe. Safety for him and you are the priority. Safety issues and changes in behaviors can arise in the blink of an eye and are not always gradual. Do not hesitate to call 911 for help and transport of him to ER for assessment if at any time you deem the situation unable to handle or unsafe for either of you. I am including ' you' in this because ' you' are coping but may not like so many primary caregivers recognize or want to ask for help via 911 or other services and, you could become at some point verbally or even at risk for unintentional physical, emotional abuse by a dementia patient.
So this is a longer more circuitous answer to your question but, I hope you will use it to help you decide when placement in " memory care" may be advised for safety reasons . Always confer with PCP or Geriatric specialist or a specialist assigned to him, but do not hesitate to make your voice and needs heard. and, you may want to go ahead and start learning more about long term memory care units available for your beloved.
A skilled capable licensed social worker or case manager may help navigate options. You can also confer with an Elder Law attorney for help navigating complex systems caring for the aging and ill.
Be sure that you have all necessary POA etc papers in order for decision making authority.

Practice good self care !

Blessings and peace ....

RedVanAnnie Jun 2023
I would think it is time to consider Memory Care when yu cannor safely or reasonably take care of him at home.

Llamalover47 Jun 2023
Kelskeeper: When the safety and health of both the caregiver and the patient are at risk, it is due time for placement of your spouse.

Taarna Jun 2023
Rather than get our lay opinions, please get your spouse evaluated by a competent medical doctor. Since your spouse has some memory issues, ask for a referral to a neurologist for evaluation and treatment. In early stages of most types of dementia, medication is helpful to maintain the person at home for many years. The doctor can give you a list of signs/symptoms to guide your decisions over the course of this disease process.

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